The Sunday Mail
MY WIFE IS SO MOODY
My wife hardly smiles, she is naturally a very moody person and this is gradually affecting me.
Of late I discovered kuti munhu akangoseka-seka kana kufara especially the opposite sex I get attracted. I know it’s wrong but this is something I miss in my day-to-day life. We now have two lovely kids, a boy and a girl born as twins. When we were courting I thought she was just a shy person playing hard to get at times, little did I know what I was getting myself into. Ndibatsirewo ndinoita sendigere neshumba.
Mai Chisamba I am a happy person and I love life and I want my kids to grow up that way. She is not very sociable, I really don’t know what makes her tick. The only time yaanonyevenyuka is when her childhood friend Masibanda is in her company.
Most of my friends and family no longer frequent our home because they don’t understand her attitude. I come from a very happy background that’s why this is affecting me so much.
When I discussed this with my parents my mother was not amused she just said “tibvirepo, gadzi rako rinonyima hatiuyeko isu”. What do I do? Would I be wrong if I look for a close female friend anongo ndisekererawo nekundifadza so pasina zvakaipa zvatinoita?
Response
I hear you and feel so sorry for you because in life one needs to be happy. The woman/wife is like the front of each and every home and the welcome is expected to be warm. You did not say anything about your wife’s background, I suspect that’s where the problem stemmed from. The other problem could be lack of exposure.
Do you guys go out to have fun? You can also try taking her to these stand-up comedies, believe me they can be very amusing. You can also try professional counselling, maybe there is something she needs to talk about. These days even at church level you can join couples groups where you can mix and mingle with other families, there is quite a lot to share.
These are some of the things you can try, it is my hope that she will at least smile or even laugh. You will soon know what makes her tick. It seems your wife is comfortable with people she has known for a long time like Masibanda, find out why this is so.
Please don’t call her names like shumba, or gadzi rako rinonyima before you establish her problem, it’s just mean and unfair. I take it kuti wandinyorera because you want us to jointly assist her, remember she is your wife, the love of your life and mother of your children.
Lastly I don’t quite understand a close female friend anongokusekerera nekukufadza ah! Wakurasika papi? Unomuwanirepi anoshanda izvozvo pasina muripo? If it is about a smile even a male friend can smile, I think the best for you in this case is to get Mai Matwins to smile and be happy. Usatsvage zvakawanda zvinozokunetsa. I hope to hear from you again. All the best.
Loan ruining our friendship
Mai Chisamba I hope I find you well, thank you so much for your Sunday Mail column.
Although you deal with real life issues, we still find it both helpful and interesting. I have a very good friend, we met through the church several years ago and our relationship has blossomed to brotherhood, coincidentally we are of the same totem so ndiri mukoma.
I borrowed some money a few months ago and I have not been able to pay back, things have been really tight. I had promised to repay after a fortnight, now I feel so bad because ndatadza and he is upset with me. The hardest is this was done man to man, we did not tell our spouses about this. I now ignore his calls and smses because I have nothing to say, I have run out of excuses.
Kunyara kunokunda kufa. Should I tell my wife about this? But this will cause problems, she will ask a lot of questions like what did I use it for? And why I had not told her about this, chimoto chaicho. I don’t want to lose this guy, he is like my blood brother. Zvanga ndakatarisira zvaramba kufamba.
Response
Thank you so much for writing in, I am well thank you. Yours is not a big problem, you worsened it by doing it behind your wife’s back. Why are you not responding to your friend’s calls and smses, that’s wrong. Don’t give him any dates because this will bring false hope but tell him the whole truth.
You know a sworn enemy is better than a friend who betrays you. I understand why your friend is now upset with you, stop playing games. Your best bet is to go to your wife and tell the truth. Ko idzo mari dze man to man dzinoshandisweiko zvisingade kuti mai vazive? The advantage is your wife will cut down on something so that you can repay the debt.
If you have a joint account you will be able to withdraw funds from there without having to lie. Yes she will be very unhappy about this but she will do it for the sack of your friendship. Shamwari muwanano hamudi tuma secrets, transparency is the best.
The unfortunate thing is your friend will not trust you anymore, even your wife too will think you have a lot of other skeletons in the cupboard. Just imagine ko mainini pavanozozvinzwa vanofungeiwo? Don’t mess up things for yourself, be honest and just come out clean.
What a Greedy Father-in-law
Mai Chisamba how are you? Please help, my father-in-law is a very greed person. I am human I can only do so much. If he were an honest man he would stand up and testify about what I have done for his family as mukwasha. I don’t want to list what I have done because I did these things out of love and respect. To give just one example I gave him the car he drives. My wife is very humble anotonyara nezvinoitwa nababa vake. We have three lovely kids. The problem is my father-in-law now wants to give me a new lobola list that will be paid in US$. I paid my lobola in full in Zim dollars, we all have records on that. I was shocked and went mad when the go-between (munyai) was sent to communicate this to me. Surely Mai Chisamba what does this mean? Vari kuda kuedza kuita sei? He says her daughter is doing a lot to my family because she has an executive job. I went to the same university with my wife, it means parents from both sides did the best for their children. Vanga vachida kuroora mwana wavo here? How do I handle this? Please help.
Response
Thank you for writing in. Please calm down, I can feel your anger from the very paper you wrote on. Let’s take your letter blow by blow and let’s start by looking at the positives first. You are happily married and your wife, the mother of your children is a humble woman. She is level-headed that’s why she doesn’t agree with her greedy and selfish father. You are a good mukwasha in your own right looking at what you have done and still doing for your in-laws. My advice is don’t let your father-in-law’s ill behaviour spoil your marriage and good character. Tell the go-between you will not entertain baba’s new US$ lobola list because it’s already a done deal. What kind of a munyai is he? Anotumwa zvinonyadzisa nekushoreka kudaro. Hang on to your paid up list. Culturally lobola isunga ukama and only a token of appreciation. Lobola is not meant to enrich the in-laws and it should never be commercialised. Lobola is not affected by the change of economy or currency. Please don’t read too much into this otherwise it will bring unnecessary problems into your marriage. Mweya wekuti mwana wangu ari kuita icho necho kwaakarorwa mweya wekuputsa. Lastly, I say just sweep this nonsense under the carpet. Stand your ground, the issue of lobola is water under the bridge. Compliments of the season my friend, dzorai hasha.
