Mudzimba with Mai Chisamba: What a boring marriage!

20 Dec, 2015 - 00:12 0 Views
Mudzimba with Mai Chisamba: What a boring marriage! MUDZIMBA with Mai Chisamba

The Sunday Mail

What a boring marriage!

My husband is a very educated man with a Master’s degree but he is very selfish.
Before we got married he promised me that he wanted both of us to advance ourselves since education is the gateway to a good life.
After we tied the knot he pursued that route alone. I’m now a full time housewife with seven Ordinary Level passes.
He does not take me out since he says most of the places are not suitable for married women.
Every year they have a Christmas party at their company and workers are allowed to bring their spouses ini handisati ndambokokwa. I hear about these wild parties from the wives of his colleagues. We are blessed with two kids a boy and a girl both in their early teens.
Mai Chisamba, at times I feel very unwanted and lonely. I want to go out there with my man and see the other side of life but zvese zvinongonzi “mukadzi wemunhu haadaro”.
We don’t even go to eat out as other couples do; his answer is always “Mashayei? The fridge is full”.
The only places we go together are kuchurch nekunhamo. I love my hubby and family but I want to have fun in my marriage because it’s so boring.
As for resources, we are quite comfortable. I talked to my friend about this and akatondirwadzisa kuti murume wako akanyanya chimusha too much that’s why he treats you like a door mat. I hope you will be able to assist. I want a change in my life.
Response
You’re stuck in a boring marriage, that’s sad. Let’s go through your letter step by step.
A promise is a credit. I know your husband should know this better being an academic himself he should appreciate your desire to continue with your education.
Seven O-Level passes shows that you are an intelligent woman. You have a family and you should help each other to build the future of your children.
We should never take life for granted because no one knows what’s in store for each one of us tomorrow. Anosara nevana anozivikanwa naMwari chete. In case one of you passes on the lifestyle of the kids should not change, this is the main reason why each parent should be self sufficient.
Being well-educated opens so many doors. I don’t understand why your hubby gives reason yekuti kwaanoenda hakungaendwe nemukadzi wemunhu, ko murume wemunhu ari kuenda sei ikoko?
I think that’s a lame excuse. There are so many family outing joints dotted around the country. Eating out depends on what you want and what you can afford. You can prepare food to go and eat by the lake side or wherever as long as you are together.
Marriage should be enjoyable not boring. I always say communication is pivotal in any marriage. You should support each other.
Your hubby has benefited from the support you gave him as a wife that’s why he excelled in university. He should do likewise for you. He should be proud of his spouse.
I don’t understand why he does not invite you to the company parties you are talking about. Why don’t you give him a sweet surprise kungochenawo mai mwana then go join him.
You won’t be a gate crusher because if the guest list makes room for spouses then automatically you’re invited.
You say you are comfortable and your hubby talks about fridges that are full to capacity. Then why is your friend saying you’re being treated like a door mat? Zano unopangwa uine rako.
Successful people in all walks of life came from somewhere be it from kumusha or kutown the most important thing is the journey they took and where they are now. I suggest for you to go see a marriage counsellor who can give you tips on how to enjoy your marriage.
As a parting word of advice, don’t sit on those passes do something profitable – show your learned husband that you are serious about education. I wish you all the best.

***

Did I marry someone else’s wife?

