Husband is immature

MAI CHISAMBA, thank you so much for this platform. I am 28 years old and my husband is 30.

We have been married for four years. My problem is my husband lacks maturity. He behaves like a high school kid. His behaviour, his dressing and the company he keeps is very undesirable.

We are both professionals and gainfully employed. He is very excited about going to night clubs, gochi-gochi places, driving around with a cooler box full of booze, energy drinks and mineral water. He enjoys loud music, the noise in his car is like mota yeku road show.

I have tried to reason with him but it is a waste of time. He enjoys being hero worshipped, most of his useless friends do not have cars and they all come to him for a ride. His nickname is “vahombe” but truly speaking he is not that, we have a two-year-old son anotosuwawo baba vake.

He gets a lot of phone calls from some of his friend’s wives complaining that he keeps their men from their homes. The reason that has really pushed me to write to you is I feel like walking out on this guy.

A friend of his bought beer at a club on account and promised to pay but he did not. My husband was the guarantor and they are threatening to take our fridge or television set if this is not settled.

This is killing me amai, can you imagine? I know he will settle the bill for him. Because of my husband’s binge drinking we are struggling to do what we should. He is wasting money and our resources.

Kubasa munhu anobata mafinances of his company now I am scared that he will be tempted to steal. I am fed up I cannot stand this. Should I talk to his friends or simply chase them away when they come to my house?

I am tired of them they are putting us off budget. They eat and drink as if there is no tomorrow.

Response
Thank you for writing in. At times I wonder why people ever get married. His behaviour tells it all he rushed into this marriage when he was not ready to settle down.

You are right he behaves like an adolescent. You sound like the bigger person and you are quite focused. From what you say I think your hubby lacked exposure growing up to these things that now fascinate him as a grown man.

It seems there is a stage he missed, it could be that his parents or guardians were too strict and did not give him a chance to explore these things. Zvaari kumhanya nazvo izvo hazvisi zve a 30-year-old but teenagers.

He needs a bit of growing up, he is a father and hubby and this comes with a lot of responsibilities. Yes, it is good to have fun with family and friends here and there but not to make it a way of life.

Some of these nicknames can be very misleading and once it gets to the head a problem develops. “Vahombe” is quite the title and now he is now trying to live up to his nickname.

This is the time he should be spending with his family, enjoying, planning and investing for the future. Do not walk out on him he needs help and his problem can be solved.

You have been married for just four years. Have you forgotten your “for better or for worse” vow already? He needs to go through the mill with a professional counsellor who will help him see sense.

It is good if you do this together so that you support him on his journey to become a more responsible person. Zvimwe izvo idemon rechibharanzi rinobiswa am shocked that people still go around drinking beer and putting it on their monthly bar tab.

Aah zvakasara izvo! Nobody has a right to come and take property from your home against your will. Report them to the enforcement agents it is a criminal offence.

Please do not sink low by picking quarrels with his friends, you deal with your spouse. It is “Vahombe” who is allowing all this nonsense. If you work with a counsellor all this will be history.

The fact that you have written for advice shows you still care for him. Do not waste too much time on this, life is too short. Enjoy your marriage and your baby. Always remember to pray for your family. I wish you all the best.

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  • sinoz

    saka kana waroora hauchafara here

  • brown

    you are too young to face what you are facing in marriage,
    its a difficult situation you are in. but do not walk out of your marriage because he is a boy when you want a man. im also quite sure that they were signs of his character before your marriage but you must have ignored those signs thinking it’ll all fade away as he grows… that was wrong. try to sit down with him and ask for tumari tusina basa like $100.00 or more kana achivhuma… also build a strong relationship with relatives vabereki vake kunyanya buy groceries uchiendesa ndiwe asingazvizive and never mention that tamboenda kwana mhamha vako, also never tell them what you are going through coz they are grown enough to see madness in their own child and they’ll talk to him vari ivo, forget his so called friends they are not friends they are vultures they’ll never leave as long as there is what they need around him. also talk to God he’ll give you direction.