The Sunday Mail
Hubby ane makaro
I love this platform. We are happily married and blessed with a baby boy.
We are born-again Christians and every Wednesday we hold prayers in different homes in our cell or section. The problem is my husband haarambe chikafu.
People are not compelled to feed other congregants but in most cases they do prepare something when they are hosting these prayer sessions. Even if vamwe vakaramba iye anobvuma chete, he even drinks the soup from the relish Mai Chisamba, zvinonyadzisa izvi. Our prayer meetings are normally between 6:30pm and 8:30pm.
I don’t know how I can handle this one without offending him ane chiramwa. The other week my friend said shamwari why don’t you talk to your husband because he has earned himself a nickname. They now call him dura, I don’t even know what it means. I have heard this name ichitaurwa vanhu vachiseka, little did I know that they were referring to my hubby.
I don’t want people to make a fool out of my hubby. I was quite upset when I heard this. I thought of boycotting the prayers because handidi life yemakuhwa especially at church but he would want to know why. He is very dedicated and I don’t want this to distract him, I fear he may go back to drinking. Please assist.
Response
Thank you so much and makorokoto for a happy marriage, you should maintain it that way. You have started on a good note you are a born-again Christian couple, you go for prayers mid-week and you are happy, it’s commendable. The book says hapana chingandibvise parudo rwaMwari.
I am shocked you want to boycott because of a nickname, you don’t even know what it means. You said your husband ane chiramwa saka makafanana you are doing exactly that. Prayers are personal, they are for your own good if you are sincere about what you are doing.
I think dura just means storage and he stores food kana achidyisa. Vanhu ngavarege kurerutsa chiremera chechurch netumakuhwa tusingavake. Christians have a duty to carry out, they are supposed to be fishers of men as demanded by their religion not the opposite. My advice is don’t leave the church but change your supper time at home on Wednesdays.
I think your husband has a big appetite, make sure he eats before you go for prayers. Still I don’t understand why people talk about those who eat when food is offered, ko chii chakashata handiti zvinenge zvabikirwa vanhu vesangano here. To me this is very petty, it should not disturb you, don’t even tell your husband about this. When people go to church they should concentrate on the business of the day.
They are stealing God’s time, instead of focusing on praise and worship they talk about food, oh no God forbid. Musarasiswe keep up the good work. Maybe your husband eats because he thinks it’s polite to do so.
Lastly if you are really bothered bite the bullet and call for a discussion after prayers whether people hosting should prepare food or not. Decide on one thing then it becomes uniform. Pray sincerely for your group so that you concentrate on the word. I wish you all the best.
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My parents pushing me into marriage
Thank you for your platform, I hope I find you well. I am a 19-year-old unemployed girl.
I went for a function with my 20-year-old unemployed boyfriend and we came back around 8:30pm because of transport challenges. I have been dating this guy for the past six months and we had never discussed marriage because hapana chatinacho.
My parents chased me away saying it was late and so I should go back to where I had been. I am staying at my boyfriend’s home, we are both in the ghetto. I don’t want to lie he comes from a very humble family. I am staying there as one of his sisters, he has never touched me, we don’t even share a bedroom.
His parents spoke to us both and he told them the truth that we have dated for only six months, hatitonyatsozivana and he would not want to commit himself. We have never had sex. My eloping has even disturbed our courtship because now he does not talk about love anymore, kana kufamba neni chaiko hapachina.
My parents have since engaged tete but she insists kuti chirooranai. This guy is not employed and he says he’s not ready, he was trying to get to know me when I was pushed to his home. His parents suggested that I go back home because my continued stay will not help or change anything.
Mai Chisamba, I’m so ashamed, it’s like my parents are looking for money. Iniwo ndakunge ndakauya kuzodya, everyone calls me by my first name, hapana kuti muroora or maiguru. The worst I am going through is nobody here talks about any plans, havandituke, havandinyime kudya but that’s all. Mai Chisamba, I didn’t think my parents would do such a thing, vatungamiri kuchurch kwavo. Please help, what’s the best for me?
Response
Thank you so much for reading my column and thank you for being so honest. As I always say marriage is a lifetime commitment it should be taken seriously. I am shocked that tete is insisting that you get married.
