Mudzimba with Mai Chisamba: Difficult mother-in-law

Difficult mother-in-law

How are you Mai Chisamba, I thank you for your column. You are really doing a great job to many people. I am happy to say that I am a loyal follower of this column.

Mai Chisamba I have been married for 16 years now and I have children. I have a problem with my mother-in-law; she is troublesome and has become a great source of frustration in my life.

Tinogara navo mumba, havachakwanisa kuzvichengeta nekuti she is old. I try my best to please her but she doesn’t appreciate. My mother-in-law talks with my maid behind my back when I’m at work. She is insensitive and actively campaigns against my marriage.

If I discipline my children she gets angry hanzi murikureva ini. Ikozvino vakuramba chikafu kana kugara mumba yekutandarira. Vakaona nzara yanyanya she goes out to by a drink and a packet of biscuits. All this will be in the eyes of her son. He knows everything she is doing, akatombotaura navo zvikashaya basa. Mai Chisamba ndatova muranda pamba pangu.

She is moody, ndikavabvunza kuti pane chandiri kukanganisa here vanoti hapana.Mai Chisamba this is getting worse, ikozvino vakuti ndiendesei kumusha kusina anovachengeta. Havachagona kuzvichengeta vakura.

What can I do to overcome this because it’s now as if I’m serving a prison sentence in my house? She is repeatedly hurting me emotionally, what can I do before it permanently damages my marriage?

 

Response

Thank you very much for writing in and for religiously reading the column. Most of the time we address letters of ungrateful in-laws or gossip in families and relationships, idambudziko mumhuri dzakawanda.

I always say when you do good you do it for God so don’t read too much into what the old lady may say behind your back.

You took her from home because there was no one to assist her, stand your ground havadzokeri nekuti hakuna mubatsriri ikoko. You and your husband should remain in the same camp and work together.

Don’t say no when she buys biscuits and drinks it’s just an arm twisting tactic, before long she will eat proper food, nobody can eat snacks for life. The other thing is musape munhu manyemwe nekungobvunza kuti makatsamweiko, vachafara havo pavanoda.

Your duty as a couple is to see that she is comfortable and everything she needs is at her disposal. Why are you living as a prisoner in your own home?

Continue to do good, your problem is munotya kuti vanhu vanotii, don’t worry vanhu vagara vanotaura.

Last but not least live your life normally, enjoy your marriage, carry on and please don’t give attention to zvinhu zvisingabetseri, mbuya vakura voita semwana.

Ungrateful mother

Makadii Mai chisamba. Ndogaroverenga mubepa muchibatsira vamwe, ndinovimba kuti neni muchandibatsirawo.

My mother was sick for a long time and we agreed with my husband to take her in tichivarapisa. Saka mari yedu zhinji yakapera tichivaendesa kuma specialists.

When she recovered I heard her talking behind my back with my sister in my own home. Zvimwe zvezvinhu zvacho ndezvekuti pano kudya kwacho hakuna kunyatsoita, pamwe pacho sisi vangu voramba kufamba netsoka yet she knows kuti handina mari yekudira fuel mumota yangu.

I was really hurt that after all I did ndichitora mari yevana vechikoro ndichiitira kuti zvifambe. My husband doesn’t know about this. Please help nekuti ini ndakufunga kuti kana pakaita rimwe dambudziko I won’t help.

What really bothers me is that my own mother talking behind my back with my sister. Zvinoitawo here? In my house? Please help, ndodii?

Response

Thank you very much for writing in. I have a very short answer for you my friend because I have responded to a lot of letters like yours.

Don’t worry about people who backbite like in the case of your shameful mother. I know what hurts you most is the fact that this is your own mother. You helped her out when the chips were down.

You can’t take that back because it came from your heart.

Kusatenda kwavo hakusandure chinhu, vanongoramba vari mai vako and you will be blessed for doing good. Vakuona kushaika kwechikafu nekuti vapona? What a mother!

I know your sister is even involved in this nonsense, please don’t sink to their level.

Your sister mwanawo sewe, if she does not want to walk she should hire a taxi or something. She must keep her pride and be self sufficient, mota dzevamwe hadzipihwe murawo.

Don’t take it to heart; if your sister is responsible let her take amai anovapa better life. It doesn’t help to just complain pasina chaari kuita. Be of good cheer and don’t stress about this.

 

I smell a rat

Mai Chisamba, thank you so much for your column. Mine is a temptation and a half. I stay in Kuwadzana Extension in Harare. Mughetto mune muyedzo. I am happily married and a mother of four beautiful kids. My husband is a technician and anogona kugadzira zvakawanda.

Our neighbours are respected people but a few months ago baba vepa next door vakawana basa ku South Africa. Now that the husband is away my husband is like the stand in for him.

Baba vekwangu vakungokumbirwa kutarisa stove, fridge kana bulb chairo vanenge vachati huyai mutiisire. I don’t like this Mai Chisamba but I really don’t know how to say it. Now according to my observation I think this woman has a crush on my husband.

Few times now tichitodaidza baba kuti murikunyanya kugadzireiko chisingaperi. When I ask him to fix a few broken things in our home he takes his time but for this woman muromo mumwe Mai Chisamba. People in our neighbourhood always pay when he does things for them. My problem now is all of a sudden he says we can’t make her pay and yet when the husband was around vaibhadhara mari yacho tichiona. Ndakutya kuvharwa.

I suspect this woman is trying to trap my husband nekuti vanogadzirisa tumaTV netumafridge twemuma bedrooms. Please help, I smell a rat. All is not well.

Response

Thank you so much for writing in and thank you for your observation. Yes it’s good to mark your man and stop this rot before it gets out of control.

In Shona they say kamoto kamberevere kanopisa matanda arimberi. Marriage my friend is about communication, tell your husband you are not happy about what’s going on and also tell your muvakidzani that she should pay for his services like everyone else.

You must also find out why this stopped after the husband went away. It’s your right to demand payment, ibasa renyu mese nemurume wako vapei invoice. Musadye huroyi nekunyara ndapota.

As a couple you should not entertain things that bring problems into your home. Your husband should respect the neighbours’ homestead, being a technician does not mean that he goes into other people’s bedrooms and spare bedrooms willy nilly fixing things.

Zvinoda kugadzirwa ngazviunzwe kumba kwenyu kuti musafungirane. Trust is also very important, it seems you don’t trust your spouse and this is not good for your marriage.

Vimbanai because at times you see what you suspect ipo pasina chiripo. If push comes to shove let your neighbours look for this kind of service elsewhere.

Please try as much as possible to do this amicably because there is no tangible evidence and you may end up in trouble with the law. Zivai zvekutaura nepekutaurira.

Your marriage is your life but vavakidzani vane makosherewo avo.

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