‘Mama Chisamba, God took my husband and broke my heart, eleven years on it still hurts’

Mama Chisamba, how does one move on after a God-given heartbreak? My heart was not broken by a man but by his untimely death. We had been married for only two weeks when the love of my life died. Kungoti musoro in the morning, he took a day off then manheru ndokushaya ndakatarisa.

It is eleven years since that day saka ndati ndikunyorereiwo, Mai Chisamba, maybe you can help me because ndichiri kungochema nanhasi. I cannot be with another man after him. I’m 34 now. I can’t bear kana kunzi ndokuda zvako. The few times I have tried dating again I find myself comparing the person I’m with to my dearly departed.

If I go to places we used to go together I find myself crying. A lot of times I prefer kugara ndega, zviri normal here? Zvichapera rinhi? Why did he have to go so soon? Ko ivo Mwari vakamirira kuti tichate chete vazomutora? Ko ini ndakasara kuti ndigare ndichingorwadziwa kudai here, vasikana? – Mobby, Karoi

Response

Ndadzamirwa zvikuru netsamba yako. Mukunyora kwako uchiti Mwari ndaona semunhu ari muchitendero chechiKristu. Munamato washe unoti, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Hatigone kutongesa Mwari asi zvatinoziva ndezvekuti zvese zvavanoita pane zvazvakanakira. Hongu, tinoona senguva diki yewanano yako asi tarira you have precious memories.

Kune vamwe vagara makore muwanano inovava isina kana any sweet memory. Mukutaura tinoti munhu akadonha haarambe akarara pasi anosumuka ozunza oenderera mberi. Kuona kwedu kwakasiyana nekwaMusikavanhu. Iwe uri kuona sewakanyepudzwa pada muridzi weupenyu anototi ndakakupa mukana wekusangana nekudanana nemunhu akanaka. Chirega kuramba uchichema, kumbira kupiwa mumwe mudiwa akanaka. Kugara wega kunoita kuti urambe uchisurukirwa. Endawo munzvimbo dzakadzikama, dzinofarwa zvine hunhu, haungazomboshaya. Ndinokushuvira rombo rakanaka.

She keeps on giving birth

Ini dambudziko rangu, Mai Chisamba, rakamira rakadai. Ndine makore 34 same nemudzimai wangu. Takaroorana six years ago. Patakaita first born yedu I had plans dzekudzokera kunoita master’s yangu kuchikoro mwana wedu asati akuendawo, asi pandakati ndoita mudzimai wangu akabata pamwe pamuviri. Ini nguva iyoyo ndaifunga kuti arikunwa macontraceptives.

Mukadzi wangu haashande, ndakamuhodhera huku dzemazai kuti achengete tibatsirane paincome yemhuri yedu yanga yakura zvisina plan asi mimba iyoyo ndaingonzi inoda mazai zvekuti achingodya zvese neprofit handina kuzomboona kwazvakaenda.

Kava kusvika kechina ndichiedza kumutsiridza business irori asi anongodya huku dzacho, mazai zvose nemari. Pamwana wechitatu ndaifunga kuti mumwe wangu akabaiwa asi akazoreurura kuti akazenge asina kuenda kuclinic. Mukadzi uyu arikungondibarira maresponsibilities ndakatarira Mai Chisamba.

Zvese zvekuzvisimudzira kuti ndigowanawo basa riri nani zvapinda musango. Apa mhuri yakura. Ndizvowo here zviri kuitika mudzimba dzevamwe kuti mukadzi anongofunga zvekungozvara asingataurirane nemurume? Ini ndoona kuti mukadzi wangu arikundidzvinyirira Mai Chisamba. Ndakutotya kusangana naye pabonde nekuti handichamutruste kunyangwe akakabira mapiritsi ndakatarisa. In fact, can’t these be grounds for divorce? I’m fed up. – Lovemore, Chiredzi

Response

Lovemore, unorasika nekuti unofunga kuti family planning ndeye mudzimai chete. Uri kutoita zvekufungira kuti mukadzi wako arikuwana macontraceptives, uri baba vepa next door here? Zvinobatsiranwa muchiyeuchidzana. Varume chaivo mazuva ano vanotonanaidzana nemadzimai avo kuenda kuclinic kana kuchipatara.

