My wife is ungrateful

When my wife and I were still dating we were caught in a compromising position. We were both doing Form Four. My future father in-law made me sign a document that I would marry his daughter. I passed O-Level with flying colours but my wife only passed one subject. I started teaching and assisting students who wanted extra lessons.

I married and though life was tough, true love kept us together. I helped my wife and she passed O-Level. We are now blessed with two kids. My in-laws, especially my wife’s mother and sister, looked down upon us as a couple kuti tiri venhamo. I helped my wife go train as a policewoman and she swore that we would always support each other despite the humiliation that was coming from her side.

Now she is a cop and working, she has forgotten about her promise. She has made a complete U-turn and joined forces with her sister and mother. She has no respect for me anymore; she refers to me as a failure. I suspect she is seeing someone because everything has changed. I am so hurt and heartbroken.

I feel for my children and as a man kuitwa munhu pasina kuuraiwa. I do not know what to do because my mind is leading me the wrong way. Each day I am shouted at and told to go and look for work. Where do I go to look for work? I have tried my best to make ends meet but who does not know about our economy? She has forgotten about how I contributed to what she is today, now I am being threatened with divorce. Please assist before I take the law into my own hands.

Response
It is very unfortunate that you got engaged that way and at a very early stage. In Shona we say makatanga nekuisa gejo pamberi pemombe. Doing things the wrong way or taking short cuts can lead to a wrong or unwanted product. Marriage comes with a lot of responsibilities, that is why it is a preserve for majors.

Things are not going well for you but you already have two kids who need to be properly taken care of. In marriage it is important to plan for things that you hope to accomplish. It is unfortunate your union was a forced one. Although you were in love you lacked maturity and could have done with a bit more growing up before marriage.

Parents, please ensure that if something like this happens you do not break the law. It is my hope that this happened when you were both above 18. Your wife is biting the hand that fed her and has forgotten what you went through yesteryear.  Muwanano hapana ane chake: her money is yours too.

Destructive thoughts and actions will not help you achieve anything; do not tempt fate. I suggest you engage a professional counsellor who will work with you and your wife. Your marriage has already lost its spark, maybe because it was unplanned and you rushed into it.

In the meantime I think it is in your best interest to start doing remedial classes with willing students again so as to just keep your head above water. Life is composed of seasons and this could be just a rough patch which will pass. Mothers are supposed to be the back bones of their families not the opposite. I will be happy to hear from you again. I wish you all the best.

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