The Sunday Mail
Pastors Davison and Gwen Kanokanga Matrimonial Hub
WE all need money, we use it daily. No marriage can function without money. Due to the centrality of money in our lives, it is important for us to know and understand how money ought to be acquired and used in our homes. This is particularly so because whilst money can make the world go round, it can also rock relationships.
Money is such a deeply emotional issue that it is believed that 70 percent of all worries are money related.
Money itself is not bad. It is not the problem.
The bible in 1 Timothy 6:10 tells us what the problem is, it is the love of money.
In other words, the problem is our attitude towards money, how we acquire and use it. There are honest and dishonest ways of making money as well as good and bad ways of using it. Unless we know the correct use of money, we are likely to continue experiencing financial problems in our homes.
Money is a big issue in many marriages.
In fact, it is believed that in addition to communication and sex, money is one of the biggest problem areas in marriage.
Its availability or non-availability can result in couples having all sorts of misunderstandings in their marriages.
Some of the problems can have immediate and or long term effects on children, effects which none of the parties will have intended or imagined.
The good thing however is that these problems can be overcome.
Here are some of the money related problems that can occur in marriages.
1. If for some reason, the husband is unemployed or is employed but earns less than what his wife earns, this can give rise to a submission problem on the part of the wife.
Jim and Sally Conway summed this problem well on page 240 of their book “Traits of a Lasting marriage”:
“Often the unspoken rule is that whoever earns the most money has the greatest voice in the family. The power usually applies to all decisions, not just how the finances will be used. Wives who do not work for money outside the home may have little power in the marriage relationship. On the other hand, wives who work and are too successful may be a threat to their husbands.”
How true this is!
It is not easy for an unemployed husband or one who earns less than his wife to confidently exercise his leadership in the house.
Some men who find themselves in this situation feel threatened by their own wives whilst others even question their manhood.
This results in some of them being too pliable or who by default, surrender their headship to their wives.
On the other hand, a wife who earns more than her husband can easily be tempted to take over the headship of the house and demand submission from her husband.
Money can thus result in a reversal of roles.
Nevertheless, headship of the household is for the husband – employed or unemployed – whilst every wife is required to submit to her husband no matter how much she earns.
2. The need for money can at times result in spouses working and residing in different geographical locations.
The parties are put asunder by distance for the sake of money. You may find one spouse living and working in one country whilst the other spouse lives, works or studies in another country. This tends to destroy intimacy and gives rise to suspicion, mistrust and temptation.
What we ought to remember is that when God created Adam and Eve, he placed them in one garden and directed that nothing should put them asunder.
We also ought to remember that the ideal parenting process that God set up was for every child to have a positive and close relationship with two parents, that is, input and
influence from both mother and father.
The healthy development of the human personality requires this interaction with masculine and feminine authority figures during the eighteen years of childhood and adolescence.
This is not possible when parents live in different geographical locations. The quest for money can shake up marriages and undermine the healthy development of children.
You cannot allow money to put your family asunder.