Ko divorce yauri kutaura iri kuunzwa nekudya mazai nehuku here? Ndapota marriage is a life-time commitment, please take it seriously kwete kuti munhu akadya kanhiyo hanzi ndomuramba. Bonde nderevaviri zvekuzoti mumwe ari kuzvara zvisina plan hazvishande.

Kana mai vari kuchengeta huku vari kutoita basa remaoko. Kurudziro yangu ndeyekuti garai pasi muri vaviri moronga pamwe chete. Onesa mumwe wako kukosha kwebhizinisi nekukosha kwekuchengetedza mari. Apa Lovemore nyaya yekudzvinyirirwa haikwane zve haitomboripo.

Pamunoita bonde mhedzisiro inogona kuunza kacheche kunyange musina kutaurirana. Wanano haidi mazvake mazvake, zvose zvamunoita rongai mese nekubudirana pachena. Children are special gifts from God, love your kids and love your wife vakakosha zvikuru. Last but not least kana mudzimai wako abika huku dzauri kupengera iwe unodya nei?

I want a relationship with my son

How are you, Mai Chisamba? Some years back I cheated on my wife. I loved this girl so much I was even willing to marry her. When I explained my situation to her that she was going to have to be my second wife she totally refused and broke up with me. A few months later I heard she had been married.

Her first child was born exactly nine months after our break-up. I confronted her and she acknowledged kuti mwana ndewangu.

I don’t want to interfere with her marriage but I want to be a part of my son’s life. He should know his real father. My question is, what can I do to exercise my rights on my child without affecting her marriage? – Gerald, Rugare

Response

Shame on you, Gerald, why did you cheat on your wife? Ipapo uri kuratidza hunhu hwakasiyana siyana, like cheese and chalk. Waakuda kumira-mira semunhu ari responsible kunyaya yemwana iwe waitoita zvekubira. Ko nguva yekutevedza mukadzi uyu uri kuiwanepi? Hongu anogona kunge ari mwana wako asi nerumwe rutivi anogona kunge asiri wako.

Ko kana akaudza murume wake chokwadi vakawirirana kuchengeta mwana uyu zvakadaro? You say you don’t want to interfere with her marriage, but this is exactly what you are doing. Kuenda kumba kwemumwe murume kunobvunza kuti mwana ndewani? Aaah, iwe tipe maserious kani please, come clean, is it about the child or the mother? Isu sevanhu vatema nyaya yauri kutanga iyi chikurura majasi inoda kubatwa nenyanzvi kana washinga.

Pachirungu hainetse kungotaurirana nezvekuita maDNA tests. Ko ukaitanga mwana uyu akabuda asiri wako unenge usina kudenha mago here? Funga kuti unenge warwadzisa vanhu vangani – this couple and your spouse. Nyaya yemaDNA inyaya yemuchina saka kuti tiipedze nemashoko chete haikwane. Kurudziro ndeyekuti funga zvandakunyorera unzwe kuti unenge wasarudza kuti kudini. Hero jira kufuka kana kuwarira.

Will my family accept her?

Mai Chisamba ndatambura. Ndine mai vandiri kudanana navo vane vana vavo vaviri, she is 30 and I am 26. Dai ranga riri dambudziko remakore ranga riri nani nokuti mazuvano vanhu vazhinji havana basa nazvo. Chiri kundishaisa hope ndiwo vana vake vaviri ava. Ini handina mwana. How do I introduce her to my family and will they accept her? And my friends?

What makes the situation worse is that the two kids were born of different fathers. She has explained to me the circumstances and I understand her but kuti vehukama vanozozvitambira here? Ndodii nhai Mai Chisamba? – Paradzai, Marlborough

Response

Paradzai, usahwande nemumwe ndapota. Tsamba yako iri kuratidza kuti uri dera remurume. Uri kutanga kubata nyaya yekusiyana kwemakore enyu sedambudziko riri nani. Secondly you are worried about family and friends because you don’t know whether they will accept her or not. Thirdly vana ava are from different fathers pada vehukama havazvigashire. Hapana nyaya yako apa uri kungotya vamwe. Hupenyu idungamunhu hongu tigere muvanhu nemuukama, iwe unodei? Ndinyorere nhunha dzako.

Why can’t we get married?

