The Sunday Mail
Mai Chisamba —
Makadii henyu amai? It has taken a lot of courage for me to do this but I truly realise I need help. I am a young married woman blessed with four beautiful kids. Sometime back my husband and I fell on hard times, I was out of a job and I was struggling with rentals.
My parents invited us to move in with them until we got back on our feet. I was reluctant at first because I have a strained relationship with my mother who has admitted to favouring my other siblings and not me in the past.
We eventually moved in with them and as I feared things were not easy. My mother would constantly berate me and tell me off for my predicament. I remember on one occasion she openly praised her children for the way they were looking after their mother. I then responded by telling her I would also do the same once my situation improved.
She laughed openly in my face and said ‘zvipiko iwe unotochengetwawo’. Amai this response hurt me to the core, nanhasi ndikazvifunga it is like a dagger was placed in my chest. As if that was not enough, mhamha is in the habit of berating me in front of my husband and kids. Amai zvondibhowa pamoyo.
As it happens through prayer I got another job and hubby and I are building on a stand we recently acquired. We are, however, still staying with my parents because my father insisted that this way we would finish our project faster because of fewer financial commitments.
However, life is still not pleasant at home with mom and it is not for a lack of trying on my part. I buy food and pay bills but it is not enough. I confided in hubby and asked him if we could move out even if it meant shelving or stalling our project. But he is refusing and insists he will only move out tichienda kumba kwedu.
It is now affecting me to the point that I now have heart palpitations induced by stress. I am even starting to entertain suicidal thoughts because kumba kwacho hakugarike and it is a battle going there every day after work. I am at my wits end handichaziva kuti ndodini. Please help me Amai.
Response
Thank you for your letter. If I understood you well you moved in with your parents because you had fallen on hard times. This was only a stepping stone not a permanent arrangement.
Your parents felt for you then, but now you can stand on your own two feet. Your mother should not compare her children, each child is unique in their own way. Instead she should play a pivotal role to make sure each one of you is accommodated. Picking quarrels with you in front of your children or spouse shows no respect.
We are a people with a culture that encourages us to respect our in-laws. Mukuwasha anoremekedzwawo. I think it is a good idea for you and your mum to work on your relationship. You need each other, you are family. Talk to someone that your mother respects be it her sahwira or one of her siblings.
From your letter I can see that you take things seriously and at times negatively. You should learn to forgive and let go because it is not good for your health. Contemplating suicide is the worst thing that a mother and a spouse can entertain.
You were blessed with four beautiful kids who all look up to you and a husband who you vowed to be with in good and bad times. The best thing for you and your family is to move away, go and start your own life rumukai makura.
Your husband is lost you have to convince him. Muhupenyu zvinodiwa hazvipere so he should not say you should only move out when you complete the house you are building for yourselves.
Life is full of surprises what if something crops up then what would be next? You did not say much about baba but I have a feeling that you get on well, he can also help steady the boat. Pray for your family and be jovial usatsamwe segurwe rinozvidimbura makumbo rozoshaya zvekuita. You are young and full of potential, always look at the bright side of life.
Move out and go enjoy your family and marriage. When you leave please do not burn bridges paradzanai murudo kuti muzoshanyirana murudo. She will always be your mum and you shall always be her daughter so make this relationship work.
