MUDZIMBA with Mai Chisamba: My husband is driving me into prostitution

15 Mar, 2015 - 00:03 0 Views
MUDZIMBA with Mai Chisamba: My husband is driving  me into prostitution Multiple relationships do not only destroy a marriage but spread diseases like HIv and Aids

The Sunday Mail

My husband is driving me into prostitution

Thank you so much for the column, Mai Chisamba, iri kutibatsira.

Multiple relationships do not only destroy a marriage but spread diseases like HIv and Aids

Multiple relationships do not only destroy a marriage but spread diseases like HIv and Aids

I want to make a confession, I feel both guilty and dirty about my present lifestyle. The truth is my husband is to blame; he has driven me into prostitution because of his demands. I am not a violent person so the only way to bring peace into our marriage was to provide for his needs. You may not believe this, but this is the truth, haadi kudya nemuriwo, he is very particular about his diet but does not provide. I am employed as a nurse aide and I don’t get that much money.

I was forced into prostitution in order to get the pork chops he loves so much. I feel bad and guilty about having a boyfriend, but ndodini, nhai amai? The guy I’m having an affair with is married but mukono pachake, he provides food, money and so many other things, and he even knows what my kids want.

I am a mother of two, a boy who is 10 years old and a girl who is 14. My husband does not buy clothes for us; he spends most of his money at beer outlets. My boyfriend is overburdened but he does not mind. My problem now is of late this guy is bossing me around, like when I ask to go home in time after hanging out he says, “makuda kunovabikira pork chops dzatavatengera here?”

I have tried to quit this but my husband’s demands akaoma, this guy too haachada kundisiya because ari kuti wandidya too much. Please help, what do I do? I am between the depth and the devil.

Response

Thank you so much for reading my column, I hope it will help you positively. Yes, your husband has a bad habit of demanding things he cannot provide but in this marriage you are the real problem. You are both unfaithful and greedy, kukara chaiko.

In this case you are a black pot calling a kettle black. Your husband loves pork chops, ko iwewe unodei? It’s really very sad that people sink this low, having an extra-marital affair in order to please a spouse, this is terrible. I don’t know what goes on in your husband’s mind vachidya zvavasina kutenga, this is both unreasonable and weird. You are a married woman and you should respect your union.

Instead of just destroying your own marriage you are destroying this guy’s marriage as well. Multiple relationships are not safe, people spread diseases like HIV and AIDS and so many others. Do you ever think of your children? Kana murume wako asingade muriwo, he should buy the meat.

I can say your sacrifice is foolish. Sacrificing your life, dignity and marriage just to please your husband by doing such an immoral act? Pork chops mushonga here wekuti kana vakashaya vangafe? You describe your boyfriend as mukono chaiwo, ah that’s the joke of the millennium, mukono wemumwe not yours. I hope you did not drag the kids into this mess since you say they get goodies from this guy too. My advice is stop going out with this man forthwith. If you follow the media, a lot of people are losing their lives nenyaya dzechipfambi idzodzi. Let him go, he belongs to another woman, please don’t destroy their marriage.

I see it’s not just about your husband’s demands, newewo unoda tunhu, zvinoparira zvauri kuita. Your husband should learn to live within his means. Once more, quit this affair while you are still alive.

If you can’t afford pork chops eat whatever you can as long as it is healthy. Batsirai baba, nyama haichanyanyo shamisa kani. Remember your body is the Lord’s temple, always keep it clean. I hope to hear from you soon. – All the best.

Is this marriage worth crying for?

MAI CHISAMBA, makadii? I read your column every week.

Ndafunga kutsvagawo rubatsiro because of advice yandinoona muchipa vamwe every week. I hope muchanhongawo tsamba yangu mukandibatsirawo, ndashaya kuti ndoita sei.

My husband left me in 2005 going to look for work in a foreign country achibva anoroora umwe mukadzi ikoko, vava nevana two. He left me with four children and one of them is now married. We are still legally married under Chapter 37.

Ini, Mai Chisamba, murume wangu ndichiri kumuda neimba yangu and makore ose aya nyangwe ndakamboitawo boyfriend tikazosiyana, asi handina kumbobvira ndaregera kumuda. Kubasa kwandinoshanda maone chaiwo, hakuna mari. Chakundirwadza, Mai Chisamba, mukadzi wake seems to have poisoned his mind, mupfuhwira chaiwo and she has also poisoned my children against me under the disguise of Christianity. Ndewe ku Malawi.

Last year my eldest son and daughter both left me to go and stay with their father, vari kutoshanda vari ikoko. Even my daughter, who is writing her A-L levels this year, wants to go there in December. Kubva zvaakaenda he had never talked about divorce. I know usiri mushonga aidai akadzoka kare and ndakashamiswa from nowhere achifona last week saying his lawyers will be in touch with me nema divorce papers.

I know my husband was a womaniser from the time we were together, but this time this has gone too far. Even though I heard my children say he is now preaching in church nekamukadzi kake ikako, I know him. Ndiri kurwadziwa and I cry myself to sleep everyday; my BP (blood pressure) is high and ndanzwa nema headaches. I have never met this woman, but she has brought misery in my life.

