The Sunday Mail
Apostle Langton Kanyati Matrimonial Hub
TO have a really happy marriage you need to work at it. A happy marriage therefore requires, trust, being attentive to one’s spouse, having fun together among other things as mentioned below.
Trust is the foundation of a happy marriage and it’s something you need to work at. It however, takes effort to built a happy and successful marriage. So, be determined not to flirt or get too close with members of the opposite sex. If you do, in the back of your mind, you could begin to view someone else as an alternative when your marriage goes through a rough patch.
Having an alternative will weaken your resolve to make your marriage work. Once there is mistrust in your marriage that marriage is not bound to last. That means, if there is anything that has destroyed your trust for each other you need to commit to deal with it and do all you can to restore that trust. At the same time it takes the offender (trust-breaker) to be sincerely repentant, and also commit not to repeat that which had destroyed trust again.
While on the other hand the offended partner need to forgive and try as hard as they can to embrace their spouse again. Listening to your spouse when he or she talks to you is a sign of respect. Mutual respect is vital for a happy marriage.
When you give your mate your undivided attention it shows that you respect them and value what they have to say. If your spouse talks to you when you’re in the middle of something important, explain that you want to hear what they have to say and suggest a time when you will be able to pay better attention. Paying attention to your other half will only show how much you respect them.
Without mutual respect it will be difficult for your marriage to work. Couples in a happy marriage do fun things together. They find things that they enjoy doing together and then make time to do them. Spending time together enjoying each other’s company will strengthen your marriage and add another meaningful dimension to your relationship. This though can only happen if couples see each other as best friends more than anybody else.
Don’t just be serious being busy doing other things ignoring your relationship. In happy relationships, spouses learn from their experiences. They figure out when to do, or not do, certain things. For example, if you find that you tend to be tense and cranky when you are hungry, minimise your conversation with your spouse during those times.
Similarly, if you see that your spouse gets worked up whenever you mention the name of a certain person, don’t mention that person’s name unless absolutely necessary. Your past experiences must teach you what irritates your partner. Be polite to your mate if you are to have a happy marriage. When speaking with your partner, use phrases like please and thank you. Being polite should not be viewed as a formality. It is a way that we honour our mate and it helps them to feel appreciated and respected.
Being courteous is like the oil that helps a happy marriage run smoothly and reduces unnecessary friction. If you can be polite to a stranger, then it should be even more important to be polite to your marriage mate. Remember, you spend most of your time with your partner and when they are not happy you will not enjoy being at home with them.
Strike the phrase “I told you so” from your vocabulary when talking to your partner. They already know that you told them so, why rub it in? Saying so only creates ill will between you and your spouse. We all mess up from time to time. And when we do having it rubbed in our face it doesn’t help.
A little support and encouragement will do a lot more toward building a happy marriage than taking a shot at your partner when they are already feeling bad. Sometimes it’s a decision that you were not in agreement with but the fact that your spouse did not see it failing, don’t label them as a failure. We all need to be encouraged when our plans or attempt at something fails knowing that if they had succeeded we were both going to be happy.
In a happy marriage, couples do not keep scores. Marriage is not a contest so don’t walk around with a watchful eye making sure your partner carries their share of the load. Instead, take the view that it doesn’t matter if you end up doing more than half of what needs to be done. Trying to make your relationship 50-50 proposition will cause a lot of unnecessary tension and you don’t need that.
A happy marriage demands that we each put 100 percent into the marriage and only that will work. So unless your spouse is a total slacker, recognise that in a happy marriage both partners try to help their mate carry the load. Always greet your partner with a smile. We all want to know that our mate is happy to see us.
Well, when they greet us with a smile it reassures us of that, and our smile does the same for them. It has the power to lift someone’s spirits and it sets the stage for a pleasant reunion after a long and perhaps difficult day. If you want a happy marriage, lead with your smile and let that be the first impression you make when you greet your mate. Your partner may have a bad day at work and the least thing they expect is an unhappy welcome at home.
Even if you know there are issues to discuss, putting on an unhappy face will shut off the other part before the discussion. A happy marriage should be built on open and honest communication. So couples in a happy marriage respect their spouses’ privacy. Don’t go through your partner’s possessions out of curiosity or in an effort to check up on them.
We all want our privacy to be respected and when someone violates that it feels offensive. Don’t let a sense of insecurity cause you to become overly suspicious of your mate.
On the other hand, being secretive can create suspicion. Hiding anything from your spouse unless it is a “surprise birthday” present will destroy their trust for you because one day the truth will come out.
A happy marriage should be built on open and honest communication. So, if there is something you need to know, ask, don’t snoop.
Enjoy your marriage.
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