SO much has been happening since the Bishop was away. So, so much! Morgan Tsvangirai was buried with his MDC-T in Buhera. Thokozani Khupe was butchered by hoodlums in the crumbs of what’s left of the MDC-T. Nelson Chamisa grabbed the MDC-T crumbs right under the nose of Khupe and the unlikeable Elias Mudzuri.
The young but unnecessarily excitable Chamisa, who some say has already been captured by the MDC-T hoodlums, has even gone to the extent of promising gullible Zimbabweans a bullet train. His visibly stunned audience at Chinhoyi wondered what the little boy was talking about. Bullet train to an audience in Chinhoyi? Well, as Chamisa was busy building castles in the air, Khupe and his boys were bleeding profusely in Bulawayo after another thorough beating from the MDC-T thugs.
You hear and see all this and say: “Umm, Bishop indeed so, so much in just a few weeks.” Indeed, too much vanhu waMwari, but then mati madii? From the Blue Roof Mansion in the leafy low-density suburb of Borrowdale, former president Mugabe and “musikana wangu” Grace were cooking a dynamite of some sort. I never thought one day I would ask this question, but hey good people – what’s up with Bob? Hanzi chiiko nemudhara wedu? Is this what 94 minus 52 can do to one of independent Africa’s founding fathers?
Well, what the former president and his unrepentant wife are cooking is only dynamite insofar as it is likely to explode with devastating consequences right in their faces. Otherwise, to all right-thinking Zimbabweans they are cooking mbwezhu nedzimwe mbwende dzevanhu.
Pardon me dear congregants, ndiri kuramba ndongobatwa nesetswa. Kikikikikiki, kikikikikikiki, kikikikikiki, Ambrose Mutinhiri kikikikiki, kikikkikiki! Leader of a political party? Kikikiki! Your ex-wife Tracy akakuramba, saka tokuda kuti zvidii? Imi vanhu sekaiwo neni mhani! You know panoti timid? You know panoti deadhead? Panoti flat tyre? Welcome to Mutinhiri’s world of wonder!
Now if you think Mutinhiri is a big old joke, there is an even bigger monumental joke in this joke. The spokesperson of Mutinhiri’s supposed political party, is none other than the ever clever Jealousy Mawarire. Kikikikiki! Who is that musician who sang “anongori majokosi chete?” Jealousy of all the people? Yakakomborerwa zvayo Zanu-PF!
For those who can’t keep up with Jealousy’s political prostitution, this is that guy who in 2013 filed a case at the Constitutional Court challenging the then president Mugabe to set dates for Presidential and parliamentary elections. Morgan Tsvangirai at that time was enjoying himself in the Prime Minister’s Office and so was against the holding of elections. Jealousy did what he has always done and what he will soon do. Tsvangirai and his MDC-T were walloped by Zanu-PF. Kwanzi Tsvangirai akafa ane chigumbu chikuru kunaJerasi.
Anyway, Jealousy doesn’t really care. He moved to Mai Mujuru’s party. Just like we are laughing now, we laughed when we heard that Jealousy was part of Mai Mujuru’s media team. And Jealousy being Jealousy he didn’t waste time showing his true prostitution colours.
In April last year, after exhibiting some serious judo and karate moves on one Gift Nyandoro whom he was accusing of personalising Mai Mujuru, Jealousy left that little opposition party. Unfortunately and without any shame, he left Nyandoro with a broken leg and in a wheelchair.
This is the same Jealousy who is now the spokesperson of Mutinhiri’s supposed party. Mutinhiri hokoyo nema huuhaa, huuhaaa!
Maybe someone needs to sing Michael Jackson’s song “Money” to Jealousy. Bishop Lazarus wasn’t exactly a fan of that King of Pop but a few lyrics from the song will do a lot of good for Jealousy. It goes “. . . Money, money, money; Lie for it; Spy for it; Kill for it; Die for it!” MJ, as they called him, wasn’t done. With that shrill voice he went “. . . The thrill for the money; Are you infected with the same disease? Of lust, gluttony and greed?” Then the killer line: “If you want it, then earn it with dignity.” Woohh, kanga kakaoma kamwana kekwaJackson. Whoever fooled him to destroy his cute face with those stupid plastic surgeries?
