The Sunday Mail
Thank you very much for your column. I am a 36-year-old guy and married to a 29-year-old woman and we are blessed with two children, a boy and a girl.
I come from a very difficult background and my testimony is that the woman I married saved my life. I now go to church as a person who has found Jesus. Both my parents are alive but at my age I still do not know who and what can make my mother genuinely happy. We are members of one of the main line churches, I can say we were born in church if it makes sense.
I have two brothers and two sisters so we are five in all and all married. My problem is, although, my mother is a very active Christian havabve mun’anga nema porofita akati kuuya. This is destroying the family, some have been influenced, especially my sisters and my eldest brother.
Mai Chisamba, you cannot believe some of the things that they are told ikoko kwavanofamba. I have refused to be cowed into this. Instead of telling the truth they blame our wives that they are behind our refusal to accept the rituals from the dark world. She does not trust anyone, even her own people. Nyaya yavo ndeyekutya kuroiwa or kuuraiwa. How can I help her see the light? If anything good happens within the family she brags kuti ndini ndakazvifambira.
My father has since stopped arguing with her, he just takes a back seat and ignores her. One of my sisters has been cautioned by her hubby that if she continues with this he will kick her out of his life.
This is eating me up, how can church members lose it like this? When they accuse my wife kuti anonditonga she does not take offense, she actually feels sorry for them. Amai even throws away gifts she gets from family and friends zvanzi vanotya kushinhirwa. It is mean because some of the things she throws away are expensive, at times she takes them to the church vonotendwa asi kuriiko kutorasa. There is no harmony and peace in our family, my mother is like poison. Please help I am confused and we rarely visit each other now.
Response
It is very sad when people spend their time and energy pretending to be who they are not. I have addressed several similar issues on this platform and it is just unfortunate. The Christian religion you are talking about has very straight forward dos and don’ts from the Bible and that is to be adhered to.
The good thing is we are free to choose a religion, which allows us to do what we want with our lives. Mothers, as I always say, are supposed to be the backbones of their families, not trouble causers as in your mother’s case. Your father is not doing what he should as the head of family. Taking a back seat then vonyarara is cowardice at its worst ndiyo mbwende yababa, why does he not say something? It is not for me to say kun’anga nekumaporofita kwakadii but most families are caught napping. Nyaya dzekufamba hadzina kusiyana nefodya, they are very addictive.
Some will go to consult for very petty everyday issues because it is in their blood. The route she is taking will most likely have her viewing many people as enemies and this will keep her in panic mode. What has she done which is exceptionally out of this world that everyone sees her as a threat? I urge you to start talking as a family — baba, amai and all your siblings.
Try and find common ground, let your sister learn to work with her husband. If this does not yield anything tell amai that you would call her pastor to come and assist. Tell her never to use the church as a dumping ground handiko kwekuendesa zvinhu zvavasina trust nazvo, that is wrong. If she has differences with her daughters-in-law she must not blame them falsely.
It also pays to conduct prayers and share scriptures within the family. Kana vasingade zvinhu zvekuigirwa ngavataure it is not fair to throw these things away. The people who bring the parcels do it from the bottom of their hearts. Keep your peace and serve the master of your choice, do not mix religions. I know many people take churches as clubs where they can spend time with their friends. People should instead attend church for the correct reasons.
If there is no improvement then we may need to go outside family and church but for now I think you have a starting point. Remember you are dealing with family so due respect is expected all the way. She will always be your mum.
