The Sunday Mail
SUBMITTING to another person is an often misunderstood concept, it does not mean being a doormat.
When we submit to God, we become more willing to obey his command to submit to others, that is to subordinate our rights to theirs.
In a marriage relationship, both husband and wife are called to submit. For the wife, this means willingly following her husband’s leadership in Christ. In God’s divine order, when a wife submits to her husband, it makes a marriage work. The Bible communicates the mind of God concerning submission when it says,
“Wives submit yourselves unto your own husband, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ if the head of the Church…Therefore as the Church is subject unto Christ so let the wives be to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5 v21-24
Before a woman can submit to her husband, she must first learn to submit to God. The degree to which you yield yourself to the commands of God determines the degree to which you will yield to your husband.
The husband must also submit himself to God, because it is the extent to which he submits to God that will determine the degree to which his wife will submit to him.
Submission entails the following:
A wife’s submission is a response to love
The headship of a husband consists in providing sacrificial and loving leadership to his family members. Such a leadership provides the basis for a loving and joyful submission on the part of the wife.
God’s plan for husbands is to be loving, wives to be respectful helpmates. This is designed to promote completion and harmony, not competition and conflict.
The two roles can be compared to a lock and key. If the lock wants to be the key or the key wants to be the lock because either or both of them are unhappy with their assigned roles, both of them become useless. It is only when the lock and the key function as designed that they work properly in the same way, it is only when the husband and wife function as loving head and responsive helpmate, that their marriage will work properly in accordance with God’s design. Each spouse is unfulfilled alone but together they make a whole.
Submission in respect
and acceptance
A wife’s submission to her husband manifests through her respect for him.
“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”(Ephesians 5:33)
Respect is something that must be gained through proper conduct. When a husband exercises a loving sacrificial headship, his wife finds him worthy of trust, honour and respect. Respect is an essential quality of love. If love is to grow through the years, it must be based on mutual respect.
A wife can show respect toward her husband when she does the following:
Accept and affirm his moral and spiritual leadership in the home.
Defer to him certain decisions, questions or problems.
Admire and praise him for his achievements.
Place him first when planning activities.
Support his financial plans.
When your husband knows that you respect, support and admire him, no sacrifice will be too great for him. When a wife is submissive, she accepts her husband the way he is. We need to learn to accept and love our husbands or our wives unconditionally by realising how God accepts us.
“God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.” Romans 5v8
When you accept your husband the way he is you will give him the freedom to be the man he wants to be. A man needs the acceptance of his wife to live a healthy, happy and satisfying life. When he feels that he is constantly on trial he becomes discouraged.
Put your husband first
Placing one’s husband first means avoiding certain negative attitudes and actions, for example criticism of his character or performance, especially in front of others. This can hurt him more than a slap on the face. Also consider your husband’s likes and dislikes and avoid jealousy and possessiveness. A wife should not let good things such as children, home-making, in-laws and appearance among others, to get out of balance and control her time and interests.
Acceptance of the roles
in submission
Headship and submission are roles established by God to ensure order, peace and harmony in the home. Besides all you can do, accept your role as home maker and mother, finding joy fulfilling such roles creatively, efficiently and lovingly. God has equipped women with unique biological and spiritual resources needed for the survival and growth of the home. A woman who willingly and joyfully accepts her role of wife, mother and home-maker can experience greater reward and fulfilment than any academic or business career can provide.
According to Proverbs 31:28-29, “no greater joy and satisfaction can come to a woman than to have her children rising up and calling her ‘blessed’ and her husband praising her saying. Many women have done excellently but you surpass them all.”
Acceptance of a husband’s role
A home with two heads or with the wife as the head is an abnormality because it distorts the distinctive male-female roles. God’s order for the home is for the husband to serve as a loving leader and for the wife to accept his leadership. This order has been divinely established to ensure harmony, happiness and protection.
Submission is a command. God commanded the man to love his wife and the woman to submit to his authority. It is something every wife must do. Failure to embrace submission as a command from God has brought so much heartache into several homes.
Without this all-important ingredient, no matter how anointed the couple are, that marriage simply cannot work. By willingly submitting, you are obeying God’s command and you will not miss your reward.
Submission must be in thought, word and action. Submission can be reflected in the words you speak. Some women talk to their husbands rudely, using derogatory words. You can convey submission or indifference by your choice of words. By speaking right and gracious words, you will draw your husband closer. Right words spoken at the right time are of great value.
Real submission will cause your husband to speak good of you, praise and respect you such that people will wonder if he has been “charmed”. This is one of the benefits of submission. It wins a man’s heart, triggers genuine care and foster unity. If you desire success in your marriage, use the instrument of submission, it really works.
Enjoy your marriage.
Apostle Langton C Kanyati is the founder of Grace Unlimited Ministries International and Zoe Life Changing Ministries. Email feedback at [email protected] WhatsApp ; 0772987 844.
