Mudzimba with Mai Chisamba: Should I send my daughter kumusha?

Should I send my daughter kumusha?

I am a married woman blessed with three beautiful children. I wouldn’t say ours is a happy marriage, but I can say panogarika hapo.

I have several problems, but for now let me talk about the one that is eating my heart.

My eldest daughter is currently doing Grade Six, she is an average student, kutomboita average tinotobatsiridza nema extra lessons.

Gogo, my mother-in-law is in Mutare rural and she wants my daughter to go and stay with her, zvanzi vanoda muzukuru wokugara naye achivabatsira.

How can this be?

I talked to my husband ndikamuonesa kuti it is not good to disturb the child, next year she will be sitting for her Grade 7 exams.

The home school is a sorry sight and about five kilometres away. Akataura nemwana akachema because she doesn’t want to go and learn at home.

Besides this, he is now blackmailing the child, for example, he says, if you don’t go, you won’t get this and that.

Kuitawo here ikoko kwemurume mukuru?

The last time gogo asked about this issue ndakavati tovatsvagira munhu kumusha anopota achivabetsera, vakati handidi kugara nevatorwa.

Izvi zvave kuwedzera matambudziko mumba mangu, should I sacrifice my child for marital peace? Please help.

Response

Thank you for writing in. Your marital home should be the best place to be, not kuti “panogarika hapo”, no no my friend.

I want you to look at the positives first, don’t paint the whole picture black.

Congratulations for assisting your child, it’s refreshing that she has shown an improvement from being a backward pupil to an average one.

Keep encouraging her, before you know it, anenge atovewo shasha. You as a couple should count your blessings, three beautiful children is one of life’s greatest gifts.

The kids need to grow in a peaceful and happy home. Nyaya yagogo should not tear you apart. Kana gogo vasingade vatorwa, batsiranai kutsvaga hama kunyangwe yekure yamunobhadhara.

If you work as a couple it will be easy to convince her. Please don’t disturb the girl, she has a lot of potential. Tell gogo even if she goes home she won’t be as helpful because most of the time she will be at school. Imiwo kana motaura nambuya, itai dare rimwe chete kuti parege kuita semumwe anoda mumwe asingade. There is no need for your husband to blackmail the child. Apa hapana nyaya, you are building a storm in a tea cup, make up, you need each other, life is very short. If you need to talk to someone like a marriage counsellor, let me know. Last but not least, don’t sacrifice the girl. Good luck.

I want to chicken out of my marriage

I don’t even know how to start, but maiwe! I messed my life and I am full of regrets. I am only 22 and married to a 21-year-old woman, ndakakurumidza kumedza ini ndichada kutsenga.

I will be very honest with you, I thought marriage was about sex, that’s not it. I can’t face the responsibilities, now I can understand what my parents meant when they said I was too young. Mukadzi wacho is no longer as attractive as I thought. Most of my friends are still single and when we hang out, they don’t even look at their watches, ini ndinenge ndakudaidzwa nechikadzi ichi.

I feel like picking a reverse gear, but nobody wants to listen to my story vanongoti takakuyambira. Ndaakuita semunhu abebenuka kuhope all of a sudden, I now see beautiful career women.

Mai Chisamba, I need my space, I need to rethink, I want to carry on with my studies without any disturbances. Please help me.

Response

Thank you for writing in and for reading our column. Eh! Young man, relax, not so fast please. This is life, you need to be steady and plan, it seems you want a lot of things to happen all at once. You want your space, you need to rethink, you want to continue with your education, mind you, fast track is very short-lived. Dai ndakaziva haitungamiri, there is no need for regrets. Your parents told you that you were not mature enough to get married, but you defied them. How come this woman is not as beautiful as she used to be, aiwaka beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Marriage is not just about facial beauty, munhu wega wega ane zvaakakoshera, zvitsvage unozviwana, kune imwe beauty without brains, would you want that?

When we talk about marriage we talk about real people with feelings and emotions, yakasiyana negame rejump in and jump out.

It’s bottle-necked and it’s not easy to come out without breaking the bottle.

Wanano haizi yebonde chete, inouya nemaresponsibilities, masacrifices, mufaro nekusuwa panguva dzakasiyana-siyana.

My advice is, don’t pick the reverse gear you are talking about yet.

You are still a very young couple and as far as I can see you have no real marital problems, which is a good sign.

Ungati mukadzi wako akashata, ko akazorumwa nei?

You are starting badly, instead of always hanging with friends imboendawo nemukadzi wako and enjoy each other’s company. You have a brilliant idea of continuing with your education, wanano haitadzise izvi even vana mbuya nana sekuru vari kudzidza wani.

Beautiful and career women will always be there, so don’t let this disrupt your union. With education your own wife can become what you envy now. Never call your wife names like chikadzi, it’s very mean and unfair. Last but not least love your wife, enjoy your marriage, improve your status and don’t ever regret.

I can’t take this any longer

My husband was married before and has one son from his previous marriage, his wife died when the child was four years old. The problem is akatora muzukuru wake kuti tigare naye — mwana wehanzvadzi yake yakashaya but baba vacho is alive and is a teacher. Vakaroorawo mumwe mukadzi.

Problem iri mumba mangu ndeyekuti muzukuru uyu is stubborn, she is disrespectful, haateerere, kana ukamutsiura, anotanga kuimba songs like, ‘zvepano panyika ndashaya zororo’ or bang the door or sneeze achiti hutsinye/pfutseke kana kuchema, asi ndinenge ndataura naye zvakanaka.

Just after I wedded I tried by all means to be a good parent, mother and wife, but I lost patience with her. Iye zvino ndinongomusiya kana achida mari kana anything anoudza sekuru vake.

She teaches my step child kuti andiudze kuti ini handisi his mother.

I told my husband about all this kuti amutsiure, but haana. My husband has money and hama dzake are jealousy that as young as I am, I married him saka vanodawo zvinhu zvedu and they also influence vana vandinogara navo. Ndoita sei?

I have no problem with my step-son but with this niece, so I told my husband kuti akapedza kunyora O Level yake this year aende kunogara under control of her parents because I can’t take it any longer.

Ndinenge ndaita zvakashata here? I tried, mwana uyu ndinomuitira zvese, kumuendesa for extra lessons, but aramba kuchengeteka, zviri nani ndisare nastep-son chete.

Response

Thank you for your letter and congratulations for looking after these orphans well.

I am sorry about this stubborn niece who is biting the hand that is feeding her.

The good thing is unomutsiura so whatever she does anoita mawune. It’s a tall order to look after such kids at times.

You have invested in their education nezvimwe zvakadaro, I don’t want you to just shut her out. Talk to your husband moita kuti amboenda kuholiday kwababa vake pada akanoona kusiyana kwehupenyu she will appreciate you more.

Instead of just talking to your husband, vana vamwene vako can help mould this girl if they are still alive. Iwe nemurume wako should always operate from the same wavelength for the benefit of these kids.

Don’t worry when they say you are not their mother, it’s because they don’t understand the full meaning of the word. Chinonzi amai kuriritira, that’s what you are doing and that should give you fulfilment.

They are so many biological mothers around who have either dumped their kids or have just walked away from them.

In the past when the extended family was still intact our parents made us visit relatives in different places and each time you came back waibva waona kuti home is best.

I think before you give up on them let them do likewise.

Please let me know if this does not help then we take it a gear up woona professional counselors.

Usarasa mbereko nekufirwa.

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