A tete who is worth her salt will do all the groundwork first. She is the one who should go back to your family and tell them the truth that besides the day you came back at 8:30pm, you guys have never indulged in sex. Kwauri kugara zvino you don’t even share a bedroom with your boyfriend.
People don’t get married because they came late. Tete should rise above all this. I feel so sorry for you girl you have been put between the depth and the devil. Parents should understand that when you use public transport you don’t have much choice on the arrival time or so.
The same may happen with private transport because so many things can cause delays, for instance, traffic jams, bad roads and police checks. You say vatungamiri kusangano, these are the type of leaders who bring churches into disrepute. My advice is try to make tete understand the situation you are in, you are not pregnant, you did not have sex with this guy so technically hapana mhosva inonyatsomutsikirira.
You are both majors you agreed to go for this function and I assume you had told your parents about this. If there is any misunderstanding especially on your side people should sit down and deal with the issue of coming home late amicably kwete kuti roorwa. The best is for you to go back home because what is happening may destroy the relationship that you were working on.
Ko unogarirei kana mukomana wako asati akuziva zvekupinda newe muwanano. I hope the options I have mentioned will help but if push comes to shove go to church and ask the pastor to intervene. It is my hope that they accept you back home. Pray for divine intervention it is the best. I hope to hear from you again.
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MAI CHISAMBA, I love your column, it’s so helpful. I am a young guy and I turn 24 at the end of this year.
I was raised by a wonderful stepmother, she really went out of her way to make sure I went to good schools together with her two kids, my half brother and sister. Like any other child, I longed to be close to my biological mother but this was never to be.
My father used to let me go kwasekuru, my mother’s brother for holidays so that she would come to see me but she never did. I have met my mother twice in my whole life and our meeting was by chance vatouyawo nekwasekuru. She had me when she was 19 years old. She did not marry my father but she left me when I was a toddler. The problem is she did not tell her new husband that she had a child.
I hear she tells the world that ndiri mwana wa late sister yavo. I am a big secret in her life. I have since stopped visiting her side of the family, why should I bother. I am degreed and now looking for employment. Hupenyu hwakaoma mufunge, my stepmother tells people I am her beloved first born child and she treats me that way, what a difference. I have no words to describe this woman, she is blessed.
My father is a wonderful parent too but he is obliged to be. Mai Chisamba, I was well brought up as you can see, I don’t want this lie to continue I want my mother’s husband to know who I am. I just want to clear this, I don’t want to be part and parcel of their lives. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want anything from her vakandiramba ndiri mupenyu but the truth should come out. Does she have a conscience at all? Why? Please advise.
Response
Thank you so much for writing in, I am happy you are benefiting from the column. It’s very refreshing to hear about a good and caring stepmother, she is a very rare species. Parenting is more about bringing up a child in the best possible ways as in your case. It’s really sad that at your age you have only met your mother twice. Children are precious gifts from God, I don’t understand why your mother does not see it that way.
Mwana haisi tsvina and you did not choose to be born under such circumstances. It’s actually a right to access both your biological parents. By lying for so many years your mother has complicated her life. Why lie about her own son? I don’t think the guy she married would have said no if he truly loved your mother.
We have an adage that says “rine manyanga hariputirwe” hezvo after so long you want the truth to come out. Your issue should not be so much that your stepfather (mother’s husband) knows about you, but should be about your mother acknowledging you and taking responsibility. My advice comes in two stages, for now let’s try the first and see how it goes. Work with your father, don’t do it alone it’s a very explosive situation. The first port of your call is kwa sekuru where you used to go for holidays.
Vaudzei zviri pasi pemoyo vana sekuru navana mbuya ngavakupei gwara. Mind you stepfather is very innocent and he is the only person who is not aware of the truth. We don’t want to hurt his feelings, life is about treating other people fairly.
I know he will get to hear about it but let it be done properly. It will definitely brush his feathers, the trust, love and faith that he has in his wife may evaporate.
Kuvanza mwana is one of the worst things a parent can do. It’s torture to the child. Praying for such situations is advisable because God will always do the best. Please let me know the outcome of the first stage. I wish you all the best.
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