I have a predicament which other people see as a small problem but it gives me sleepless nights.
I got married to my wife in 2008 and we have two children. I had known her for about four years. This year I discovered that she was married before and bride price was paid. She never told me about this before. I asked her about it and she got so furious. I gave her a chance to cool off and she lied to me again, saying that it never happened. I tried by all means to get the truth out of her but I failed.
With her, it’s one lie after the other. I don’t know how to deal with this issue. I want her to tell me the truth.
Response
I understand your anger. Kunyepa is like a cancer that must be uprooted as soon as it is discovered.
Marriage is about trust if you can’t bank on your spouse because he/she lies then it defeats the whole purpose of the union. She is playing with fire. One cannot lie about having been married because this is so easy to prove. This sheds a negative light on the family she comes from, mhuri yevanyepi.
When one gets married in our culture there is representation from the father’s and mother’s side, where are these people? Why can’t they say something? Why was she offended when you discovered the truth?
I always encourage people not to get into a marriage with skeletons in the closet. It is a very small world.
The problem with some of our people is they take others for granted. Munofunga kuti kana munhu achikuda nemoyo wese anokurega nekuti wakambenge wakaroorwa. She must research and find out how many people have remarried.
I smell a rat, there could be more secrets maybe this is just the tip of the iceberg. She is your wife and the mother of your two beautiful kids: there should be no secrets between you guys.
My advice is for you to go back to the drawing board. Seek out aiva munyai and his delegation and demand to be told the truth. From your wife’s side seek out those people vanoremekedzwa mostly those who were present when you paid lobola. We will talk about counseling after we get results from this indaba. You could be staying with someone’s wife kana asina kupiwa gupuro kwaanga akaroorwa. What a family! What a shame!
Receiving two sets of lobola for one girl without telling the mukwasha about this? Remember the adage yekuti rine manyanga hariputirwe? Take it easy one step at a time and try to avoid confrontation, at the end of the day she is your wife and the mother of your children.
Things can be worked out; maybe it’s just her attitude that’s making things look so grave. Be of good cheer this seems like something that can be fully resolved.
***

Mwana anoda mota too much

I am a mother of two sons aged 22 and 26. I am happily married; maybe for now let me say so far so good.
I have a neighbour who is a distant friend, hushamwari huya hwekungove vavakidzani. My son obtained his driver’s licence a few months ago but my husband and I feel he still needs to gain more experience bit-by-bit.
However, my neighbour akugara akapa mwana mota making him an errand boy. Last week they sent him all the way to Macheke from Harare to collect something from their farm. Every time he is given the car their daughter, who is almost the same age, accompanies him. I don’t like this at all – zvine miedzo.
We tried to discourage our son from this but he is so excited about driving a car. As I write this letter I am so enraged that just a few days ago she sent him again to the farm with her daughter but they didn’t come back.
My son phoned to tell us that “they are both okay but the car wouldn’t start and they are in Macheke waiting for a mechanic”. Kune chakanaka here? The question that comes to mind is what is happening there? What do I do to stop this woman from this practice? Why can’t they employ a driver if they want their work done? They are distracting my son from his studies. How do we handle this?
Response
I don’t understand why people are not open with one another, as long as we don’t speak the truth we are bound to have problems. Cash talk will not ruin a friendship. Most people are so used to saying taizviona or taizviziva after unfortunate things have happened. I don’t understand what you are waiting for. Tell your neighbour how you feel.
Our roads are very dangerous and no one can blame you for wanting your son to gain experience before he starts embarking on long journeys using dangerous highways. Point out to your neighbour that your children might be innocent but try not to put them in compromising situations, for example kuvararisa kufarm vakamirira mechanic mota yafa. Inenge yakafa here zveshuwa mota iyi?
I think there’s more than what meets the eye, havasi kuda kutomakira mwana chikomba here? Food for thought.
Remind your son that driving around in the neighbour’s car does not benefit him in any way. If he gets into an accident he will not be compensated at all.
He needs to focus on his studies. I don’t think anyone in their right mind would be offended by this. Muri vavakidzani you need each other. All you need to do is to be open with each other.
In the event of an emergency or something pressing then she can call your son kwete kungoti endai munotora madhumbe kufarm or the likes. In my opinion there is no big problem here, all you need is to talk to her and express yourself. Never pretend things are fine when something is bothering you.
Musadye uroyi nekunyara. I hope by the time you get my reply the guys will be back from the farm with or without the car. I wish you all the best.

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