The Sunday Mail
My problem is eating me up daily and I no longer believe in myself. I am a mother of three, I divorced the father of my kids after I found out he was having an affair and the woman had his child around the time I had my youngest child.
I decided to move on. I got into a relationship with the man I am currently staying with, we dated for 9 months, and then he asked me to live with him.
I moved from my place after consulting my parents and started living with him. Things were smooth for the first few months. It has now been a year since I started staying with him and he does not even mention paying bride price.
To make matters worse we stay with his child (the mother passed away). I so dearly love this child but he has an attitude towards me he does not even greet me, he has no respect at all.
I cannot even say anything against him. When I try to make his father solve a problem he sides with his son. Mai Chisamba, this child has strained our relationship to the extent that the father does not even talk to me; he is always quiet.
My main worry now is that should I move out after a full year staying with him? My kids are staying with my parents and I feel I have deprived them of so much. I sent them to go stay with my parents after I had discovered that his son would always bully my kids.
I do love this man but he has since told me he will never compromise his son’s happiness. He has clearly told me that his son’s behaviour is not subject to discussion no matter what. I am staying in this house like an unwanted person; the man I love does not talk to me and his son blatantly disrespects me.
Help me weigh my options. Am I doing the right thing for myself by staying with someone who does not love me?
Response
I always say one of the many reasons why we have so many broken relationships is people rush things. They do not give themselves time to heal – they simply move on.
After you broke up with your husband and the father of your children it took you less than a year to move in with another man. Why was it so fast?
You did not even give yourself time to make sure your children had a home to settle in after your divorce. You moved with them to this guy’s home and took them back to your parents after they were bullied by your lover’s son.
This is not good for children. Ndiko kushungurudza vana ikoko. As a parent, remember that your every decision affects your children too.
I hope you were not changing schools in the process. They say once bitten twice shy so why did you move in with this guy before he even paid the bride price for you? What was the hurry?
For your own information most men have no respect for vakadzi vavanobika navo mapoto. They would rather marry someone else.
You have no hold on your partner in this kind of a relationship. Maybe that is why his son comes first.
I know this guy loves his son but he is not bringing him up well. At his tender age it is very unfortunate that he has no respect for other kids and adults.
It is true you have deprived your own children of plenty of things, including a stable environment. They are innocent they have done nothing wrong to deserve this.
Please swallow your pride and go back home to your kids. If this guy truly loves you he will come and marry you and it is really up to you to decide if you want to marry him after you have seen his true character.
Marriage is about you, not other people. Do not worry about what they will say or think, kana pauri kubika mapoto ipapo vari kutotaura.
Love is about being considerate to your partner’s needs, so do not disadvantage yourself if your partner does not come to your defence when you need him.You say this guy does not love you, so what are you still doing there? You are still young and full of potential – you can do better.
You have been blessed with three beautiful kids; enjoy each other while it lasts. If this guy’s love for his son blinds him from bringing him up well and correcting the problems he is causing then you need to think twice. I also think this child (your lover’s son) is going through a lot since the loss of his mother.
I advise you to engage organisations and experts that can help him deal with whatever his issues may be and to become more considerate to you and your children’s feelings and needs.
I do not want to dwell on your previous marriage because it is now water under the bridge but I still wish you had sought advice then. Pray sincerely for your family, God answers prayers.
I wish you all the best.
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