The Sunday Mail
Is marriage about the same church?
Mai Chisamba, makadini? Thank you so much for your column, I follow it with keen interest.
Mai Chisamba ndaita problem with my in-laws nenyaya ye church. Inini I am a Catholic but my in-laws are Pentecostal and vari kuda kuti inini ndichinje church. I love my husband asi ndatadza kuti ndisiye church yandakakurira just because I am now married.
This is now causing problems in my marriage, my in-laws vari kuti ndiri stubborn, handiterere. Mai Chisamba, ndosiya here what I believe in for the sake of my marriage and make peace with my in-laws?
Ko ivo kuti vanzwisisewo kwandiri kubva nezvandinoda sedungamunhu havadi here? Handiti kwese kunamata here, nhai? Dai ndiri kunzi ndaramba zvekunamata zvachose. I need help please, Mai Chisamba, ndodini?
Response
Thank you for writing in. I don’t think yours is a problem as such but I think it is a matter of what you truly believe in. Marriage is full of compromises because it involves two people. At times you end up staying at places where you never thought you would go; this may be just a familiar example.
In our culture most women use their husbands’ second name, it is ok. It is part of the game if you do not want to go for a double barrel.
There are so many examples; the list goes on and on. Yes kunamata kunamata as you rightly say, so if you understand this concept then what is your problem? You may as well go to your husband’s church.
I know in Zimbabwe there is freedom of worship but my advice, rather question, to you is why don’t you join your husband? In most cases families that fellowship together stay together.
You have already done something bigger, handiti wakasiya mhuri yako uchienda kune iyi, hapana zvitsva apa. The best way to go is to focus on similarities between these two churches than differences. The religion is the same and this is of paramount importance.
It’s refreshing to hear you say you love your husband. Ko shoko zvarinoti hama dzako, chitendero nezvose zvichazova zvanguwo (Ruth 1:16-18). For now join hands and go to the same church and see how it works, you can even try a neutral church as long as you are in agreement. Good luck.
Budget woes
Mai Chisamba, how are you? I hope you are well. I really enjoy your column and it is really helping a lot of people with their problems.
I am a happily married woman, with a good job and my husband also has a decent job. The problem, Mai Chisamba, is mumwe nemumwe anoita zvaanoda nemari yake, hatina combined budget as a family.
Inini ndikatambira ndoita zvangu with my pay and iye anoita the same. Kupera kwemwedzi umwe neumwe anotumira ma groceries kumusha kwake.
Observation yangu is kumusha kuri kuenda more money and more resources than zvatiri kusara nazvo mumba. Now this is my cause for concern. Is it normal in a marriage to operate this way, Mai Chisamba?
So far we haven’t had problems with this arrangement, but I fear that this will soon cause tension in our marriage. What do I do with this situation because I love my husband and I don’t want the issue of money to come between us?
How do I tell my husband that we need to work and plan together as a couple and have one budget? Can a marriage really survive when things are like this?
Ndoita sei, Mai Chisamba, I need your help. I hope you pick my letter because I know you have many to choose from.
Response
I am very well, thanks for asking. Finances ndiwo moyo wewanano, how can you have a marriage where each partner does what they want with their money? When it comes to bread and butter issues your arrangement lacks depth.
Marriage is not temporary, it’s life-long, munotofanira kuziva zviri kuitika. How do you run a home when you don’t have a common budget? How do you go about with your savings?
This kind of arrangement will always leave you with suspicion, no wonder why you now think more money and resources are going home. In a healthy marriage you must have a combined budget.
Your husband is your counterpart, hapana zvirango zvinodiwa kuti mutaure about this. All you need is to go back to the drawing board and plan to permanently work together and this is what it should be. Mazvake mazvake haavake musha. Make hay while the sun shines. Good luck.
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Kusemwa nekukweretwa pabasa
Mai Chisamba makadii? Tinotenda necolumn yenyu. Inini ndiri mubatsiri wemumba, ndiro basa rangu. Ndinoshandira imwe mhuri ndichisara nemwana nekuita mabasa ese emumba.
Nyaya iri kundishungurudza amai vandinoshandira vanonditarisira pasi vachindisema. Chikafu chandinobika chaicho vanotaridza kutosemeswa nacho.
Chinoshamisa zvekare amai ava vakanditambirisa sanhasi mangwana vanofuma vachindikwereta apa mari yacho haidzoke.
Vatova nechikwereti changu chihombe ende handiziye vakagona kuchiripa. Inini ndinotoriwo nema responsibilities anenge akandimirira. Ndiri kushaya kuti ndodini nekuti kubvunza mari yacho kurikundinetsa.
Inini I just expect kuti vandipe mari yangu ndakanyarara ndisina kuvabvunza. Ndoita sei ndine bundu mumoyo, Mai Chisamba.
Response
Iniwo ndinotenda netsamba yako. Ndaita urombo zvikuru kunzwa kuti vaunoshandira vanokwereta zve mari yavanenge vakutambirisa, this is wrong and it is against the law.
Mari yemuhoro ikodzero yako nekuti kushanda kudawo kugadzirisa zvaunoda nezvinonetsa. Zano ndere kuti musati matanga basa nyoreranai pasi mowirirana kuti basa nemuhoro zvinozofambiswa sei.
Izvi kana zvisina kutevedzwa unoshandisa nzira dzemutemo kuti zvigadziridzwe. Ku Ministry ye Labour vanotarisa zvichemo zvevashandi, pada ndiko kwaungaende kunobatsirwa.
Sezvandambotaura kana musina zvamakawirirana nyaya yacho inogona kusazonyatsojeka. Mai ngavarege kukusema, ngavakudzidzise zvavanoda maererano nehutsanana, iwewewo zarura moyo nepfungwa ugashire dzidziso usingazvimhure.
Ini handifunge kuti vanokusema as such nekuti unosara nevana nekuvaitira mabasa emumba, musafungirane muri vanhu vari kugara vese. Zvikwereti zvako vanofanirwa kuzvidzora nekuti imari yawakashandira. Ndinokushuvira kufamba kwakanaka kwenyaya yako.
