The Sunday Mail
Sir 18area.coms
THE thought of Prophet Walter Magaya being on the bench during a Premier Soccer League match is bewildering, Yours Truly has even started dreaming about the day the Warriors will win the World Cup.As you must have heard by now, Magaya will be the Yadah Stars technical director. And the Papa, who has no coaching badges to speak of, says he is qualified by the heavens. Forget your Caf A licence there is a higher qualification in town – one from heaven.
If I were Mkhupali Masuku, the Harare City coach who does not have the now mandatory Caf A license, I would rush to Magaya and seek a double impartation.
A coach qualified by the heavens – not once but twice – will surely be much more qualified than one who holds a piece of paper signed by some old man at Caf headquarters in Cairo.
With Magaya on the technical bench, his sons and daughters are set to follow Yadah Stars wherever they will be playing. The Premiership new boys will be one of the best supported teams in the league.
But how will these children of Papa react when they see Magaya walking onto the pitch, clad in a tracksuit and with a tactic board in hand? Will they kneel like they usually do? Will they sing “tikatamba tamba toda go bhora”, or they will give us “Holy spirit we are lost without you” when their team is badly in need of a goal? And when that goal finally comes will they shout hurrah as many of us do, or they will shout glory?
Will Yadah Stars’ substitutions be prophetic?
Imagine Wellington Kamudyariwa coming on to score a winner and Magaya faces the media for a post match interview.
“Yes, actually, it was Angel Gabriel who delivered the message from God himself. He said thus says the Lord, we followed that instruction and here we are … 2-1 winners over DeMbare. Isn’t God good?” Magaya might say.
Like, seriously, is this fair, having a man who hears from God being on the bench?
If indeed Magaya knows about something before it happens, what will stop him from instructing one of his players to expect a miscue from an opposition defender in the 60th minute?
And what about those players who call Magaya their father but are employed by other teams, like Caps United’s ZiKeeper? Will Edmore Sibanda be able to produce his best when Makepekepe play Yadah Stars?
I cannot wait for the start of this season.
Let’s take it higher.
If Magaya is qualified by the heavens to be a technical director of a PSL team are we not as a nation wasting his talents? Why not have him as the Warriors coach?
The benefits will be immense.
For starters, Papa won’t wait for Munodaani to pay his salary because he has his own sheets. Let’s not forget that Wicknel Chivayo promised to pay Kallisto Pasuwa’s US$7 000 a month but doesn’t seem to have been doing so for nearly a year now.
As the Warriors coaching drama unfolds very few are alive to the fact that the 2019 Africa Cup Nations campaign is five months away and we start it all with a home date against Liberia.
Yet we have no national team coach to speak of.
In a time like this, good people of Zimbabwe I ask you to open your eyes to the possibility of Papa Walter Magaya being the Warriors coach.
We are in a crisis and only divine intervention can save us. Allow me to quote Jehoshaphat from 2 Chronicled 20:20; “Listen to me, Judah and people of Jerusalem! Have faith in the Lord your God and you will be upheld; have faith in his prophets and you will be successful.”
Sir exits the scene!
Sir is social media commentator and writes this satirical column in his personal capacity. Feedback: [email protected]
