The Sunday Mail
Help me please imba yangu isati yaparara. I love my husband so much but ndaingotyawo kuti angaitewo sevamwe varume vanonetsa. Ambuya vangu, mukadzi wasekuru, hanzvadzi yaamai gave me this tip kuti if I peed in his tea everyday aisazombondinetsa murume wangu. For sure my husband munhu akanyarara, he values my opinion when making decisions. Ndikati uku usaenda anonditeerera. Ndakatukana nambuya vangu over money that she owes me yavasisadi kundipa, now ambuya vangu is threatening to tell him kuti ndaimunwisa weti all this time. Akangozviziva I don’t think he will ever forgive me, kana kuti ndofanotaura hangu ndega? Kuti ndichirega kumunwisa ndotya futi. Ndibetsereiwo. — Mavis, Kwekwe.
Response
Nhai Mavis uri kurarama munyika ipi yaunobvuma kuti mushonga ndiyo inogadzira rudo. Urikundiudza kuti unopa murume wako tea ine weti kuti asanetse, shame on you, inzwi chairo nderekuti uri kuita mabasa ehuroyi. Unombofungawo here zvehutsanana kana utano kana uchiita izvi. Saka uri kuti kunyarara kwake nekuteerera kutsitswa neweti? Ko zvaakambokuda akakuroora anga amwa chiiko? Vakuru vanoti zano unopangwa une rako. Mbuya ava vanoda kuparadza imba yako, chenjera. Kunyange ukaudza murume wako zvinomudya moyo nekuti anofunga kuti wamudyisa zvingani kusvika zvino. Zvakaoma chose asi zviri nane kureurura wega. Chinouya chinowana iwe. Iye zvino ukarega kutaura hauwane mufaro unongogara uchitya kuti pada audzwa (blackmail) pada anyumwa. Hana ine mhosva haina zororo kana wataura chisiyana nambuya ava. Ukangobvuma zvese zvese uchauraya murume wanyeperwa kuti mupfuhwira. Rudo rwatinarwo takapiwa naMwari, grow up Mavis.
Children grown up, I now need a partner
I am a single mother of two, and will be turning 46 this June. I separated from the father of my children when the younger was three. Now he is at university, the elder is 27.
After their father and I parted ways I put my all into raising and providing for them. I put my love life on hold. Now that they are grown up I feel lonely, I now need a partner but I don’t know how my children will react. I feel embarrassed by this need. Will they not hate me? How do I start to explain to them about my loneliness? — Melinda, Harare.
Response
Well done, Melinda, for bringing up your children on your own, aiwa ndinoti, “sando dzako munhukadzi”. Munhu munhu, ichokwadi kuti wakunzwa moyo wekuda kuwana wekutandadzana naye. Vana vano kurukurika navo zvino nekuti vakura vachiona kuzvibata kwamanga makaita nguva yese iyi. Chandinoona sechinganetse mumararamiro edu sevanhu vatema munhu anonzi partner pachirungu haanyatso cherechedzwa zvine chiremerera anongotorwa sechikomba.
Kunyange mukaita mwana anenge ari wako nekuti tsumo yedu inoti gomba harina mwana, vekwakowo havamuverengi nekuti anenge asina kubvisa pfuma. Izvi zvinoda kuti udzamise pfungwa nekuti zvinouya nema sacrifices anogona kurwadza pada mukushanda kwawakaita wakazviunganidzira pfuma yako neye vana.
Ukawanikwa zvinenge zvotoda kuziva nezve wanano yaurikupinda. The whole thing is not about your children, they are no longer kids, they are majors. The point at issue is iwe sedungamunhu unotora sarudzo ipi?
My sexual demands too big for wife
Mai Chisamba makadii zvenyu. Ini zvangu ndine mudzimai wangu akanaka, tine mwana one. I can safely say we are happy together . . . but for the past six months my wife has been complaining that she can’t cope with my sexual needs.
True, I now need and demand more sexually pleasure from her, two or three times a day even.
Handizive what has triggered this sudden rise in demand.
