The Sunday Mail
Neighbour wants my maid
I am married and we are blessed with two teenage boys, both in boarding school. We are a happy family and sometimes we feel lonely and miss our kids during the school term.
We are both gainfully employed so tinoswera tisipo but we have a maid. Our neighbours have five kids, two girls and three boys.
I have had my maid working for me for the last three years but I do not trust her. The way we are going through groceries is no different than it is when the kids are on holiday. I once asked about this and she says our neighbour asks for things in our absence.
I told her point blank that she had no right to give anyone anything without my permission. She replied kuti haagone zvekunyima. I did not like this response but I just ignored her.
A fortnight ago the neighbour asked if we could share the maid since she spent the day alone and she does not seem that busy. I told my neighbour that it was not possible because we would confuse her and risk losing her.
She told me that she had already talked to the maid and she had agreed that the little she would get would add to her salary.
According to the grapevine when we are at work my maid goes to assist this woman. I do not know if she gets any favours from her. I am very disappointed but the truth is I do not want to act like I am fighting for a maid.
Since I said no, my neighbour avoids me and does not want to speak to me. Hakusi kutsvagawo muromo uku here? Is it ok if I let this girl go and work for my neighbour for good?
I cannot go by such a foolish arrangement. How do I handle this? It is now disturbing our peace. The maid is a mature woman who has a child.
Response
I am glad you are a happy family and from the look of things you are managing well.
My advice is do not let your maid come between you and your neighbour. In as much as you may need assistance from domestic workers, the truth is they come and go.
Your neighbours should be like family; when something befalls you they are usually among the first to respond.
In my view, your maid is very disobedient. How can she answer back and say zvekunyima haazvigone? Whose things was she talking about? You do not give away what does not belong to you. How can you trust such a maid?
Life is hard and we try as much to make household provisions last long.
She is employed by you. I cannot believe she went behind your back and agreed to work for your neighbour as well.
Your neighbour is acting selfishly there are many maids out there, zvekuraurirana mudish zvakashata.
I think you need to confront your neighbour and talk as adults tell her the current arrangement just does not work for you.
What kind of neighbour asks for provisions from a worker? If she were in your shoes would she tolerate that? Talk over this amicably and move on.
Sisi also has to be put in her place. If she is no longer interested in working for you then terminate her contract sezvinodiwa pamutemo. There is no point in having her in the house if she is disobedient.
School is out and the kids are on holiday, enjoy this time with your boys and spouse. I wish you all the best.
***
My mother is a nomad
I come from a family of three girls and two boys. We are all grown up and married now.
Our parents are retired teachers in their late 60s. We have a beautiful rural home with bath tubs and running water.
We take turns to help out and they have a city house that they rent out. They also receive a small pension. We have two people who work for our parents and we pay their wages. In short our parents are comfortable and are ageing with dignity.
The problem is amai is always away from home. She makes rounds visiting each one of us every time she comes to town. Baba is alone most of the time.
We do not say anything to her because we do not want to start a fire.
Last week baba phoned me as I am the eldest son and told me to tell the rest of the siblings his growing discontent about the matter. He is a very reserved man who is slow to anger but I could hear from his voice that he was really fed up. He said “if your mother does not want to stay at the rural home please bvisai matenants kumba so that she can stay there”.
This habit of randomly going around visiting people is embarrassing him. How do I convey such a message to my mother? I spoke to my other siblings and they agreed that amai was overdoing it. As I write this letter she is not at home. She is at my youngest sister’s house and amai vemukwasha varikowo ikoko.
My sister opened up and said it was a burden having the two grannies at the same time but her mother-in-law is here because she is not feeling well. Please help.
Response
I feel sorry for your father, I understand where he is coming from. I think your mother has pushed him into a corner.
I do not understand why she does not want to stay at such a comfortable home with her spouse. Where does she get the energy to be always on the move?
It is a very tall order for you to be asked to convey this message to amai. Baba is alive and well: why can he not tell his own wife?
She is even visiting at inappropriate times, why does she not give your sister room to look after her sick mother-in-law? This is grossly unfair and before you know it this can affect the good relationship mukuwasha enjoys with your sister.
As her children, you have tried to make the rural home as comfortable as possible so she should show gratitude. Why does she make these rounds alone as if she is the only living parent?
