The Sunday Mail
My wife should upgrade herself or else…
This is my first letter to you but I have learnt so much from other people’s problems and the advice you give. When I married my wife we both promised each other that we would improve ourselves educationally.
I have kept my word and am now doing my Master’s, my wife achine O Level yake.
I encourage her to study but she is just not interested any longer. Vakadzi vari kudzidza vawanda, ndianiwo angade kusara nedofo?
I told her frankly that if she does not change her attitude, ndinomusiya. Pane kamwe ka mbama katinomboita nako group work, Mai Chisamba, the lady is brilliant and each time I look at her I envy her so much ndichingoti this is what my wife should be doing.
Please help, kusiyana kwataita uku educationally nemudzimai wangu munokuona sei? What should I do if she doesn’t change? My wife is now getting on to my nerves, please assist.
Response
I picked your letter because I think you need urgent advice. My friend relax, not so fast. Let’s take one step at a time.
First and foremost I want you to appreciate that marriage is a lifetime commitment. If you really want to help your spouse you don’t threaten her. Inasmuch as education is important you can’t walk out on your wife because she is not fulfilling her promise of improving herself educationally. Yes promises should be taken seriously but don’t forget that you vowed before God and the world when on your wedding day you said “until death do us part”.
Education is good and powerful but it’s not a matter of life or death in this case. For some people it’s not easy to study from home, so why don’t you try and enrol her into a college and start from there. Never refer to your wife as dofo, kutsvinya kwakashata. You can make a reading timetable which is convenient to both of you, this will tighten the bond that already exists between you.
Second, she will automatically be motivated. Come out in the open, zvekambama aka kaunoita nako group work zviri kunyatsokwana papi? Siyana nazvo. Kusiyana kwamaita padzidzo nemudzimai wako is only temporary, very soon everything will fall into place.
Don’t give up on her, she is your life and your future, you don’t know what tomorrow bears. Pfavira ngoma husiku hurefu. You have what it takes to make her change.
Zvauri kuona zvakanaka zviri kuitwa nagroup mate yako zvikange zvave pane wako zvinobatsira. Kuchiva hakuvake musha, vakuru vanoti mukadzi wemumwe iguyu riri pamawere, rinodyiwa nemaziso chete. Enjoy your studies and good luck.
Can’t find Mr Right
I am a 44-year-old woman who has never been married. I have a child who is 23 years old and married. Handina kuroorwa ndakamitiswa 1991, I have worked hard all my life and have educated myself to the level of being a professional and I earn good money. I have had boyfriends in the past but none of them has ever committed into marriage. Vanhu vandinosangana navo vanongondipedzera nguva Mai Chisamba.
Some of them abuse me financially with no progress. I have waited for Mr Right for so long and it’s getting me stressed. I hate the life of being on my own. I am a Christian and of good health, I don’t have any chronic illnesses or long-term medication. Ini ndava kufunga kuti pamwe ndakagadzirwa kumusha kwandakaberekwa?
Kune vamwe vanototi ndakabata dzose, mubhawa ndakapinda, doro ndakanwa, chipfambi ndakaita, asi vakazoroorwa. Ini handina kumboita any of the above but ko imba ndaishaya neiko? Ndibatsireiwo nemazano.
Response
Thank you very much for writing in. Makorokoto for working hard and improving yourself, this is how it should be. From the look of your letter it seems you are full of self pity and as a Christian I think you are losing it when you say pamwe ndakagadzirwa kumusha.
This is the opposite of your religion and what you are supposed to believe in. Yes, you need to be on the lookout because out there kwaipa, there are some guys who are good for nothing, magora chaiwo. All they do is to be spoon fed in the name of love. Pakuvhima vanoti vari kutsvaka rudo asi ivo vachida kuwana tunhu nekuchengetwa. I see your problem is you look for a man to marry you each time you get into a relationship. This may be tricky and frustrating if the end result is different.
My advice is get someone who truly loves you asinei nehomwe yako, this kind of courtship will blossom into marriage, hazvidi kundovhima une salt muhomwe. I may sound mean but the truth is marriages are made in heaven and this will come panguva yaMwari chete.
I know you are longing for Mr Right but in the meantime count your blessings and thank the Lord. Maybe at 44 you are worried about your biological clock asi honaka une mwana.
Although he was born out of wedlock you kept the child and fended for him. Love or marriage hazvina zera. Kurudziro yangu ndeyekuti don’t look down upon yourself, don’t settle for mediocrity uchiti ndakura, don’t be abused uchiitwa small house, keep your pride and Mr Right will come your way. Just keep praying zvinoita, kutochata chaiko. Mushonga wezvishuwo induramo, as long as you are alive minana inoitika. I wish you all the best and good luck but ndapota usarambe uchiitwa muzhanje wachivhoko.
Stubborn Mainini ruining my marriage
I am a young woman, married with two children. Once I had problems nenyaya yasisi the maid and my mother-in-law imposed her niece on us.
She did not plan with us as a couple but vakati ndauya namainini vakubatsirei nevana, ihama you don’t need to give her a salary as such but just assist in any way you can.
I told my husband I was not for this arrangement but he said it was hard for him to tell amai vake that. Mainini havaite, she is only 19 but she is foul-mouthed and extremely stubborn. She has complained to my mother-in-law that I call her bhoi rangu, mufunge, I was shocked to hear this.
This is causing a lot of tension between me and my husband and hama dzakawanda.
Vana sekuru are complaining that she is working for nothing and yet every month we give her money. As soon as we go to work anobva atanga kuita chemaraini with my kids.
Mai Chisamba I am so down-hearted, I no longer enjoy to be in my house because of this girl, ndibatsireiwo kani ndapererwa, yekuroorwa iyi yakaoma.
Response
Marriage is for two people. No matter how close we are to all our friends and relatives, they can only advise and assist in one way or another but they should always keep their distance when it comes to bread and butter issues in one’s marriage.
You should not have taken amainini as a permanent replacement of your maid because this does not work out well in nine out of ten cases. You should have told your mother-in-law that you were going to continue looking for your own maid, ava vaizodzokera zvaita.
Kana muchiita hurongwa ngausungwe mukahusiya huri zinyeke nyeke zvinozokunetsai.
The two of you should stand together and say no or yes to what you want in your home.
How can you be dragged into this mess?
Vana vamwene ngavarege kuita hurongwa vasina kunzwa kune varidzi vewanano.
My advice is please look for your own maid and as soon as you get her let this stubborn mainini go back.
The longer you keep her the more problems you will have with your husband and some members of his family.
In our culture that mainini is just as good as your mother-in-law, they play the same roles so iwe uri muroora unovatuma sei mabasa aunoda?
Don’t be down-hearted, cheer up musatambise nguva yekudanana nekungotsamwidzana nhando.
I wish you all the best. I hope to hear from you soon.
