The Sunday Mail
I lived a lie
THANK you so much Mai Chisamba for your column.
I am a very smart and intelligent lady, employed as a maid. I work for a very good family and they treat me so well. I get along with the children and I really feel at home. Mai Chisamba, ndakapfimbwa ne an educated and well-mannered guy, little did I know that he had good intentions for me.
We have been going out for the past two years, now he wants us to get married. I lied to him about my educational qualifications, Mai Chisamba, handina kana O-Level but ndakumunyepera. Now he wants to meet my sister, I had not told him the truth about the lady I work for, ndakanga ndati mukoma wangu wandiri kugara naye.
Chokwadi ndaigotaurawo here kuti ndini sisi the maid to such a guy. He is head over heels in love with me and I love him dearly too.
I just don’t know what to do. How do I come out of this? I had even told him that my parents were late to justify why I was staying with my sister. Please help ndatambura kani. Both my parents are alive and at my rural home in Mutoko. Zvimwe zvandakanyepa handichazviziva. I lived a lie ndichitora status yepandinoshanda. Ndodiniko?
Response
Thank you for reading my column. Yes, you lived a lie and it was not necessary at all. You simply looked down upon yourself, why? Kunyepa is one of the worst weaknesses in life; once you start you can’t stop.
Hapana basa rakashoreka, there is nothing wrong with being a maid, although, one should always aspire for improvement. You lose nothing by telling the truth but by lying you may lose everything. Do you know that it’s a blessing to have both parents at your age?
Some lost their parents when they were just a day or so old, some don’t even know what family life feels like because they are either on the street or in an institution. Do you wish your parents dead?
What a shame! I just wonder what they would say to this. Vanoroorana vazhinji vanotanga nekupfimbana, you should have seen it coming. Why did you lie about your qualifications, job and even your relationship with your employer? You are an avid liar.
For your information, not many would want to be in a relationship or marry a person of your character, you need not lie, you can continue with your education and get what you aspire to be in life, learning does not end. You may be a maid today as a stepping stone but who knows; tomorrow you may be a CEO or better.
I personally have great respect for housemaids because they work so hard nekuchengeta vanhu vavasina ukama navo asi vachitarisirwa kuita zvese izvi murudo nguva dzose. My advice is do or die, rewind and go back from where you started, just tell this guy the whole truth, nothing but the truth.
Let him know your reasons for having done so. Now the ball is in his court, he will make a decision. I can’t talk for him. In the meantime chera gomba upfire mate ugure kunyepa. After your confession let me hear from you, kana zvisina kufamba tozotangira ipapo.
Spoilt for choice
I read your column every Sunday and I enjoy it so much. My story goes like this; I am a 28-year-old guy and I have a six-year-old child.
Ndakamitisa ndiri pa University, I did not marry this lady because I thought we were two different people. We used to fight over everything until we decided to call it quits. Now we talk and it seems my ex is in love with me again.
The problem now is I am currently in love with two girlfriends, one Ndebele and one Shona; I am really spoilt for choice. Mai Chisamba, how do I take my pick here? How can I tell kuti this is the woman for me, I mean a true life partner who will never cheat on me.
This is not a joke, please help I am so confused. I feel this is the time to settle down. Should I rekindle with my ex? Should I pick from these two but vanozogona kuchengeta mwana wangu here? I need someone who will look after my child well. Please help, I hope my letter gets picked.
Response
Thank you for reading my column. You say this is no joke, I think you are getting the wrong end of the stick, you are the joke in this whole drama. What you have is what is called cheap popularity. You are dating three women at the same time; I thought you had learnt your lesson after the baby saga. You are talking about taking a pick, ndoochiiko ichocho? These are people not oranges or whatever.
You are looking for a life partner who will never cheat on you but that’s exactly what you are doing now. I assume that you are degreed since you spoke about University, asi chikoro hachisi kubatsira kunzwisisa upenyu apa? Have you ever heard of HIV and AIDS or STIs?
I can tell you don’t use protection since you now have a baby. You are risking your life and putting these girls on the ropes too. If you talk about true love it then means one partner, you cannot claim to love several women in exactly the same way.
