Macheso’s small gun not a problem

Kadora and cimbi were trending words on social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter since revelations of the supposed size of sungura maestro Alick Macheso’s manhood by his estranged second wife Tafadzwa. Revelations that Tafadzwa often complained to Macheso that he was failing to sexually satisfy her because of his supposedly small manhood is neither here nor there. It’s not about the size, Tafadzwa, it is about how the pistol/shotgun/machine gun is used. Satisfaction does not come from the size but from how the tool is used, take it from me.
There is this misconception amongst both men and women about the role of size in sexual satisfaction.

Most men and women assume that the bigger the weapon, the more total destruction one is guaranteed, but experience has shown me this is far from the truth. A guy can have the biggest machine gun under the sun, but have no clue on how to use it to satisfy a woman and yet someone with a dora/cimbi/pistol would unleash a total annihilation of the enemy!

Someone needs to disabuse Tafadzwa of the notion that a bigger manhood equates sexual satisfaction. It is a host of factors ranging from the mood of both players, the stadium where the match is played, how comfortable both partners are with their sexuality and a lot others details that I will spare you.

As for Macheso, Tafadzwa’s claims that he failed to satisfy her sexually does not mean he is not the father of the children. He released his seed into her and that is how babies are made, whether or not the participants are satisfied is immaterial. It is impossible to know for certain if Macheso is indeed not so well-endowed. This could very well be just sour grapes and an attempt to embarrass him. Tafadzwa is certainly capable of such malice.

Some have argued that the revelation was a blow below the belt with others accusing Tafadzwa of having sunk too low, to which I do not agree. She is already a low life. Forgive the judgment.

The reaction from most men has been condemnation on how Tafadzwa could divulge such details. From conversations with colleagues, Tafadzwa’s revelations of Macheso’s allegedly not-so-impressive size is the equivalent of burying him alive. “If you want to kill a man literally, my sister, just publicly discuss the size of his manhood and cast a shadow on his sexual performance,” was the chorus from the men I had conversations with.

The almost fanatical condemnation of Tafadzwa forced a sister to hazard a thought . . .  could this hostility from these men not also be linked to their lack of endowment?

“This hostility clearly points to more doras/cimbis amongst our menfolk,” she quipped. Weighed in my colleague from our office, “Sistren, Ngugi wa Thiong’o says: ‘Every man brags about his manhood no matter how tiny it is’.”

I hold no brief for Macheso’s dora/cimbi. I just have this strong urge and moral obligation to defend men with such a condition, having spent almost a decade in the service of one such species!

I hope the guy will forgive me for sharing what he probably thought were private experiences with readers.
Towering almost two metres, my first impression when I first met this guy who became one of the most special men in my life was “wow” as I automatically began imagining and equating his physical height with his endowment.

So I could be forgiven for the shock I had when I finally came face to face with the family jewels. Kadora/cimbi –  the edible worm was the best description I could think of. And the guy appeared unfazed by my shock . . . I could not feign not to be! Chirema chine zano! Just as we were beginning to enjoy the starters, the gentleman swooped on me and before I knew it things were heating up.

I battled to have a feel of the beast that I was wrestling with but I had no chance.
As I struggled for my breath, the small jewels were being thrust with such verve that . . . (details withheld).
After almost a decade, I still can testify that he was the most skilful man hunting with such a tiny pistol who managed to inflict serious damage!
Since then I have become convinced that even small guns can kill.

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  • TINDO

    MR MACHESO MUST LEARN MORE ON ROMANCE, GIRLS NEEDS MORE ROMANCE BEFORE YOU POINT YOUR MACHINE GUN ,NO MATTER HOW SMALL IT IS !!!. .. THE WOMAN WILL BE SATISFIED IF PROPERLY ROMANCED.

  • kana zvadai

    Such has become of our beloved nation. Half baked souless scribes glorifying immorality. shame on you

  • gabriel tandi

    our young musicians only produce songs about sex and chihure which spirit is leading them and controlling our airwaves

    • julele

      TAFADWARIAN spirit.

  • Harare

    i think writer has got a small one kikikiki…kikikiki…kikikiiki

    • bodo_kwete

      musamudaro kani…inga mumwe wenyi wani?? lol!!

    • Jotham

      Mukurambana muna matukano- one day you will be surprised that Macheso is to Tafadzwa. That is how life is.

  • Masimba Musodza

    Look, if Tafadzwa likes it bigger than Mr Macheso’s, why is that such an issue that you had to write a whole article? Surely she has a right to preference?

  • bodo_kwete

    kusanyara varume vakuru.