Mudzimba with Mai Chisamba: I’m madly in love with a cheat, liar

29 Nov, 2015 - 00:11 0 Views
Mudzimba with Mai Chisamba: I’m madly in love  with a cheat, liar MUDZIMBA with Mai Chisamba

The Sunday Mail

Congratulations!!!

The Sunday Mail would like to congratulate its columnist, Dr Rebecca Chisamba, who was recently awarded the Top Outstanding Woman in Media, Communication and Television Broadcasting in Africa by the acclaimed Women Heritage Society World Organisation.
Dr Chisamba was honoured alongside nine other Zimbabwean women, including the First Lady Dr Amai Grace Mugabe, Minister Nyasha Chikwinya, Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe deputy governor Dr Charity Dhliwayo and business leader Dr Eve Gadzikwa.
Keep up the good work Doctor.

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I’m madly in love with a cheat, liar

Makadii henyu Mai Chisamba?
I do not miss a copy of The Sunday Mail in order to read your column, inondibatsira kwazvo. But today I am writing with a heavy heart Mai Chisamba, ndakarwadziswa. I am a 27-year-old man and I am still single. I was dating a girl for two years, she is 18 months my junior and we were about to get married. I really loved this girl. She had actually become a part of me and she loved me as well. Ndaitengerwa even hembe chaidzo as we were both employed.
We did all the necessary introductions and both our families accepted us, we would even exchange our cars. But somehow in June this year she started to cheat, not with one man, but at least five, including ma driver emagonyeti. She would go as far as Karoi from Harare achiperekedza driver wegonyeti on his way to Zambia. I saw all this in her phone, achitoudza a bad friend of hers kuti dai mai vake vakamuona akadya window regonyeti, chokwadi vaifenda. In a moment of rage ndakamurova mbama and I regret that.
We drove nehusiku kuenda kumusha kuna tete vake takanogadziriswa, she confessed and we moved on.
Trust had vanished and when I was beginning to trust her again, her friend showed me their conversation. Musikana wangu is falling for a guy who happens to be close to a husband of her other friend.
They even go to places together but that guy has not yet asked her out and she is on her best behaviour to try and get him.
Aitotaura kuti her friends should not tell me that as her chances of getting that man will become limited. I am so heart-broken and disappointed. She infected me with an STI, kumuti let’s go for HIV testing haabvume. Mari yekuroora zvese nekuchata ndinayo, should I find someone else to marry nemari iyoyo? Now that the dream is shattered, with all my courage and zest for living all but gone, could I ever say goodbye to the past and dare to love again?
Response
Thank you for being such a big fan and for writing in. I hear you and I understand what you are going through. It’s not easy to just walk away and pretend that nothing has happened because this has a bearing on your emotions.
I do not think you are a hundred percent right when you say she started cheating in June, why don’t you say you discovered this then. My sixth sense tells me that this is what has been going on behind your back. This girl is lustful and ruthless, why does she fall for so many men at the same time?
I will not stop discouraging people from these multiple partner relationships, they are dirty and risky no wonder you ended up with an STI. You gave this girl a very long rope and she has unfortunately managed to tie herself up.
Yes you were madly in love but going kwa tete nenyaya dze cheating is not a good sign for any relationship that is expected to blossom into a marriage. You saw it coming but you did not want to accept reality. To me your relationship is a weird one because of a few things that I picked from your letter. This girl infected you with an STI, how? What were you doing? She is not your wife yet apa makatoisa gejo pamberi pemombe. You call the woman who showed you your girl’s text messages her friend; no true friend would do such a thing, what was this in aid of? Is that not back stabbing?
There are so many other ways she could have used to help both of you. In your moment of rage wakamurova mbama. That was bad, people talk only animals fight when they have conflicts. After that she became even worse than before, what a waste of time. I do not think you are compatible, your difference is like cheese and chalk.
My advice for you is to call this relationship off and move on. I also recommend you to go see your doctor and get treated, advise this girl to do likewise. Lastly people only get married when they are in true love kwete kuti ndane mari yekuroora neye kuchata, not so fast, take it one step at a time. Keep your money until you find the love of your life. I wish you all the best.

Mysterious stuff?

