The Sunday Mail
Apostle Langton Kanyati Matrimonial Hub —
WHEN couples first start dating, they may overlook their differences, but once a relationship becomes long-term and the couple falls out of the honeymooner stage, these differences can become disastrous.
The root cause of a breakup of a relationship is the selfishness that erupts in the heart of one or both partners; the love factor which was in the relationship diminishes over a period of time.
Here are the most common reasons as to why relationships break up.
You work more on your wedding than on your marriage: You spend hundreds of hours planning and preparing for your wedding – the venue, the dress, the guest list, the bridesmaids, the groomsmen, the ceremony, the vows – but choose not to spend time planning and preparing on growing your marriage.
You believe marriage is a contract: Even though you don’t say it, you really believe that marriage is a transaction between two people, a contract, and not a covenant. You have the mindset that most things in your relationship are negotiated. “If you do this, then and only then I will do that.”
You think that marriage is a 50/50 partnership rather than a 100/100 give it all you have got relationship.
Physical and/or mental abuse: This is one of the major factors which finally bring about a breakup of a marriage. This is caused by the sadistic attitude of one of the partners which was kept covered up before a marriage. The spouse who gets the brunt of it, is kept under control, intimidated and manipulated. There is less chance for such a relationship to continue for long. Attraction to another: This happens because one spouse does not give enough time for his or her partner. A communication gap in words or physically may develop between the two which, as it widens, paves the way for attraction of one spouse towards another person of the opposite gender.
Cheating and infidelity: When a spouse begins to get attracted towards another person, intimate relationships between the two develop and deepen. And if the developing intimacy is not noticed by any one, it may end up in infidelity. This may go on for a long time till it is discovered causing devastation to the marriage and ultimately breakup.
Constant humiliation: One partner may be less empathetic than the other; they have no inhibitions in speaking ill of the other before other people. The targeted spouse is always made to feel that he or she is ‘good for nothing’; there is no regard for his or her dignity and sentiments. This is because of the selfish attitude of the targeting spouse who shows off to people that life of the two together would never be as good as it is at present without her or him.
The suffering partner invariably feels inferior. The spouse may even have to undergo humiliation by his or her partner before others resulting in one reacting which ends in marital breakup.
Constant nagging: The targeted partner has to bear up with the other partner’s constant fault-finding, complaints, scolding, criticisms and frequent sarcastic remarks. There is no concern for the feelings or the respect of the partner.
The tendency to nag is more common with women than with men. This is done in an effort to adjust their partner to their standards of living. When the targeted partner does things to please his or her partner, he or she comes up with new “points of improvements”.
The suffering partner may tolerate it for a short or long while but the breakup is inevitable. So, stop nagging .
Repeated lying: A spouse or partner may habitually tell lies to his/her partner. In such cases, the right picture is never clear to the other spouse. A constant attitude of lying can throw a relationship into jeopardy and finally brings about a breakup.
Remember, the truth may hurt but lies are worse because one day that truth you are hiding will come out – whether good or bad – and will have consequences.
Incessant arguments and quarrels: A marriage or a relationship may break up if there are frequent fights between the spouses, when each one wants to have his or her own way, never agreeing for a compromise.
The arguments go out of control and they shout at each other, throw things at each other, and abuse each other. Such a relationship can not last. Communication must always be done in the right and respectful way to keep your marriage going.
Repeated comparison with another man/woman: One partner may constantly compare his/her partner with others simply belittling them, trying to tell them that their lifestyle is not of a standard he/she desires. The targeted spouse generally ends up developing an inferiority complex; often the spouse may try to match up to the standards of their partner to maintain peace and keep the marriage intact but it is of little use.
It ends up in a breakup.
Of course you don’t want your marriage to fail, do you? You want it to last for life. But if too many of the issues mentioned above are often a part of your life, then you may be on a dangerous road in your relationship.
Enjoy your marriage.
Apostle Kanyati is founder and president of Zoe Life Changing Ministries and Grace Unlimited interdenominational. Feedback: [email protected] and WhatsApp +263772987844
