Mai Chisamba: “My brother has been reduced to a fool”

MUDZIMBA with Mai Chisamba

My brother has been reduced to a fool

Makadii Mai Chisamba? Thank you so much for this platform, ini handina dambudziko but I am worried sick about my brother and so is the whole family. My brother has been turned into a fool, mishonga yakashata. Before he got married to this crazy woman he calls his wife he was a very normal guy, sociable, loving and outgoing.

Mai Chisamba iye zvino rave rema, haachina kana basa nehama dzake akungoda dzemukadzi wake chete. Most weekends and holidays anenge ari kwaChihota kwavaambuya vake. Our parents are still alive but he hardly visits them hanzi vanotaurisa too much.

Mari kana rubatsiro vanotopihwa kana zvapressa. He tries as much as possible to keep away from us, isuwo takungomusiya akadaro. Last week takambosangana pabirthday remwana wangu tikawirirana nemamwe masiblings kuti tifambe arutsiswe.

I hope you get where I am coming from, mwana wamai vangu akuitwa dununu takatarisa here changosara kudaidzwa surname nemutupo wemukadzi wake.

The wife says we are jealous of their love and progressive life but that’s not true. Ini nyaya yangu ndeyekuti tikamurutsisa tinenge tatadza here? Our reason is we want him back into the family fold.

RESPONSE

Thank you so much for writing in and thank you for using our platform. I can feel your anger but my advice is relax, let us go through your letter phase by phase. You say your brother was once very sociable, loving and outgoing, so the point at issue is what brought about this sudden change in his character.

Ongororai muchidzoka shure mutarise kuti hapana here zvaakagumburwa neve mhuri mukutaura nemukuita, maybe someone crossed his path and this was just swept under the carpet. Makuhwa ndiwo mamwe anosvitsa vanhu pakuvengana imi musina kumboita confrontation. Secondly, if you are so concerned about his right about turn makaitei nazvo in terms of kugadzirisana semhuri? Did anyone of you ask why he was behaving like that?

What makes you so sure that it is about his wife nekuti akadyiswa? Imi kana musina chikechekeche naye munenge muri pai pamunoona achingowadzana nehama dzemukadzi wake chete? Kana muri kudziona kumba kwake zvinoreva kuti imiwo munoendawo kumba kwake or wherever.

You did not explain why you are referring to your sister-in-law as a crazy woman, what did she do or what has she done? Ukanyora uchitsanangura zvose izvi kubatsirana neni kunoita nyore. Ini sachipanga mazano ndinopenengura izvi zvose. Zvinosuwisa kuti dzimwe nguva tinounza ruvengo mumhuri nenyaya yeblame game tichiita gundamusaira (mob psychology) apa tisina kana zivo yekuti zvakatanga sei. Who is keeping the Chihota trips record and how accurate is it? Zvandibata moyo kuti kana zvaoma anobatsira vabereki nemari so it’s not as bad as your letter portrays.

Handishore zvamunodaira asi nyaya yekuenda kun’anga mumwe asingazive mozoda kumuisira mushonga wekumurutsisa I think that is extremely wrong. Ko zvikasafamba zvakanaka?

Ko akaita react kumushonga wacho akarwara kana kufa munozozvitaura here imi? You need each other, you are family why don’t you call for a meeting modaidza vabereki, your brother and spouse and try to iron this out amicably.

Zvekunzi pane tunyaya twe jealous and so forth aah dismiss that as cheap gossip unless pane anomira achiti akazviudzwa. For the good of the family tauriranai and start on a clean slate. – Good luck.

My husband looks down upon me

Mai Chisamba thank you for your platform. I am a 24-year-old woman and did my A-Levels at a mission school in Zimbabwe. Please help me because I think ndakavhiringa hupenyu hwangu.

I fell in love with a guy who I thought loved me enough to be his life partner ndakamutizira ndisina pamuviri, this did not go down well with his parents from the word go. I tried to go back home after a few weeks vana tete vakaudza baba vangu kuti hatidi mahumbwe pano so I’m stuck with this guy, ndatove nemwana mukomana.