Basa rekutumidzira my children clothes, uniforms, paying fees and sending money just to buy love from my children. Ndoita sei, Mai Chisamba, imba yangu isaparare? I heard kuti they are even planning to buy a house, saka kamukadzi aka kava kumira-mira nenyaya dze divorce. Ndongosiya imba yangu yoparara here, chokwadi n’anga nemaporofita ndakazama, hama dzake dzese hadzisisina basa neni. Ndibatsireiwo ndapererwa.

Response

Thank you so much for reading my column. I don’t understand why people accuse others of the same things that they do. Your behaviour is not different from your husband and this so-called small house. You accused her of using juju (mushonga) and in this very letter you confess to have done the same kun’anga nemaporofita, saka mese hapana mupenyu apa. Chapter 37 (now 5.11) inongotendedza one spouse.

Just for interest’s sake, were you going to cry for your husband had your extra-marital affair with your boyfriend worked out? In my own opinion I don’t think your children were bewitched, instead imimi as parents you confused them through your lifestyles, baba vachitamba yavo mai vachitamba yavo.

According to your letter your husband has moved on, he is married and has two kids and wants a divorce. It may be painful, but in this case this is the best for you. Handikurudzire kurambana because it affects a lot of people: your children, your families and even your friends. Your children may be very angry with you inwardly that is why they seem to support their father’s small house, zvitsvage. I feel for you, but bvumawo kana munhu asisakude.

With Chapter 5.11 you can use the law but you have to go to the foreign country and process your papers there or wait for him to come back home and do likewise. For now I think you should speak to a professional counsellor, it helps. Accept that he has created another family and moved on. As far as he is concerned you may be history, kungotaurirana chokwadi. Lastly never give up on your children, always keep in touch with them, tell them and also show that you love and care for them. Don’t waste your time nezvemishonga-shonga izvi nekuti inongova fembera-fembera. Please keep me posted, I wish you all the best.

I’m not in love with her

Thank you for such an educative column. I am a young man aged 32 and my wife is 28. My problem is ndakarohwa nehanzvadzi dzemudzimai, vanova amai vevana vangu, vakomana vaviri aged three years and nine months.

Vakandirovera kuti handidi kugara nehanzvadzi yavo apo aive nepamuviri pemwana wechipiri. Uyezve ndakange ndaramba kugara naye ndichiti nhumbu haisi yangu. I denied the first pregnancy because I was not in real love with her.

Takaita bonde risina kudzivirirwa zvinenge zvechipfambi pakaita mwana. Ndakamuona 2002 tichigara pamba pavo tikazobva, ndikazomuona 2011 pakazoita mwana. Hatina kupfimbana zvekuudzana kuti ndokuda takangoita zvebonde.

The brothers were also saying ndiri kushungurudza hanzvadzi yavo. All this information I got from my wife a few days after the incident. Ndakakuvara zvekuti ku hospital they said I should get a police report and by doing so I opened a police docket for them. They were made to pay a fine. However, they made up a case to the police to fix me. They instructed their sister who happens to be my wife to open a police docket re domestic violence, child maintenance and protection order. Now I am paying maintenance and protection order was granted to her. I could not stay nemunhu akapiwa protection order ku court and was barred kusvika kumba kwavo as part of conditions of protection order.

Now the problem is I don’t see eye to eye nehanzvadzi dzake nekuda kwebongozozo ravakaita though takanoroora kumba kwavo. I paid lobola because of my children not because I love her. Now my problem is I found the woman I truly love, but the ex is not accepting it. How can I tell her to accept kuti ndozvavepo? I told her to move on since I did that. So what’s the correct way to convey the message to her family? Please help me.

Response

Thank you for reading my column. When I look at the ages of most of the people who write to this column my heart bleeds, young people who are supposed to be in full romantic swings, I just wonder why. Why do we have so many marital problems? Is it about bad upbringing or taking marriage for granted?

What do you mean when you say I was not in real love? Your letter is just weird, are you serious? You say you did not even tell the girl that you loved her makangoita zvebonde, ko iwe uchiti unaniko kana pasina kupfimbana? This is both cheap and dirty. What pains me most is the way you bring children into the world.

Do you ever think about their welfare? Why did you pay lobola for a woman you don’t love? Do you understand what marriage means? It has nothing to do with children but love. Iwe unoda chikoro chaicho chehupenyu nekuti zvese zvauri kuita mashura chaiwo. I always say communication plays a pivotal role in everyone, there was no need to fight with your wife’s brothers, see how nasty it ended up.

You should go back to them and make peace for the sake of your child or children. These days you don’t need to crack your head, technology is at your doorstep, if you doubt the paternity of your children just take them for DNA tests. My advice is before you think of marrying another woman pedzeranai first newekutanga, don’t run away from your mess, you need to grow up too. I see you lack maturity.

Both you and your wife need to seek professional counselling. After this you may even be surprised kuti munodanana. I advise your brothers-in-law to never resort to violence because it doesn’t pay. Finally answer the questions in this letter honestly and take heed. It’s never too late to turn over a new leaf, always remember children are precious gifts from God and they need loving and caring parents. I will wait to hear from you – all the best.

NOTICE: We would like to inform followers of ZBC TV show “Mai Chisamba Show” that the programme is now being broadcast every Sunday at 21:00 hours.

 

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