Could I be addicted to sex? Neculture yedu iyi mukadzi wangu won’t believe me.
Ndanga ndafunga hangu kungopota ndichitsvaga vaye vanobhadharisa ndirege kushusha my dear wife because these days takutsamwidzana nenyaya iyoyi. — Charles, Karoi.
Response
How can you say my dear wife and yet pasi pemoyo uri kutofunga kuti dai ndambowana pfambi. Pane chitendero chikuru kwazvo chinoti afunga neaita vapara mhosva yakafanana. Remember you are married and you should never cheat on your spouse.
Iwe waakuda kuti zvitaridzike sezvine chikonzero chakanaka chekuti pfambi inenge ichitobatsira mudzimai wako. Bonde rinoyera haritakuriranwe kunyange zvodini. Kuona kwangu ndekwekuti iwe ndiwe unotofanira kusunga dzisimbe. Vana mai mumashure mekuzvara nekumhanya mhanya nemabasa nhomba yebonde inodzikira.
Apa ndipo panoda kuti baba vaite hunyanzvi pakuvaraidza (romance) mai kuti vasvike pachikero chababa. Munhu anodiwa nekuwanirwa nguva yekuvaraidzwa zvakakwana haacheme nenyaya idzi.
Bonde harisi rekuverenga kuti raitwa kangani haisi relay yekumhanya kuground. Zviri nani kuita less times asi richiwanirwa nguva yakakwana, hwejongwe kwete. Mukupera, mazuva ano kune hurwere hweshura matongo nezvimwewo saka zingizi gonyerea pamwe maruva enyika hauapedze. Imboedza zano iri uzondinyorerazve.
Hubby too lazy to work
I met and fell in love with my husband in 2010. He worked as a bank teller. I have a table kuflea market where I sell clothes. When he paid lobola for me in 2011, he asked for my help financially. Anga aine $1 500 and I matched the amount sezvo ndaisada kunonyara pamberi pehama dzangu. Everything went well, I never demanded that money back.
A year into our marriage he got laid off kubasa, since then I have been doing everything ndega. Mai Chisamba, he is so lazy.
He doesn’t seem to be seriously looking for a job, kana kuva bothered by the fact that I’m “keeping” him.
I have been secretly taking contraception ndichingoti when he gets a job then we can start our family. I feel used by this man, he is too comfortable with this situation.
How do I get him to do something? — Moreblessing, Chitungwiza
Response
People should stop commercialising lobola, why did you top up the amount? Wati wakanyara kuti mari ishoma, chinokosha chirango chekuti mari iyi yauya kuzoroora zve kusunganidza ukama.
Vemhuri ngavatsvage zvingavapfumisa kwete kudhurisa paroora. Saka pakuendesa mari yakati wandei ndiweka wainyengedza vabereki vako zvino unoibvunza sei mari iyi?
Kunyange zvikadini murume haapiwe mari yekuti akuroore unofumo zvidemba.
Taking contraceptives secretly in a marriage is wrong, wanano haidi tuma tricks tricks.
Why don’t you openly talk about it inga mune chikonzero chenyu chakanaka wani.
Batsiranai basa kuFlea market kudzamara awana rake chairo raakadzidzira.
Mukuona kwangu iwe unofanira kuita munhu akavimbika zvinozo kunetsa izvi.
Pekutanga wakavhara vemhuri nekuisawo yako mari pakuroorwa, piri waakuita family planning muchivande saka ini ndinoziva sei kuti zvauri kundiudza mutsamba yako ndezvechokwadi.
Church women want the pastor my husband
Makadii Mai Chisamba? Ini ndiri mai mufundisi weimwe kerereke muGweru. Ndanetseka nemadzimai abiya angu mufunge vano actira mufundisi, murume wangu vachirakidza kuti vanomuda. Handichaziva kuti miedzo here kana madhimoni apinda church. Vamwe vanototsvagiridza twurwere netwuma emergency kuti mufundisi vavaone.