Mai Chisamba, I hope I find you well.
I read in one of your newspaper communications that you believe marriage is about trust. It’s not easy to trust a spouse because every time I relax I discover something that puts me off. Last week I had a free weekend and decided to give my bedroom a new look by moving furniture around and tidying up the drawers and cupboards. I almost fainted when I came across a khaki envelope labelled “stuff”.
It was not properly sealed and I opened it. To my surprise it had US$3 000 stashed in it. I took it and hid it away and waited for him to ask about it. He has not said a thing but there is a lot of tension between us and ari kungobvujunura mu wardrobe whenever he gets the chance. My question is whose money is it?
Where did he get it isu tichitamba nhamo? It’s been just over a week since I hid it but if you see him now you would think he is either sick or working out in the gym day and night. Mai Chisamba, would I be a fool to talk about my findings or to give back his envelope? Please help me decide. It seems even our baby can sense the tension in the home, haasi kufara sezvanosimboita.
Response
I am well thanks for asking. Thank you for reading my column and for writing in. I stand by what I always say; marriage is about love, trust, respect and it is a lifetime commitment. Wow $3 000! You bumped into a gold mine. You complicate things by not talking about them, how can your husband keep such an amount in the house without his wife’s knowledge?
What would happen if for instance he were to suddenly fall ill and die without telling you where the stash was? Makafanana to say the least, you now have the envelope and you have also kept quiet. Oh God forbid. What a couple! This tension, this weight loss within a week can be fatal mozodii?
You have asked several questions, the only person who has answers to this is the owner of the so called “stuff”. I am not saying your hubby is right but two wrongs will never make a right. Always remember that we do not pay for sin in the same coin. If couples are not honest with each other then you wonder why they are in that marriage. This tension is not good for either one of you, let alone baby.
My advice is for you to take the bull by its horns. Sit down with him and bring out the envelope motaurirana feya feya. Do not be emotional about it, my assumption is you have a combined budget since you are officially married. Yes the amount is quite big but your marriage is bigger than that. After this money is spent on whatever, the two of you will still be there for each other. Your discussion can turn sour but remain composed, give him his place sababa and let him solve this jigsaw puzzle.
You never know pamwe pane ka surprise kanga kari on the way. I think you can both handle this as adults. Always remember to do the noble thing of praying for your marriage. I wish you all the best, please keep me posted.
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Amwene vangu is bad news

Thank you for this platform Mai Chisamba. My mother-in-law is very forward she has a problem of wanting to be in charge wherever she goes. She loves kuronga ronga even with the things that do not belong to her. She is bad news havaite. We got married two years ago and were blessed with a baby boy. I have a live-in maid because I go to work and so does my husband.
We stay in the ghetto where we only rent two rooms inside a full house. This type of accommodation is not the best but that’s what we can afford at the moment. My husband has other siblings in the same city but I do not want to talk about them because they are minding their own business. My problem is when she visits she does not come alone and she overstays.
A few weeks ago she was here and this time she came with tete’s son, muzukuru wavo who is 21 years old. The arrangement she made was for me to leave my bedroom so the male muzukuru could share the room with my hubby ini, ivo, maid and baby torara in the other room haina kundifadza. Sleeping on the floor made me suffer in my own space.
This is not the first time she has inconvenienced me this way. I cannot take it anymore, my husband cannot lift a finger against his mother. My father-in-law is a gentleman havadaro. The landlord has a big family you can imagine people queuing to get into the toilet and bathroom. I am not saying she must not visit but she should be sensible. How do I come out of this? I cannot take it anymore please help.
Response
Thank you for reading my column and for writing in. In most homes when you are overwhelmed with too many visitors it’s usually the woman who suffers. Amai being a woman should know this. I do not understand why she comes with other people when she is aware of your accommodation crisis.
She should have respect for a married couple’s space its unAfrican to have so many other people sharing your bedroom every now and then. This can be done if you cannot avoid the situation, for instance, murufu nemuurwere, she is really pushing you against the wall. She must learn to be considerate. I do not think the landlord is amused by these types of visits. Be careful you may lose your lodgings. What amai is doing is not good, especially the bit of asking you to leave your bedroom, how come hapana akambovaudza kuti hazvisi right why? We should never take anything for granted maybe in her mind she does not see anything wrong in males sharing a room and women doing likewise.
All you need to do is go as a couple and speak to amai and baba about this; they know it’s not your place so it’s no big deal. If there is need for them to come then they should tell you in advance so that you organise alternative sleeping accommodation.
Do not let trivial issues like this tear you apart, kungonzwisisana chete kunopodza zvakawanda, you are family you need each other. I agree that amai should not impose herself but please do not write her off and call her bad news, ndivo amai you cannot change that. I would want to hear from you again. I wish you all the best.
Write to [email protected] or Whatsapp 0771415747.

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