Mai Chisamba isu mumhuri medu hatisi kuroorwa. Tiri vasikana vana, ini mukuru ndave ne41 years uye mudiki ave 31. Tiri kushaya kuti chii chiri kumboitika. Baba namai hapana zvavanotaura. Takamboedza kufamba toga, muchivanhu nemumweya, asi hapana chiri kubuda. Rubatsiro Mai Chisamba. – Rose, Sunningdale

Response

Ndinokunzwisisa, Rose, zviri kukunetsai mumhuri menyu hakusi kusaroorwa asi mashoko anotaurwa pamusoro pemazera enyu. Kuroorwa kana kuroora chipo chinobva kunaMwari chinouya panguva yakakodzera. Izvi zvakafana nenguva yekuzvarwa kana yekufa munhu wese ane nguva yake. Imo mukufamba nekuzvitsvaga munogona kunoudzwa zvinorema zvinoodza moyo zvimwe zvausina nzwisiso pamusoro pazvo.

Vakawanda vari muwanano dzisina upenyu kana mufaro. Vamwe dzakatoparara nekuita sekutumwa kuti masaririra kana kuti mochembera. Kurudziro ndeyekuti usatsvage murume wokuroorwa naye, tsvaga murume anokuda, anokuremekedza waune ushamwari naye. Izvi zvandataura zvinozotumbuka zvichiburitsa a happy marriage. Wanano is about true and everlasting companionship, haisi yekuti chero vekumaraini vakamboona kuti ndakambonhonga.

Kana uri muchitendero chaunodaira, pray about it. There is power in prayer. Ndinovimba uchawana wako, sango rinopa waneta. Good luck.

WhatsApp has cost me my marriage

I am a married mother of one, and we were both happily married with my husband from our wedding until the past three months. I first came across a WhatsApp chat in his phone with another woman.

I asked him who she was and he told me that he had found love and that he never felt that with me before. He also said he really wants to be with her for the rest of his life. I am really hurt with these words but I don’t know what to do. Please help me. – Grace, Masvingo

Response

Nyaya yemaWhatsApp iyi yanetsa, people should not get carried away. Zvinondinetsa kuti sei vamwe vanhu vabva vapengeswa nazvo.

Wanano ine midzi haizunzwe netunyaya twakadai. Murume wako abva asarudza kuparadza mhuri zviri nyore sei kudai? Hauna kundiudza kuti musikana uyu akagara achimuziva here kana kuti kwete. Kurudziro ndeyekuti taurai nemadzitete, kana vana mbuya kwavo kana mamarriage counsellors vakadzidzira basa rekuyananisa.

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We have same totem
Hevoi Mai Chisamba. Ndine makore 23 uye musikana wangu ane makore 19.Tinodana zvakanyanya uye tinoda kuroorana. Hatisati tazivikanwa kumba.Asi tinoera mutupo mumwe chete uye vanhu vanotityisidzira kuti hazviite. Ini hangu ndagara handizvikoshesi. Zvine basa here mazuva ano nekuti hazvinganditadzise kuroora munhu wandinoda. – Brighton Harare
Response
Makorokoto nekuwana chibaya moyo chako nekutaura nyaya yekuda kuroora. Vanhu ngavarege kuita zvekukutyisidzira nekuti hazvivake. Mutupo wakakosha kwazvo usazoutarisira pasi. Brighton nzvimbo nenzvimbo ine zviga zvayo asi mutsika nemagariro edu mune nyaya yecheka ukama. Pane zvirango zvinoitwa kazhinji nemombe zvinotendedza kuti vane mutupo mumwe chete vagone kuroorana. Enderera mberi nehurongwa uzondikokawo kumuchato wenyu.
Looking for Melinda
And this one is looking for Melinda’s contacts.
Melinda’s story made interesting reading. She is obviously a brave and hardworking woman. Her children are, as Mai Chisamba correctly asserts, majors. Somehow they (children) will grow/may have already grown to know of dear mom’s loneliness and eventually will learn to understand/accept her relationship if ever afterwards.
Ironically, in some cultures a partner is hubby unlike in ours. However, in this day and age cultures meet and mix. There is a website (eharmony) which seeks to match partners. Interestingly, my wife passed on three years ago leaving me and six adult children.
I will turn 62 towards end of this year, Melinda at 46 could be a perfect match. Maybe she would want to think about it. – Musiiwa, Harare

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