The Sunday Mail
Tendai Mbirimi
This one is an epistle to our beloved brides and grooms. It cannot in any way be equated to the biblical epistles of Paul or John; just a missive to demystify youthful myths which glorify marriage as a box full of things longed for during childhood or an earthly paradise of perpetual bliss. As they grow, girls in particular are swathed in a mirage that makes them believe in fairytale weddings.
The truth is that marriage starts with an empty box which you must put something into before you can get anything out. You reap what you sow, period!
Never expect a good harvest when you neither sowed nor watered the seeds. There is no love in marriage. Love is in people. It is people in a relationship who have the mandate of investing love for them to experience a blissful matrimonial journey.
You need to infuse romance for the marriage to be romantic. There are no riches in marriage. You must work for your wealth. If you happen to be enjoying riches you never worked for, know that one day you will pay for it in one way or the other.
As a couple you must learn the habit of giving, loving, serving and praising, thereby keeping the marriage box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.
Marriage flourishes when couples work together. It is even more blissful when husband and wife both decide that winning together is more important than counting individual scores. Good marriages do not just happen. They are the product of hard work.
The people you surround yourself with have a lot of influence on your marriage. Friends and colleagues can build or break your marriage, therefore choose wisely.
One spouse can not fill the marriage box alone while the other spouse only enjoys what is in it. Each part has to contribute twice as much whatever he or she expects to enjoy.
If you value love more than anything else, make sure your love doubles that of your spouse; if you value honesty, it is you who should frank and open first in all your dealings. If you value money, make sure your contribution is greater than that of your partner. Why would you expect your partner to contribute what you do not want to contribute?
Do not mistake your spouse’s loyalty for desperation or taking advantage of his or her meekness and goodness, you may end up regretting after losing someone that meant so much to you.
Always remember that the connection between your spouse and his/her parents is deep. Therefore, be extremely cautious when dealing with issues to do with his/her kith and kin.
As I said, these opinions are not cast in stone, but a mere epistle by a roadside observer.
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