Mudzimba with Mai Chisamba: Tired of friend-zone, I need a boyfriend

I am a single lady aged 27 and I am a well-groomed Seventh-day Adventist. My challenge is that I am failing to find a man to be in a relationship with.
I have quite a number of male friends from work and from church. Often I meet a guy and we exchange numbers, go for dates and get along so well.

It is just at the moment I think he is going to propose to me that I get surprised as he starts to tell me about his girlfriend. I feel so hurt, this has happened about five times.

Some of the guys I even failed to keep communicating with them as I would have been put in the friend zone. Ndiri kushaya kuti chii chiri kuitika pandiri, Mai Chisamba.

My friends from church always give me good compliments but none of them has proposed to me. I last had a relationship ndiriku high school, ever since then I have been single. Most of my friends have serious relationships and are even getting married.

These days ndakutonyara kutandara navo because I do not have much to say about relationships. My mum vanondibvunza about my relationship but I quickly change the subject as am shy to tell kuti handisi kunyengwa. Ndodii Mai Chisamba, ndapererwa?

Response
I am sure you will be able to understand and take my advice from a Christian perspective. The Christian faith teaches us that everyone’s life is in God’s hands and only the Supreme Being can change or shift our lives and set us on the course we long for or rightfully deserve.

This is why people say marriages are made in Heaven. As humans we do a lot of experiments and many times we end up with divorces or heartbreaks.

Yes we have a biological clock and we conclude that after such an age we should have accomplished certain things. We also have a culture, which at times pressures us to marry people we do not have feelings for kungoti ndakura hazvichaita.

Other churches also play their part by compelling people to get a spouse within the church apa kungobvubvudzana/kutora zvasara even if there is no love. If you are a true follower of your faith the good book says God’s time will come wait for it (Habakkuk 2:3).

At times we forget that God is in charge and base everything on our biological clock and knowledge, no wonder why you are talking about friends and family.

At 27 it seems you have almost given up, this may sound unusual but the truth is you do not look for a man God brings a man into your life. Do not worry about what the world may say each dog has its day zvichanaka chete.

People are individuals, zvehupenyu hwedu zvinoitwa nenguva dzakasiyana. Do not lower your self-esteem, you are a force to reckon with. Romantic love is different from brotherly love, so do not feel let down by the five guys they were never meant for you.
Have fun with your mum, family and friends, your time will soon come. Stand by your faith and pray sincerely without ceasing. It shall be well.

Prophecies pit wife vs girlfriend
I am a 23-year-old gentleman married to a 22-year-old lady and blessed with a two-year-old son.
Due to recklessness and irresponsibility, which came out of trying to exercise my freedom as a youth, I made a girl pregnant yet munhu wandaingoti kuvaraidza nguva naye chete something which I am not proud of but happened anyway.

At this time I was about to go to university and she was afraid of losing me that she lied that she was pregnant and I denied it for almost a month. I later tried to be reasonable and figure a way out, that’s the time she became pregnant for real and she eventually gave birth.

This almost cost me my university opportunity but my parents allowed me to go and they took care of the girl, something I honour them for and thank God dearly. I never loved this girl but out of sympathy that I ruined her education (since she became pregnant while she was studying for A-Level) I tried to tolerate her and the worst part is she loves me so much to an extent of seeing no hope or light without me.

At the time I made her pregnant, I had another girl whom I was deeply in love with and had plans of marrying after I finished my education but I did not marry her and I opted for my baby mother instead.

Despite all the drama that happened we continued to see each other. It has been three years now since I married my baby mother and we are still in love.

The problem is last year I decided to leave all things behind and start to serve the Almighty and since then I have received three prophecies from three different prophets in two different churches that I am destined to have a great and prosperous future but for this to happen I need to stay with my current wife.

The moment I received the last prophecy I decided to end my relationship with the other girl I was in love with. It was tough for both of us, and her being a Christian, she accepted it but it pained her.

Recently she told me that she is three months pregnant. She is not threatening or demanding anything but just to let me know.
I do not doubt her at all. Now I am confused because I am still in love with her and I know she is still in love with me but on the other side prophecies are saying the one living with my parents is the channel to my good fortune.

