‘I no longer love my husband’

04 May, 2014 - 00:05 0 Views

The Sunday Mail

Murume uyu handichamude
Pamusoroi Mai Chisamba nedare reSunday Mail rinoremekedzwa. I was living in England with my husband since 1998. A few years after we arrived he suddenly changed and started cheating on me with a woman from AFM. I persevered semunhu aidawo kuchengetedza imba yake. We have three kids together.

The relationship became very abusive although he never physically hit me because mapurisa domestic violence havajaidze. But he would talk to another woman on the phone ndirimo. He would insult me and say I was fat. I tolerated all this.

Sometime in 2005 he dumped his AFM woman and started dating kamwe kamwana, kamuZimbabwean, tupfambi twemuLondon and he decided to leave the house.

I tried his relatives, but they could not help me and were actually taking his side, masisters ake especially.
Things got very tough for me with three young kids and I decided to leave England and come back muna 2006. I had just 4 000 pandakasvika muna 2007 and went to live with my brother. As fortune would have it I discovered dzekuburner mari idzi and started using my contacts to make money ndichichinja mari. I bought a house in four months, believe it or not.

Now I drive a nice car and I have a number of properties in Harare and I am sending my kids to good schools.
In January my ex-husband was involved in an accident akaremara from the waist down. Kagirlfriend kakamutiza. He then came back to Zimbabwe and went to live with his relatives, but vakamutadzawo. Three weeks ago ndakasvika pamba ndichiwona aripo nehama dzake zvichinzi tauya nemurume wako haungamurambe nekuti chava chirema. They left him at my house.

I had not managed to divorce him and he is now threatening to take half of everything I have if I do not let him back into my life. Ndoita sei? I don’t want to share my hard work with this evil man. What is worse is my kids seem to be happy to see him and they are getting along when he abandoned them. I am so miserable I don’t know what to do. Please help. — Honest Lady, Harare

RESPONSE
Tsamba yako yandisiririsa zvikuru, muwanano nemumhuri ndimo munofanira kuve noupenyu nomufaro. Ikoko kwamaive kuLondon wakaregerera chivi chichikomba ungadai wakanomumhangarira kumapurisa kana kucourt because verbal abuse is equally as bad as beating someone up. Nemuchato wako waigona kusungisa vaiita chipfambi nemurume wako, apa ungadai wakadzivirira zvakawanda. Honest lady, ndirikuona kuti uri kunyatsopatsanura mhando dzepfambi dzacho kuti umwe ndewe kuAFM kamwe kamuZimbabwean, aiwaka, pfambi ipfambi, hakuna mhenyu. Ndinoda kukuremekedza nekuramba uine vana vako mukuomerwa neupenyu zve nekuzofunga kudzoka kumusha nekuti home is best.

Hona hanzvadzi yako yakasvikokukutambira. Wakasvika ukapinda mubhindauko ukaita mari yakawanda asi maiitiro aya haatendedzwi nemurawo pada waisazviziva. Ndine hurombo netsaona nekukuvara kwemurume wako, ndinoziva kuti izvozvi unehasha and you don’t understand why his people brought him to your house. The law is very stubborn, my friend, unfortunately he remains your husband as long as you do not have a divorce letter. Hama dzake dziri kutogonda nechitsidzo chemuchato chekuti for better or worse. Imi hamuna kurambana zviri pamutemo saka pfuma kana urombo ndezvenyu muri vaviri. Vana havana mhosva, usavatsamwire kana vachifarira baba vavo, mubereki mubereki zvinogara zvakadaro hazvina sarudzo. Usazvidye moyo munotofanira kurambana zviri pamutemo kana kuregererana moenda mberi. Kuridziro yangu ndeyekuti imboonawo magweta anobatsira vanhukadzi to mention but a few vanhu veWILSA kana kuZWALA. Good luck.

My wife is fat
Makadii henyu Mai Chisamba. Mudzimai wangu arikungofuta achienderera. When I married her kanga kari kambama but mazuva ano yatova mbuya. We have six kids and are happily married but pafuta apa handisi kufara napo. — Concerned Husband, Ruwa

RESPONSE
Uri murume akanaka anotsvaka zano rekuti wake mukadzi angatarisike zvakanaka sei. Chekutanga ndoda kuti uzive kuti mukupindana kwemazuva zvakawanda zvinogona kusanduka pamunhu, vamwe vanosimba, hatiti kufuta nekuti kutsvinya, vamwe vanogona kuita mhanza, vamwe vanoita dumbu vamwe vanogona kuita mavende nezvimwewo zvakadaro, asi anoramba ari wako chete.

Vakadzi vakawanda mumashure mekuzvara vana vakati kuti vanogona kusimba, fara hako mazuva ano kune humizha (technology) yakawanda. She can go for exercises and opt for healthy eating muchibatsirana nadietician. Kurudzira mudiwa wako usingamutsvinyire. Ko iwe uchiri kambamawo here? Good luck.