Why are you talking about Ndebele and Shona, the common factor here is mukadzi mukadzi chete. You don’t need a wife kuti uchengeterwe mwana, unoda mushandi. This is a wrong reason. For a wife you need a partner who truly loves and adores, someone you can spend the rest of your life with, and someone who loves and cares for you and is willing to look after the baby because of love.
Hauroore nekuti unoda muchengeti wemwana . Ko dai wanga une mombe wairoora kuti anozofudza mombe here? The truth is don’t just rush, take your time, let your heart lead you, don’t create families that you won’t be able to look after.
If you still have feelings for your ex, leave the other two and try to work things out properly. Zvekuita vana chimbomira dzamara waroora. One step at a time my friend. Muto wetsenza mumwe chete zvakangofanana. If I were in your shoes I would take a break and listen to my heart before taking any major decision. I wish you all the best.
Threat back fires
Thank you for your column. How are you Mai Chisamba?
I am a 30-year-old woman, mother of two, a boy and a girl. My husband is 33. I have a friend I went to school with, she is married and has three children. My husband does not like this friend of mine at all; he describes her as mean and disrespectful to her husband. Let me go straight to the point, my marriage was a very happy one handidi hangu kunyepa.
Last month my husband went out with his friends, he phoned around 10:30pm that the car had broken down. I was torn apart, I didn’t know whether to believe his story or not. He came home a few minutes after midnight and apologised, I could see from his clothes that the car had indeed broken down, aingova magirizi oga. Just before we settled for bed ndakanzwa achinhuhwira perfume isiri yangu, I went mad Mai Chisamba, but he insisted that it was his usual cologne. We exchanged mashoko asinganyoreke mupepa.
The following morning I phoned my friend and she advised me to pack up my things ndoti ndaakuenda. When my husband came back he found me ready, I had even phoned kubasa for a day off.
He said vakadzi musatore kudiwa sekupusa kani, akanditi usati waenda taura nevandaive navo. Mai Chisamba, kunyara kunokunda kufa my husband’s story was true after all but I could not reverse because I thought I could go for a few days and I was convinced he would follow me.
Up to this day he has not spoken to me, he has not followed me. I hear he has hired an extra maid to help out with the kids. Vana tete vakaenda kunotaura naye so did vamunyayi but nothing has materialised. All he says is “I am done”. Please help, I didn’t mean to go I just wanted to threaten him.
Response
Thank you very much for reading my column and thanks for asking. The Shona people have an adage which says zano pangwa uine rakowo. How on earth can you be so petty, destroying a happy marriage because you suspected that the perfume was not his usual cologne?
Yes the aroma could have smelt differently because of sweat and grease whilst they were working on the car. When your husband finally came back home on that night he needed love and comfort not accusations and verbal fights.
He was not alone; he had friends who later told you about what happened. They waited for him because they cared for their friend sei vakadzi vavo vasina kunovapengerawo sezvawakaita? For your information there is nothing as humiliating and belittling as having your spouse achibvunza friends and family kuti manga muinavo here? Ndiko kwavari here? Vananiko ikoko? Vasvika nguvai? Oh God forbid. Love and marriage is about trust. If you can’t trust then you are in a wrong place.
You don’t captain your spouse like that. Given all the facts let me say in my personal opinion you are wrong. I believe this is the reason why your husband is so angry, kufirwa nemota especially husiku is such an inconvenience. So many dangerous things could have happened to these guys.
Instead of being grateful to God kuti adzoka ari mupenyu, mota haina kusara musango, wakabva wadya butsu nemasokisi. You say you meant to go for a few days and then come back, you acted selfishly because you are a mother and a wife, why go away in the first place, all you needed was to both calm down and iron out your differences.
You are both making a storm from a tea cup. I suggest you seek professional counseling, this will help. You need each other, respect your kids and your marriage.
Musaomese moyo yenyu, regereranai, you can always start on a clean sheet. Empty threats will not help in any way. I wish you all the best and I hope to hear from you again.
