The Sunday Mail
Cheating on lazy husband
I am a 28-year-old woman married to a guy 10 years older than me. We are blessed with two kids and have been married for 11 years. The problem is this hubby of mine is “Mr Know-It-All”, he does not take advice at all. We bought a stand quite some time ago and I have been telling him that we need to build now because we are not getting any younger.
He is a spoilt person, akajaira kubatsirwa nehama neshamwari. He stays in his comfort zone. His response when I raise the building issue is “mashaya pekugara here?”
I do not want to be stressed. This issue is driving me up the wall. To avoid unnecessary arguments I am now going out with a married man. This was the only way for me to have a stress-free life. The two of us have the same problems and we love each other so much. We both don’t care how this will end.
This guy provides for me and my kids. For the first time in life I feel cherished. Now life is sweet and smooth. I do not ask my husband for anything; zvaanenge aita ndizvozvo, ngaagare mucomfort zone make imomo.
My only problem now is how do I get him to start working on our stand, the children are growing up fast. I may end up marrying the guy I am going out with but my kids will need a home. Zvekuita lodging hazvina future. Please assist.
Response
Your letter shows how heartless and irresponsible you are. A married woman bragging about going out with another man? An extra marital affair is nothing to be proud of. What you describe as love is lust and excitement. I am shocked to hear you say that it is the only way to get rid of stress. Mukati dzichiri kudhonza here pfungwa dzenyu vasikana? Why are you getting carried away like this?
Do you ever think of the guy’s wife? Put yourself in her shoes? Do you ever think of his children? How can you choose to be so careless about your life and potentially turn a blind eye to diseases such as HIV and Aids and many others? For interest’s sake, let’s imagine your spouses have affairs as well, then how big is this group?
In trying to drive stress away you are actually inviting bigger problems that you may be unable to solve. You may be sued for adultery by your hubby or your boyfriend’s wife if this is discovered and proved beyond doubt.
You need to respect yourself, your body and your marriage. How on Earth can you talk about marrying someone whilst you are married? Marriage is about being trustworthy. What makes you think this guy will marry and trust you imi chitsotsi chese muchitamba mese?
Wake up and smell the coffee. It’s not as easy as you think. You are being selfish. You aren’t thinking of your dear children. Yes, they need a roof over their heads but they also need your love and care because they look up to you.
I suggest you drop this boyfriend immediately. You have been unfaithful, you need to go and get tested. I mean you and your official husband so that you start on a clean slate. After this, rope in a professional counsellor who will help you pick up the pieces.
The idea of building your own home is very noble it cannot be over emphasised. Pfavirai ngoma husiku hurefu. I will be happy to hear from you again. Pray sincerely for God’s intervention and you will be delivered. Kwamavakutambira kunonyudza.
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I want the outstanding lobola
The world is changing Mai Chisamba, and if we are not careful we will not be able to keep the next generation in check. Mine is a problem many people fail to understand and appreciate. Even my wife is not on my side. My daughter got married eight years ago and they have been blessed with a boy and a girl.
My daughter and husband have done well. I do not want to mince my words: they are very wealthy. When he paid his lobola he did not finish paying for danga. I charged him nine mombe and he paid for five. Mukwasha has done wonders for us. He bought two houses in low density areas, one for us and one for his parents tikaburitswa mughetto.
He is a good provider and very generous. Our family at large appreciates him. I spoke to my wife and family representatives about sending mun’ai to ask for the jeredzwa and everyone went mad, zvanzi handinyari kana kutenda.
My daughter even phoned me crying saying “dad you are a disgrace, I heard what you are up to”. Mai Chisamba, please help. I know mukwasha has done a lot of things that I cannot count but ndatadza here kubvunza jeredzwa rangu? There is a lot of tension among us and I know even if mun’ai is to go, by now mukuwasha akatoudzwa. It is very disturbing when your spouse teams up with other family members to condemn you.