Advise my dirty husband
Murume wangu uchapa chaihwo Mai Chisamba. Mukanwa munonhuwa, hapwa handingataure. Kumuti ko, ‘‘nhai mudiwa, wadii wamboshambidzika?’’, zvinongoteererwa mazuva maviri chete. Ndinosema ini. I have tried to get him all the perfumes I can afford, but it seems it is in him. This is worse kana abva kubhawa. Ndoita sei nhai Mai? — Mavis.

RESPONSE
Murume wako murume wako, chakanaka ndechekutogadzirisa kudzamara zvanaka. Anoda kubatsirwa nekupikitwa kuona kuti ari kuzviita here. Akageza mukanwa momuisira tumvura tunodziya tune munyu twokukuchukudza mukananwa tunouraya hutachiwana. Mutsika nemagariro tinoshandisa tumvura tune soda kuti varege kunhuhwa hudzi kana dikita (stale sweat) muhapwa. Murume haasemwe nekuti murinyama imwe chete, perfume haigeze munhu inotongobatsiridza. Kurudziro ndeyokuti yedzai kugeza pamwe chete nguva nemisi kuti muone kuti zvese izvi vakuzviita here.

Beer drinking husband
Mai Chisamba, ndatambura nemurume wangu, akaenda kubasa on Friday morning, ndotozomuona kumba Sunday manheru. Every weekend it is the same excuse, “Hanzi, I will be out with my friends”. Funny enough, when I phone him he picks my calls all the time that he would be out. Ishamwari rudzii dzinoita kuti munhu atadze kuuya kumba for the whole weekend? I also have a right kuita izvozvo but anozozvigamuchira here? Ndibatsireiwo. — Mukadzi Chaiye, Harare

RESPONSE
Paying for sin in the same coin does not help. Musashore shamwari dzemurume wenyu munhu anotopangwa zano aine rake. Murume wenyu ari kuratidza tsika dzehunzenza, anoda kubatsirwa. Imi nemhuri edzai kuita zvinomukwezva kumba paweekend sekutandadzana murudo, kunwa doro ravo pamba uye muchifambawo semhuri muchishanyira hama neshamwari nekuona nzvimbo dzinoyevedza (places of interest). Semunhu akaroorwa imboitawo wongororo muone kuti vanenge vari kudoro zveshuwa here. Last but not least, do you have time for each other?

I need a good man
I am a 27-year-old woman, God-fearing, church-going, decent job, etc. problem yangu ndeye kusabata mukomana akavimbika. Every time I think I have made it in a relationship, I find myself ndarasiswa. Is this to say hakusisina vakomana chaivo munyika muno? I have tried everything, kuchurch chaiko ndinoendawo kunotsvaka, but nothing. Ndoita sei? Ndoenda kubhawa kunotsvaga angandiroore? — Bee.

RESPONSE
Kuchurch, ndanga ndichifungira kuti ndekwekunoshumira, musashandise sangano senzvimbo yekuredza varume.  Take it easy, don’t be in a hurry. Murume akanaka anowanikwa nenguva yakakodzera. Kana muchipinda murelationship, pindai murelationship yerudo nokunzwanana (companionship) this type of relationship will blossom into marriage. Zviri kuita sezvisiri kufamba nekuti murikuda kutsvaga anokurorai, tangai nekutsvaga anokudai nekukuremekedzai. Rambai makadzikama sekutaura kwamaita muchawanawo zvakadzikama.

Wife can’t cook
Mukadzi wangu is a disaster when it comes to cooking, tsito dzega-dzega every meal time. She does not go to work, which gives her enough time to cook, but I dread each meal time. At times I invite her sister over so that we enjoy good meals as the sister is a better cook.
My complaints seem to be falling on deaf ears. I think you can help me. — George, Harare

RESPONSE
Kudzidza hakuperi, kana mudzimai wenyu asingagone kubika, musamupe zita remadunhurirwa rekuti Disaster. Kune zvikoro zvakawanda zvinodzidzisa vanhu kubika. Mati mainini vanogona kubika, ko havangadzidzisewo mukoma here? Nyaya yekusaenda kubasa hainei nekubika, apa izivo yavasina, kwete nguva. Kurudziro ndeyekuti vapindewo maclub emadzimai anobika nekuita a passion for cooking. Continue to love your wife and encourage her to do better.

Ndakatorerwa murume
Mai Chisamba, ndine dambudziko nemurume wangu akatiza mumba kunogara nemuXhosa. Vava negore vari vose. I have tried praying and fasting, but he is not coming back. Ndakutofungawo zvemushonga kana maporofita. Hamunawo n’anga yamunoziva here? Thanks. — Patricia, Joni

RESPONSE
Rudo chairwo harubve kun’anga, kumaporofita kana kumushonga, runobva kuna Mwari nemiwo muchiremekedzana nekudanana. Kudairwa kwemunamato hakuna nguva, pray without ceasing.

Murikutaura nguva muchiti murume akaenda kwegore, rambai muchinamata serudairo rwenyu. Kana muine muchato wemutemo munokwanisa kuenda kunomhangara kucourt moyananiswa. Ndine hurombo handina n’anga yandinoziva, chandinoziva ndechekuti mukadanana zvechokwadi hamuparadzanisike. Musarase mbereko nekufirwa.

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