Mai Chisamba, I am confused and am really clueless as to what to do. Is it the devil making me love the other girl so that I will not reach my destiny or this is real and our long-awaited dream is still alive? I have never poured my soul to anyone, I am doing so to you seeking advice. Please assist.

Response
You have described yourself well — you are very confused. I have always thought that education improves our reasoning capacity but I am failing to see it in you.

My heart bleeds when you say you never loved the girl you impregnated first aingove wekuwaraidza nguva chete. How on Earth can you say that? It is mean and insensitive. Why did you lead her on? How would you feel if someone did the same to your sister or female relatives?

We should treat each other with respect you do not buy time by impregnating someone you have no feelings for, she is not a toy she is a precious human being. It is sad that this loveless affair produced a child who needs to be looked after by both parents. Why did you marry her in the first place iwe usingamude? You have been cheating on her ever since.

You say last year you decided to serve the Almighty. In which way since your cheating behaviour never changed? I always say a loveless marriage is like being sentenced to life in prison.

The other lady you claim to love is now pregnant. Why do you continue creating families you cannot look after?
Now you want to keep the woman you do not love because the prophecies say she has the keys to the good life, what a shame!
Set this woman free. Let her go. She can definitely get someone who will genuinely love and appreciate her. You can go to a civil court so that you pay for child support.

I do not want to dwell on prophecies but for arguments sake if it does not come true then what happens to this woman? Go ahead and marry the woman you have feelings for because that is what marriages are for.

If you marry for any other reason it will not last and you will be full of regrets. Thank you for pouring out your soul, a problem shared is a problem halved. Please take it one step at a time, at 23 your life is full of negative drama. Semunhu akatendeuka take Christianity seriously and follow its teaching. I wish you all the best.
***
Miscarriage destroying my marriage
I am a 25-year-old woman married to a divorcee. I gave birth to a premature baby who only survived for one day. I was very heartbroken to lose the child I had carried for seven months.

The healing is taking ages because it is like I am on my own. My husband cheats on me, he has so many mistresses out there. I complained to my mother-in-law who said to me ko kana musingaite pamuviri murume anogarireiko asingatsvage vamwe? I went to hospital to check if it was alright to have another baby now but vakati ndimbomira ndimbosimba.

My husband and my mother-in-law did not believe me.
I have been persuading my husband to tag along with me to the hospital for him to get it from the horse’s mouth. I do not know what to do because as of now my husband says he is looking for a woman who bears him a child. I love him so much he is the love of my life ndoitawo sei ndibatsireiwo?

Response
Your letter makes me very sad. First, let me say I am very sorry for your loss.
I see you are married to a divorcee it is my hope that you took your time to find out why his first marriage ended up in divorce. It is very important to know.

I am sorry that in this time of need the person who should be closest to you is actually rubbing salt on old wounds. That does not paint a good picture of a happy marriage.

Your mother-in-law is completely off track instead of standing for what most mothers do she is lost. Your hubby and family should know that marriage is about love between two people, children are precious gifts that come from God and only when he wills it.
In the wake of diseases like HIV and Aids your husband is playing with fire. He should stop cheating on you. Take heed of the advice you got from the hospital because it affects your health and ultimately your life.

The best thing to do as of now is to engage a professional counsellor who will help you with the healing process after your bereavement and also for your husband to understand what marriage is about. After dealing with the two of you then the counsellor can also talk to your mother-in-law.

Pray for your husband and family. There is immense power in prayer. I wish you a speedy recovery. Do not stress.

Write to [email protected] or WhatsApp +263771415747.

20,634 total views, no views today

  • tafmalc

    Worry not girl…there z test of time and time of test…with Christ’s love success is sure because t is the love that never deceives us,t advances in the face of any difficulties till the conflict is won and the task is done…seek ye first His kingdom and all these things shall b added unto u…nd put not yo trust pachivanhu kana pakuchenjera kupi nekupi asi kwakafanira