How much abuse can we take?. . . Tete said I should be everything to my husband

19 Mar, 2017 - 00:03 0 Views
How much abuse can we take?. . . Tete said I should be everything to my husband Sunday Mail

The Sunday Mail

Tinashe Madamombe Women’s University in Africa
I fell face down and immediately covered my face as I took in the kicks in my stomach until I could taste a bit of blood in my mouth. ‘Good for nothing woman, this is not why I married you!’, that is all he said as he slammed the door and walked out.

I suddenly blacked out only to wake up after he had gone to work. As I stood up and started cleaning myself up I started to recall what my aunt (tete) had shared with me at my kitchen party just before I got married.

She used a metaphor that likened a woman to water. I was told that as I was getting married I had to be the water not only in the family I was getting married into but more to my husband.

Water represents life, hope, it is a basic need, we cannot live without it, and it is useful and is used in the cleaning, washing, bathing and cooking. But at this moment he had kicked all the life out of me.

I was being ‘disciplined’ for my failure to ensure that my husband had adequate water to bath and to have tea in the morning before he left for work. But how would he have known that I had not managed to walk to the borehole with the other women yesterday because I had severe period pain.

He only walked into the house after midnight and straight to bed. I was meant to be the water that he could not live without but clearly he was living.

At that moment I started to blame myself for not being the water that tete had explained to me. But as the water I was cleaning, doing the dishes, washing, bathing the children and cooking.

I had at least managed to remain useful in some regard as the water for my husband. My gender roles as a woman had already been defined to me even before I got married. I had already been put in my place, and I sat there and agreed.

I had allowed family, society and culture to define who I was and what I had to be. There was no room for discussion with my husband on division of labour in the house as he too had been brought up in a patriarchal set up that placed me as the unpaid domestic worker.

All my efforts and work at home goes unnoticed. I own no resources and have no income hence I cannot simply pay for water or pay someone to fetch it for me. Before he arrives back tonight, I have to make sure there is enough.

Health, nutrition and hygiene are still women’s responsibility. In Africa women and girls are primarily responsible for collecting and storing water both in a rural and now also in an urban set up. According to Hoddersen (2006) a shortage of fresh water tops the list of environmental dangers in the 21st century. Water sources are not always strategically placed or located close to villages and hence the strain of carrying water for long distances puts women at risk of back aches, headaches, body pains which in turn will lead to them not being able to perform well in other activities.

In some rural areas water sources are far away which also leave women and girls at risk of being raped, which is a reason women usually go to fetch water in groups so as to protect themselves.

The amount of time spent fetching water by girls also disrupts their time for education, playing and time for them to enjoy growing up (Obando, 2003).

Water issues pose the disadvantages for women and girls which reflect broader politics, power struggles, and patriarchal structures that oppress women.

Interesting facts

By 2025, all of Africa and the Middle East, as well as almost all of South and Central America and Asia, will either be running out of water or will be unable to afford it’s cost (IWMI, 2000).

According to the UNDP (2006) women in Africa collectively spend 200 million hours per day collecting water.

Women make up over half the 1.2 billion people who do not have access to water.

Less than three percent of the world’s water is fresh (drinkable), of which 2.5 percent is frozen in the Antarctica, Arctic and glaciers. Humanity must therefore rely on 0.5 percent for all man’s ecosystems and fresh water needs.

The UN Women theme for International Women’s Day 2017 focuses of “Women in this Changing World of Work: Planet 50-50 by 2030”.

World leaders adopted the Sustainable Development Goals in 2015 which place the empowerment of women and girls as the core of the agenda.

According to UN Women (www.unwomen.org ) measures that are key to measuring women’s economic empowerment in the changing world of work must include bridging the gender pay gap, which stands at 24 percent globally; recognising women’s unpaid care and domestic work, and addressing the gender deficit in care work; as well as addressing the gender gaps in leadership, entrepreneurship, and access to social protection; and ensuring gender responsive economic policies for job creation, poverty reduction and sustainable, inclusive growth.

Basic domestic work such as fetching water, amongst other things, should not go unrecognised and water sources should be placed in close proximity so as to ensure the safety of women during their domestic chores.

As we commemorate the 2017 International Women’s month along with the UN Women theme may we start in the private sphere to try and change the perception of domestic work in our society.

 The writer, Tinashe Madamombe, is a final year Women’s and Gender Studies student at the Women’s University in Africa and a Global UGRAD alumni.

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