I think the best for you in this case is to plan a family meeting at the rural home. You can ask vakuwasha to go slaughter a goat or do something to occupy themselves. Baba may then break the ice.
For now try and keep it in the family because zvinonyadzisa. If she does not improve after this then zvakutoda vana sekuru, her brothers and sisters.
I do not think baba is speaking from the heart when he says remove the tenants from the house so that your mother stays there. They are not divorced and such an arrangement sends the wrong message to the family. She is supposed to be a role model. She must behave like a mature woman in her 60s. It is good to visit but it should not just be a habit.
I suggest you also initiate some projects that can keep her tied up; for instance, kuchengeta huku nezvihuta, or get her a machine yekukuya dovi etc. She can run a productive garden since there is running water.
One of the problems could be that she has too much time on her hands.
Kudanana nababa rimwe basa riri very entertaining if she puts her mind back to this. I wish you all the best.
********
I love mukoma’s small house
I am a 28-year-old degreed guy but not formally employed. My elder brother’s friend is 36 years old and stinking rich.
I do not want to talk about how he built his empire. He is married and blessed with two children but mukoma ndeve magame. He has a secret girlfriend and they have a daughter and some of our relatives know about this woman.
When he asked me to look after the “small house” and always act as the boyfriend when in the presence of other people I agreed because he pays me well.
I broke up with my childhood sweetheart because she could not take it. She said “haunyare kushandiswa zvakadaro?” and walked out on me.
I stay in a beautiful rented house and it also has a posh granny’s cottage. The girlfriend stays in the main house and I stay in the cottage. Mukoma comes whenever he feels like and his wife is not aware of this.
I drive the small house around when they go out. Mukoma usually meets us at a set location. He does not want to be seen with this woman in the same car because of his standing in the community and in the church.
This woman is 25 and now we have fallen in love. I mean true love. I no longer sleep in the cottage when mukoma is not there.
For the two of us he is now just the source of our income. We now inflate the prices of the things we need every month so that we have more than enough.
This woman says she does not want to be a small house anymore. She wants freedom and true love seyandiri kumupa. I love her with all my heart and I feel like she is being wasted. The two of us agreed to seek advice from you. Please understand, takuda kuvaka musha wedu.
We have weighed all the options if he gets fired up about this when we tell him we will spill the beans. After all he is already married, how can he have a spare wife isu vamwe tisina?
How do we go about this? I know it is going to cause a lot of problems but I have found true love and hapana kusiri kufa.
Response
As usual I will be very honest. I will start by saying any woman with five working senses who agrees to be called a small house because her lover is legally married is absurd. Why settle for that?
She is only 25 and the world is her oyster, she can do and become so much more than a small house. In my view this is not love. I respect the decision taken by your childhood sweetheart because she respects herself. You initially got into this for the money or have you forgotten that?
I would like to remind you that how you get them is usually how you lose them. What happens if down the line another wealthy married man approaches this woman? Do you think she will turn him down? Do not talk about being educated because you are making a mockery of it, you do not seem to reason at all.
Yes, life is tough but there are better ways to try and earn a living. You were employed to look after someone’s girlfriend and now you want her.
Are you not aware of diseases like HIV and Aids?
I know this is an illicit affair and we do not encourage this, but iwe sei ukuraurira mudish? I do not think you have found true love. I think circumstances and being in close proximity with this woman have made you feel like she is the one for you. You have no pride. How can you jump in bed with a woman after another man jumps out?
True love is about trust and if you marry this woman you will never trust her. These tricks you are playing kuna mukoma will haunt you for a long time to come. I hope you have not scarred her child. She must be confused when she sees what is going on around her. Munotovhiringidza mwana for life.
You can go ahead and marry this woman but trust me it will be a waste of time.
The small house should also remember every choice she makes in life will affect her child. She needs to grow up, life is not about kuchengetwa — it is about constantly working to better yourself.
I advise you to stop what you are doing. A lot of people have been killed or maimed because of the games you are playing.
To mukoma’s relatives who go to see the small house and the kid Nicodemusly, muchazoshaya pekupinda. Rine manyanga hariputirwe.
Families should correct each other when other members lose their way. The child is innocent and should be distanced from this circus as much as possible. It is this child’s right to know her father’s family, something must be done. I would be very happy to hear from you again.
Write to [email protected] or WhatsApp +263771415747.