His younger brother got married ini ndatovepo, mukadzi wake anodiwa nemunhu wese as the official muroora. My husband still dates other women, ndikabvunza anoti haana kuroora saka haadi kubvunzwa. They don’t include me in family functions, ndotonzwa zvinenge zvichiitika nasisi the maid.

Ma in-laws angu akati they don’t recognise me at all, kana ndichida sadza and accommodation that’s all they can provide for the sake of my child. Can you imagine?

Murume wangu izita chete anotondidadira, imwe nguva akandivhunza kuti ndingada here kuita matron of honour pamuchato wake ne would-be spouse yake? I feel so lonely, so used and so hopeless. Ndoita sei, Mai Chisamba?

RESPONSE

Thank you for writing in, I felt so sorry for you and almost cried. My first question is what are you doing there? Why did you elope? Munorwadzisa vabereki kani, A-level inotiza mukumbo this day and age, why? Why? Pane tsumo inoti mandikurumidza akazvara mandinonoka. Yes you are right, you messed up your life and you now have a baby to bring up.

Hapana ari kukudadira, they are simply knocking sense into your head, you need to be reminded that you are not married and the guy has no future plans for you. To that family you are just as good as a stranger no wonder why they don’t involve you in their family functions.

Kumba kwenyu kune sadza nepekugara, why don’t you quit and keep your pride? I don’t understand why you continue to hurt your feelings by calling this guy your husband, for now he is not, get that loud and clear.

Ukaramba uripo uchabva wane vamwe vanazve and mind you ava vana vanenge vachizvarwa pabonde risina rudo sezvawakaita dangwe rako.

My advice is talk to vana tete and tell them you seriously want to go back home and apologise to your parents and family. Ukaona zvisiri kufamba tsvaga kana sahwira wemhuri akusvitse kumba.

I know your parents although vakatsamwa nezvawakaita vanokuregerera vokupa mukana wekutanga patsva. Go back home and experience true love.

Don’t feel hopeless, you are an intelligent girl who did her A-Levels, there is so much potential in you. Your next communication to me should be “ndave kumba ndirikuronga chikoro chepamusoro neupenyu”. – Good Luck, my girl.

Lack of own accommodation costly

Thank you so much for such a good column. I should have written to you a few weeks ago but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to or not. Maybe I needed time to gather my courage.

My in-laws are both pensioners and they have gone to stay at the rural home. Murume wangu ndiye mukuru so the Harare house was left in my husband’s care. In short, we stay there, we don’t pay rent, we just take care of our utility bills and the general maintenance, we are both ok with this arrangement.

Dambudziko masiblings emurume wangu vanongounza vana pamba apa like paboarding school, as we speak pane three kids dzemasisters ake, all school-going age. We have two children of our own but we are running a home ine vana vashanu, kana ndimiwo?

Chinorwadza ndechekuti zvinonzi vari kumba kwaana baba they don’t contribute anything. Chanetsa, Mai Chisamba, zvava kutiremera and at times we feel as if we are short changing our kids.

We can’t spoil them because of this big family we have. Zvakaipa here if I convince my husband kuti titsvage yedu imba ava vorongawo zvevana vavo, ini handichada hangu? I know very soon this will affect our marriage.

Response

Thank you for writing in, first and foremost let me say you cannot permanently run away from problems, the best way is to take the bull by its horns and solve them.

I know these days the extended family is almost non-existent because of our lifestyles but before you consider looking for your own place please weigh your options first.

Kuroja hakusi nyore, mari yamunonobisa ikoko haifanane here nekuchengeta vana ava? Kutaura kwako shows kuti the other three kids were imposed on you, which to me is very unfair but instead of looking for alternative accommodation I suggest you sit down navana tete vabatsire kuchengeta vana vavo.

Every parent is duty bound to look after their children saka munenge musina kutadza kuyeuchidzana izvi. Fungaiwo vatezvara vakakusiirai musha netrust kuti vanoti kudii.

I don’t want this to affect your marriage that’s why I am saying talk it over and let them know you are struggling to make ends meet, pamwe vari kutokubhigai kuti munozvigona imi muchichema senjiri. Tauriranai murudo, muukama nemuremekedzo, zvese zvinoita. – Good luck.