Bishop Lazarus is adding a line to the song. But then “Jealousy won’t listen for the money!” Just keep watching the space. Jealousy has joined many opposition political parties and he has destroyed many. After leaving journalism, it has become a profession and an obsession for him to go after anything that threatens Zanu-PF’s hegemony.
But then let me not major on the minor. Mutinhiri and Jealousy are just dirty raw materials in the scheme of things. Even if they were to fart hard and loud, no one would really care a hoot about them.
This supposed Mutinhiri’s political party is actually Professor Jonathan Moyo’s project and Grace Mugabe’s dream. Poor Mutinhiri was roped in to give a semblance of a link to the liberation struggle since the G40 cabal has learnt the hard way that 38 years after the attainment of independence, the liberation struggle still has a strong bearing on the country’s identity. In the beginning they tried Dr Sydney Sekeramayi and for a while zvakaita kunge zvaita.
Former president Mugabe is in this project just because of 94 minus 52. It’s a true statement that; “as we grow old, we grow young”. Forgive the former president, but then what is Jonathan’s game plan?
The easy conclusion is that Jonathan wants the former president through Mutinhiri to divide Zanu-PF votes during the forthcoming elections. Well, yeah but Jonathan is more sinister than that. He has not yet abandoned his imperialistic agenda. Actually, Jonathan roped in the former president so that the former president could destroy himself first and then Zanu-PF eventually.
As I preach to you dear congregants, every right-thinking Zimbabwean is wondering, “Ko Mudhara Bob apindwa nei? Why can’t he take a deserved rest? Why is he now destroying his legacy?” Well, the former president won’t take that deserved rest because paita nyasire and mujambajecha. Jonathan nekoko, Grace nepapa. What do you expect the old man to do?
Which is why Bishop Lazarus always had this feeling that “Operation Restore Legacy” wasn’t taken to its rightful conclusion. That conclusion is right at the Blue Roof Mansion bedroom. Takasiya mudhara wedu in a tight corner with the greedy and insecure former First Lady.
If you think Bishop Lazarus is exaggerating, then how do you explain kuti the former president, our African icon, akanzi “shut up,” by the former First Lady as she was addressing workers at her company? All the former president had done was to ask, the former First Lady whether indeed she had paid the workers their dues. Can’t we see the former president is in serious trouble?
Now part two of Jonathan’s project – with everyone wondering what has gone wrong with the former president, Jonathan wants President Mnangagwa to lose his cool and go head-on with the former president. When this happens, Jonathan’s idea is for people to then turn around and say, “but why can’t President Mnangagwa see he is dealing with an old man? Why can’t he feel pity for the old man?”
In the end, the former president will destroy his legacy, he will be ill-treated by the current administration and President Mnangagwa will come out as a heartless leader. Let’s not be fooled.
Bishop Lazarus was alarmed when he saw some Zanu-PF youths last week chanting; “Pasi naMugabe!” No, no, no! Let’s not fall into Jonathan’s evil trap. That is exactly what he wants and we should never, ever give it to him.
Instead, let’s take “Operation Restore Legacy” to its rightful conclusion. Inzwa! Inzwa, manyepo. Hehe, Bishop is saying; “Grace and Mugabe, ngavarambaniswe.” Ummm, imi vanhu musamhanye. If that were to happen I don’t think anyone would shed tears, but my thinking is that as a matter of urgency we need to rescue the former president.
Ezekiel 12 vs 2 says: “Son of man, you live in the midst of the rebellious house, who have eyes to see but do not see, ears to hear but do not hear, for they are a rebellious house.” Former president Mugabe has been taken hostage in this rebellious house.
People like Father Mukonori, Father Ribeiro, Dr Gideon Gono and former presidents like Chissano, Mbeki and Kaunda among others should be dispatched to the Blue Roof Mansion to make the former president understand what is going on. These people should make the former First Lady understand the trouble she is putting herself into. All this is likely to end very, very bad for her.
After realising that “mudhara wedu” has fallen for their evil plan, Jonathan and his gangsters are now flying him to South Africa to make him believe. Surely, we can’t let Jonathan do this to the former president. If we let things go as they are, let’s brace for more embarrassing statements from the former president. It’s a blue lie that age is nothing but just a number.
Luke 12 vs 56 warns us all saying: “You hypocrites! You know how to analyse the appearance of the earth and the sky, but why do you not analyse the present time?” Let’s analyse the present time.
Bishop is out!
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