Hadzisi nguva dzose dzandinokwanisa kuperekedza murume wangu. Mufundisi ndovimba navo asi ndakutya kuti pane zvichazoitikawo, munhu wechirumewo. Takamboita maprayers tichinamatira mweya iyoyi kasi ndakusvika pakuda kuunganidza vakadzi vese vechurch ndivaudze kuti vasiyane nezvavarikuita. — Mai Mufundisi, Gweru.
Response
Amai hamusi kumirira chitendero nerudairo rwenyu rwekunamata muchokwadi. Hamuna kundijekesera kuti vana amai vari kuratidza kuda murume wenyu vari kuactor sei zvinobva zvaratidza kuti haa apa mufundisi vadiwa.
Hongu mufundisi kana vakapinda basa iri vasina zodzo yaMwari vangaite sekutaura kwenyu. Hofisi yababa ipublic office vanobata nevanhu vakasiyana siyana. Ini ndinokumbirisisa kuti musatange madenhana navana mai musina humboo hunobatika nekuti munosungwa nedefamation. You are contradicting yourself amai murikuti mufundisi munovimba navo saka nyaya yenyu iri pakutii? Zvamuri kutaura nezvamuri kufunga zviri kupesana. Handigone kuramba kuti vana mai varikuedza kurezva baba asi kana zvadai zvoreva kuti sangano iri rabva pachinangwa charo.
Asi ivo mufundisi ava vanomborarama sei zvekuti vanhu vanotonyepera kurwara kuti vavaone? Kurudziro ndeyekuti imi ivai munhu anogutsikana nezvaari. Baba kana vakakudai mukaroorana aiwa murume wenyu wetsvimbo mirai makachama. Ko maakuzovhundutswa neiko? There is power in prayer mukanata muzvokwadi zvose izvi zvinokurirwa.
I did not pay lobola, no longer interested
Mai Chisamba, my story goes like this. I impregnated my current wife ari Form 3 akanditizira. We have been staying together for three years now, handina kana kumboendesa tsvakirai kuno kana chii kumba kwavo asi tinotofambidzana nema in-laws angu.
I feel like she forced herself into my life. Ndaimuda hongu asi ndanga ndisati ndasvika pakuti uyu ndiye achava mukadzi wangu. I always tell her this fact kuti takaita zviri unplanned and nguva dzose anotanga kuchema, goes for days asingadyi achitaura zvekuzviuraya until ndasiyana nazvo and I try to act like everything is fine. I’m now tired of her suicidal threats, chokwadi ndechekungoti handimudi, akangouyawo. Kuti ndiudze hama dzake ndoona sekunge zvisingaiti since we never formalised our union. Chandisirikuda kuzonzi rufu rwake ruri mumaoko angu. Ndozvifambisa seiwo? — Marvellous, Banket.
Response
Why do you continue to waste her time? Three years is a very long time. You don’t have a wife because you did not pay lobola for her and what do you mean by referring to her as my current wife? Waimbomuda saka zvakazodii? Zvese zvamuri kuita you and your so-called in-laws zvakashata. You are misleading this innocent girl. Madzitezvara vanofambidzana newe pakutiiko? Vanokara vanenzara yemari yavanofunga kuti uchavapa. Kukutizira ndiko kuri unplanned ko kudzidzira hubaba hwako paari unoti chii? Wanditsamwisa kwazvo. Kurudziro yangu ndeyekuti rega musikana uyu adzokere kuchikoro murawu unotendedza. Iye ngaagutsikane kuti kana munhu ati haadi ndizvozvo wanano haimanikidzirwe inozotisvitsa panataisireva. Taura nemadzitete nemadzimbuya ake mwana uyu adzokere kumusha kwake.
Asi iwe unofanira kuchengeta mwana wako zviri pamutemo.
Ndiri kuona kuti dambudziko rako nderekutya kufirwa chete hausi kubatikana neramangwana remusikana uyu kana nemwana chaiye.
Vehukama hwake ngavakurukure naye panyaya yekuda kuzviuraya haina kunaka.
Munhu akapunzika haarambe akarara anosimuka ozunza ivhu. Please take her back as soon as you finish reading my letter.
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