They cannot see sense; ndivo vanhu vari kujaidza vakuwasha nevaroora kushaya gwara.
Response
Before we attempt to solve your issue, I want to say congratulations for being such a great parent, father and grandpa. You should consider yourself one of the fortunate people enjoying the fruits of your children’s sweat. Thank the Lord for that, vamwe kana chipeneti chaicho havasati vambopiwa.
I agree, we need to help each other keep the current generation in check but we can only do so if we as adults are disciplined and orderly. If we run a good relay we will win.
Yes, your wife is your better half but she remains an individual. That is why at times you see things differently. The problem here is you are not talking about the same issue.
You are talking about lobola and they are likely thinking and talking about what mukwasha has done for the family over the years. Zvese zvakaitwa nemukwasha zvinotendwa nekukudzwa asi hazvinei neroora. I think it is very straight forward. If you go back to your lobola record you will see the jeredzwa. In all fairness and due respect, that should be honoured and this cannot be substituted with anything.
There is no need for tensions and tempers flaring, just go by the book. Your daughter is off track. She must retract her words and apologise. It’s very rude to call her father a disgrace just for asking for what is rightly his. Even after the jeredzwa is paid, mukwasha can continue helping out. If whatever he did was out of love and kindness then there is no problem.
If he can buy a house for his in-laws angatadza kutenga mombe ina here? The family should not brew a storm in a tea cup, hapana nyaya apa. My advice is to congregate as a family and let mun’ai or any elder explain why this has to be done.
It is an agreement which should be adhered to unless you agree to make changes. Chirango chirango veduwe. Do not let the devil steal the love and peace you enjoy in your family. Pray without ceasing because there is immense power in prayer. I wish you all the best.
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Loving girl I’ve never met
I am a 21-year-old guy and very soon I will start working and I am very excited. I did O-Level and I am about to finish my course. I am a Christian and feel bad because I am cheating on my girl. This girl has been with me through thick and thin. We have been going out for the past six years.
I am cheating with a Kenyan woman who is head-over-heels in love with me, iniwo handichaziva chekuita. I feel so blessed because even though we have never met it is like we have known each other our entire lives.
We speak deep into the night. Thank heavens for social media, we are always on WhatsApp. I got connected to this beautiful girl through an Internet dating site. She sent me her pictures and I did likewise; ko zvichanetsa here?
I am going crazy amai. I am in the process of sending her US$500 she asked to pay for her fees. Things are not going well for her financially. She wants me to visit her and I am dying to go to Kenya. I spoke to my friend about this and he said I am lost. Please amai, I know you will tell it as it is: am I lost?
I know double-crossing my Zimbabwean girl is not fair but this is beyond me — I just cannot help it. Is my friend jealous of me?
Response
Aah, makurumidza. You are 21-years-old and you have been going out with a girl for six years so you started dating when you were 15. I am glad you have a conscience, at least you know that double-crossing is not good. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush; it is in your best interest to stick to your Zimbabwean girl because you know everything there is to know about her.
Internet dating is dangerous because there is no guarantee that you are communicating with who you think you are talking to. I do not want to scare you but this Kenyan girl may be just fiction. How can you be sure the pictures you have seen are hers? She could posing as someone else to lure guys like you.
Many people abuse the Internet, please do not part with the US$500; this could be a racket yematsotsi. Do not go to Kenya alone lest you play into their hands.
If she is asking for fees it means she does not own a house and cannot accommodate visitors. You are still a very young man, why not take it easy? You are not employed yet the games you are playing are for people with money.
I would be happy if you carry on with your studies, you can do better than O-Level. You have too much time on your hands. Your friend is not jealous, instead he is a very good friend because
he discouraged you from sending money. Had it not been for him you may not have written to me. To other Internet users, I say yes, modern technology is a dream come true but use it wisely and make sure you are not taken advantage of. Vet any information you get because it is not gospel truth.
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