The Sunday Mail
Ndiri chidhafu, ndicharoorwa nani?
I am a girl aged 24 and in my final year at a local university. I am madly in love with a guy who is older than me but is still doing his first year at the same university.
I love this guy but at times I think he is too blind to notice certain things I do for him. I give my all for our relationship to keep the flame alive but haazvione. I discovered that he cheats on me but when I confronted him he casually said zvinenge zvangoitikawo.
I expected him to say sorry or something that shows remorse.
When I am at home I travel for a long distance to get to a place where I can get network to call but when I do call him he is always full of lame excuses about why he has not been in touch. I come from a very remote place.
He is not on WhatsApp by choice, I suppose he prefers texts to calling and this is just terrible. Hapana chaanondiitira that shows love, at times I feel I am being cheated on because there is no reciprocation at all. I do not know whether I should stick to this or not.
The only reasons why I carry on is I do not think I will get a match akadzidzawo seni in our area. The other reason is I am so huge, rather fat – no one would ever think that I am only 24. I look like mbuya chaivo, ndakasimba zvekuti. So ndinozoroorwa nani? I am so confused, please help me.
Response
Yes, you gave yourself a very correct diagnosis, you are very confused. All you need to do is to wake up and smell the coffee, time is money once you lose it, it is gone for good.
You give me the impression that you have no confidence and you do not believe in yourself. How can you refer to yourself as a mbuya? What do you mean?
There are so many mbuyas who look good for their ages because they are well groomed. You say you are huge, what’s wrong with that? As long as you are fit enough to go about your day to day activities without relying on others for help.
I would, however, advise you especially at your young age to eat healthy and exercise. Who says big women cannot get married?
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. For your information, there are so many women and girls of your stature who are happily married.
If you look down upon yourself who then can lift you up? I hope this is not the impression you are giving to this guy.
You seem to be in a hurry. Marriage is not running away from life, it comes with its own responsibilities and mind you it is not everything.
Kusimba hakuna nyaya unless usingagonewo kuzvibata. The second problem I picked from your letter is that you are full of self-pity, this is a very negative attitude and it should stop forthwith.
Just from your communication I can tell that this guy does not love you at all, you do not need a rocket scientist to tell you that. You are right there is no reciprocation and if there isn’t then there is no love.
Can you imagine after travelling for several kilometres just to get network then you are snubbed. Please read the writing on the wall.
Who says people from the same area ndivo vanofanira kuroorana chete? Cast your net wider and forget about this guy, you have so many reasons to walk out on him. He does not love you, he cheats on you and he has no time for you.
You cannot be a 100 percent right that he is not on WhatsApp, maybe it is just you who does not know his WhatsApp line.
In your mind my educated girl what does this add up to? My final advice is give it a break, stop communicating with him and see whether he is going to make an effort to look for you. Keep your pride. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Sister-in-law adores my wife’s ex
I love my wife and my family. We are blessed with a baby boy.
My wife is very close to her sister and her family. I have no problem with that and they are with us most of the time.
What I do not understand is that up to this day Mai Chisamba, there is an enlarged picture in my sister-in-laws house of her, the spouse and my wife’s ex-boyfriend. I do not understand this, each time I look at this picture my heart breaks.
Why do they still have it up after my wife got married to me? Is there a secret message that they are trying to pass on to me? Is my wife part of this? Babamukuru is a man like me, why does he allow this? Does this mean my wife is still seeing her ex-boyfriend? If it is her sister vanorwei?
I am hurt, the picture is placed where you cannot miss it once you walk into their house. I asked my wife why and she said she had no control over her sister’s house. I did not like the way she answered me, for once I felt like pushing her against the wall. How can my beloved wife answer me like that?
I was so upset that day I just did not want to speak to anyone so I just kept to myself, and my wife said to me musatsamwire pano endai muno tsamwira kune picture yacho. I am disappointed.
Response
It’s good news to my ears when people say they are happily married, that is what it should be like. Some people in life are experts at stirring the pot.
Why on Earth do they still have that picture on their wall? That shows total disregard for you. Your brother in-law is acting selfishly, he should put himself in your shoes.
People should learn to let go even if they had a good relationship with this ex-boyfriend, his time is out. They should let bygones be bygones, in this case the past is dead and buried. Your wife should also be involved in this issue.
Why is she silent on this? I know when people come to visit some will ask about certain pictures on the wall, what do they tell their visitors. This is a married couple and they have children vana vanoti ndiani? No, this is wrong. This is already sending wrong messages basing on the questions that you are asking.
I do not want to say it is so and so behind this but it is an issue that should be discussed openly and whoever is behind should own up and apologise. Hanging that picture on the wall is very untoward because it belongs to your wife’s dead past.
The fact that she married you means she has moved on. Your sister in-law and spouse need to grow up, they should respect your marriage, I suggest both of you do not visit their home until you talk about it.
What is its significance? You can engage your wife’s tete on the day of the indaba. If the couple is so interested in pictures of old flames then ngavaise dzevanhu vavaidanana navo kare ivo tione zvikabudirira.
There is no need for your wife to be arrogant, this is anger directed towards the wrong person, she should actually help you complain about this. You and your wife should show your sister in-law and her spouse that nothing is going to come between you.
If they have a secret agenda let it come to naught. Pray for your family and for the indaba. Keep your cool, this can be settled amicably within the family. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Girlfriend can’t have kids
I am a guy aged 23 and my girlfriend is 20. We talk so much about getting married and having four children.
We even have names for our dream kids. It makes us both happy, we even write statuses on WhatsApp of this dream we share.
Recently she had a womb problem and we went to the hospital. The doctors said she might not be able to conceive. Since then everything has changed.
We no longer talk like we used to. Sometimes she would say you should let me go because I want you to be happy, that I should look for someone who will be able to give me kids. I try to tell her that there is a living God up there and I believe that He will give us our miracle when the time comes (when we get married).
It seems like she has lost her faith. All she thinks about now is how my family will take it because I am the only boy in the family. It pains me to see her hurting like that. I love my girlfriend and I would sacrifice anything but not our love because she has a womb problem. Please help me save my relationship.
Response
I am not a medical professional but I respect what our doctors say and I believe in them. You sound like a very happy couple in courtship dreaming about your future. It’s very natural to imagine and plan about tomorrow.
We do the planning but only God can fulfil our dreams. Marriages are not like baby making factories, the reason for this union is love and only love. People can be blessed with so many gifts and these range from children, the gift of life itself, riches, good health and happiness, the list goes on in this token.
People should only marry if they truly love one another vana handi chikonzero chewanano. I know in our culture because of the extended family we say muroora kana mukwasha ndewe mhuri but still we have our parameters.
Here and there some cross the line and give a lot of unnecessary pressure to a couple when they ask about when they will have children and why after marriage mudzimai asati ave nepamuviri. This is wrong and we condemn it in the strongest possible way.
Because of such a background, your would-be wife is already thinking about what family and friends would say if she does not have children. Yes you may be the only son in your family but it is not automatic that you will have kids, only the Almighty can bless you with children.
Once you grasp this hapana kupokana. I like your attitude, you show a lot of understanding and maturity considering that you are only 23.
If you love her there is no need to look for someone else. Mwari ndeve minana console her and move on.
Another long-term plan is if you do not have children of your own, you could consider adoption or foster care; chinonzi hubereki kuchengeta mwana kwete kuzvara.
Continue with your dream, keep the names of your dream children and pray sincerely about it. God will grant your hearts’ desires, continue hoping. Vanhu havashayiwe zvekutaura kunyangwe zvikaipa, kunyangwe zvikanaka vanongoropota chete. I wish you all the best.
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