Mudzimba with Mai Chisamba: Madly in love with my brother

06 Dec, 2015 - 00:12 0 Views
Mudzimba with Mai Chisamba: Madly in love with my brother MUDZIMBA with Mai Chisamba

The Sunday Mail

My hubby is not appreciative

MAI CHISAMBA, thank you for this platform. My problem is that my husband is hard to please. He complains about everything I do. He complains about what I cook, the general hygiene yepamba, the bedroom and even the way I look after our two kids. I am not appreciated at all and it breaks my heart.
The other day vakandivhurira ziso vachiti sisi is a better cook and yet I had prepared the meal. You always say marriage is a lifetime commitment how is one expected to do this with a partner like mine? We used to dream big when we were still dating but all our dreams vanished a few months after we got married. We have been together for six years but aiwa ndachibata ini.
My second son’s middle name is Zvarwadza, it is also my favourite. I gave him this name to try and express what I felt deep down. It hurts to be looked down upon by your own husband handishoreke mufunge time time ivo ndivo vakatohwina kuwana mukadzi anenge ini.
I really do not understand what his problem is, we rarely laugh. I think we were not meant for each other. He is so petty if I choose a channel on TV he either walks out or changes it. To cut a long story short I am fed up and this has affected my self-esteem ndakutonzwa kuperevera. Despite all this I love him and love our two kids. Ndakamboedza kunoshandirwa zvakashaya basa. Please advise me, tine muchato wechapter 5.11

Response

Thank you for writing in, I am very sorry about how your spouse treats you. Yes marriage is a lifetime commitment and should be full of fond memories. It is for people who deeply love each other, people who mature when they tie the knot and people who will be there for each other no matter what.
Marriages are made in heaven and God does not make mistakes (food for thought). Do not let this affect your self-esteem because this will in turn affect your self-image and how you look at yourself as a person. Every spouse wants to be appreciated. It is sad that you are going through this after just six years of marriage, you are supposed to be still in your honeymoon phase, stage iya yekufuridzwa muziso pasina chakutosvora just to be near each other. I see wakamboshandirwa but to no avail. I am not a big fan of that because there is no scientific evidence that these things work so why waste time. How can you name your God given child kuti Zvarwadza, it is not a good name,
The Book talks about the power of the tongue. Most names are permanent, ko kana mazofara mozodini nezita rakadai pamwana? According to your letter your hubby sounds like a very mean and selfish partner. In marriage we look at people as equals although they have different roles to play.
So it’s really not about who is better than the other but about true love. Even if things look gloomy or hopeless, let us try and reflect on the positives. You started on a very good note deciding to marry under chapter 5.11, which shows that the intention was to have a monogamous union and that’s a plus.
Secondly you dreamt big and I think we still can salvage some of these good dreams. You should also consider that despite all this you love him and you love your kids. I advise you to engage a professional counsellor who will help you each step of the way till your marriage is where you want it to be.
A good counsellor will help you pick up the pieces. Wanano haisi yekushorana ndeye kubatsirana pahutera hwedu. Please do not fight about TV channels its childish, zvine kachibharanzi mukati. Always remember to pray for your marriage and family, there is immense power. I wish you all the best.

Madly in love with my brother

Mai Chisamba, I hope you will be able to assist.
I am madly in love with my cousin, our mothers are sisters. To begin with I did not want this – he is 23 and I am 21 – but he kept asking until I agreed. I know he is a brother/cousin but I feel he is the man of my dreams and he feels the same. We enjoy each other’s company and we cannot afford to be apart. Last month I told him that we should break up. I fell in love with another guy briefly but it was not the same, we are back together again. We have had sex but I need help, I am confused.

Response

Thank you for writing in, its true you are confused and you desperately need guidance. I was shocked when I read your letter but after I calmed down I decided to pick your letter in case there are other youngsters out there going through the same.
What you are doing is taboo, unAfrican and disgraceful. You should stop this forthwith. Having sex before marriage is not recommended, it has a lot of unforeseen problems, for instance, getting infected with STIs or having unplanned babies. We are people with a culture, we respect our relatives.
You guys are brother and sister, you are family. The truth is we do not marry our siblings, what has gotten into you? Tell yourself that your brother/cousin cannot be the man of your dreams. Are your parents aware of this? Stop having sex with him, ihanzvadzi yako chaiyo musataramutswe nezwi rechirungu rekuti cousin.
Go to your grandparents if they are still alive for counselling I know you may not afford a professional one. You can even go to a pastor or other elderly relatives like vana sekuru, your mothers’ brothers. You can stop this, it’s all in your head there are so many other men out there. If your relationship is good speak to your grandmother. I suggested you speak to gogo first because she will definitely know how to approach your parents.
This should be done amicably because you have asked for help. Thank you for speaking out and for being honest now that you are aware of what you did not know before, you should be able to stop. I hope you do not stay at the same homestead with this guy. Your relatives may be upset about this now but with time they will get over it. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Betrayed by hubby and own parents

Mai Chisamba, I am heartbroken I stayed with my young sister until she finished her O-Levels.
I am married and blessed with three kids. I had a problem with fibroids and had eight operations. The problem continued until the doctor recommended a hysterectomy, which I and my husband both agreed to. After this I thought all was well. Behind my back, my husband and my own parents made an arrangement to give my sister to my husband since he had said that he wanted more children. Nobody told me about this and that is what I consider to be the most painful part about it.
My husband had to bring a prophet to our homestead to tell me kuti ndave duri rakatsemuka and cannot be used. Ndakatadzei?
Illness is not by choice. My parents, my in-laws and my husband are all working against me and even my sister, the one I sacrificed so much for. They organised separate lodgings for my sister and she is expecting my husband’s child, can you imagine? I saw her and did not know how to react. I hear my sister goes to my in-laws’ rural home and still no one has ever said anything to me. I am so angry, I feel let down and cheated, what do I do? What have I done to deserve this?

Response

Thank you so much for reading my column. Yes you are right this is betrayal at its worst. I feel for you and I can imagine what you are going through. You have so many unanswered questions concerning both families your hubby’s and your own. For the record let me say once more that marriages are not child making institutions.
People marry because of true love, children are extra gifts that can only be given by God. We should never look down upon a childless couple because they have so many other gifts. In your case God gave you three beautiful kids is that not a house full? Imombe here dzinofanira kuzadza danga.
After such blessings your husband hatched a plan that was accepted by the two families that he wants more children, vei navo? It’s a lame excuse all he wanted was to take advantage of your young sister. After seeing you go through so many operations he should have been the last one to do that. Your spouse should be your comforter not back stabber.
Parents should stand as the role models of their families kwete kuita hudyire hwekupa vabvana vaviri kumurume mumwe chete, what nonsense! What a shame. Your parents have destroyed the love and trust between you and your sister. I don’t understand why your husband did this behind your back because in our culture even for barika the husband consults the first wife.
Why did he call a vulgar prophet to tell you about his infidelity? How dare he compare you neduri ratsemuka, that’s not fair.
My advice is before you take the next step, engage a professional counsellor who will help you discuss these matters with your husband. I know it’s hard to trust anyone now after being let down by people closest to you but this is life you have to move on.
I do not want you to make a decision now because you are angry and confused. Let me hear from you after counselling. Be of good cheer, you have been through so much but you are still up and about. You were blessed with lovely kids, enjoy them. Remember there is power in prayer. I wish you all the best.
Write to [email protected] or WhatsApp 0771415747.

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