The Sunday Mail
Pastors Davison and Gwendoline Kanokanga : Matrimonial Hub
WE pick up from where we left last week.
| There is a type of ignorance known as marital ignorance. lt refers to the absence of knowledge concerning marriage. |
Christians and non-Christians alike suffer from it. You cannot enjoy marriage if you do not know how to build a fulfilling marriage.
The Bible says, “By wisdom a house is built and through understanding it is established, through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures “.
The ugliness or beauty of your marriage does not depend on your academic knowledge, it depends on your marital knowledge.
This explains why you find that one marriage may be thriving whilst another marriage next door may be collapsing.
Pride may be the reason for your ignorance. You have an inflated opinion of yourself. You reason in your mind that “I cannot be taught by another man what to do in my own house” or “I cannot be taught by another woman what to do in my own house”.
Remember that pride comes before a fall. God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.
You might not see the need to buy good marriage resources like tapes, DVDs, CDs, books, etcetera.
No marriage on this side of heaven has yet attained perfection. Like knowledge, ignorance is a choice. Do not delay this transition from ignorance to knowledge.
Competition
When God made Eve for Adam, he did not make a competitor for him. What he made was a helper who was suitable for Adam.
He made someone who had the ability to complement him. Adam and Eve were not to compete with each other. Likewise, you are not to compete with your spouse.
You see, where there is competition, there must be a winner and a loser. If you view marriage as a competition, you will treat your spouse as a challenger, a contender or a rival.
How are contenders or rivals treated? They must either be defeated or eliminated. This then becomes your attitude towards your spouse if you view him or her as your competitor.
You will never enjoy your marriage for as long as you are competing with your spouse. If you are competing with the Jones you may find yourself in serious debt as you try to either match or better them. The word of God and not the Jones must be your standard.
Busy schedules
If you do not know how to live a balanced life, you can be so busy with your work, your ministry, your studies, your career, your business, etc, to such an extent that you will have no time for yourself, let alone your spouse.
While there is nothing wrong with working hard, there is everything wrong with being so busy that you have no recreational time. Jesus encouraged his disciples to rest, (Mark 6:31 -32).
You cannot enjoy your marriage if you are always busy. There are some people who believe in reserving the best for the last. This kind of thinking is warped, (Ecclesiastes 9:9).
Being too busy can be a wedge between you and your spouse, even if you say that you are busy with the work of God.
In this regard, I can do no better than quote the words of Pastor Tom Deuschle, Hear The Word Church and president of Hear The Word Ministries. This is what he had to say about how his busy schedule and that of his wife affected their marriage.
“As our years in Africa turned into decades, God’s hand was on both our ministries – yet we faced a new battle. This time it came in a different form than I had ever experienced before, and it nearly destroyed Bonnie and I, for this time the battle was for our marriage.
“Although we loved each other deeply, we did not see a great rift developing between us. It was not always evident as we shared so much in common; but because of the magnitude of the Ministry, we began to drift apart.
“There was Bonnie with her creative juices flowing with large-scale productions, driving kids to and from school, making sure homework was done and still overseeing the ladies ministry and the music department.
“And there I was busy feeding refugees, preaching on Sundays, founding a Bible School and trying to build platforms for unity in the nation. Our lives became like the proverbial ships passing in the night.
“We would see each other, if we were lucky, early in the morning and sometimes late at night, but found ourselves too exhausted, both physically and emotionally, to respond to each other’s needs. The inevitable happened and our marriage hit the rocks.”
The devil
Apart from being the accuser of the brethren and the father of all lies, the devil cometh but to steal, kill and destroy.
Every married person must be sober and vigilant because the devil who is our adversary walks about like a roaring lion seeking to devour someone.
At times, his destruction is not sudden but gradual. He can steal your joy. In some cases, you may not quickly know that it is him who is behind the strife, tension and disharmony in your marriage.
If he gains entry into your life, the devil can cause you and or your spouse to live sinful lives. He can cause you to lie to your spouse.
The Bible says, “He who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning”.
A marriage characterized by sinful living patterns will never know joy. The devil can blind you to the good which your spouse does to and for you.
All that you see in your spouse are weaknesses, faults and shortcomings. You do not see anything worth admiring.
Consequently, you are full of complaints. You are angry, disappointed and frustrated with your spouse, why? The reason may be that the devil has blinded your mind so that you do not see the good in your spouse. You do not appreciate your spouse.
Another tool the devil uses is deception, (1Timothy 2:13-14).The devil can deceive you into believing that you married the wrong person. He can make you believe that a one night stand committed with a stranger far away from home is harmless.
Do not be deceived. Deception can result in you having a guilty conscience. For as long as you are struggling with guilt in your life, joy will elude you. The devil can also steal your joy through sickness, death or loss of property. This was the case with Job after God granted satan access to him, (Job 1).
The good news is that if you are a Christian, you are neither helpless nor powerless. You are precious to God. His love for you is not only unconditional but steadfast and eternal.
God has given you powerful weapons of mass destruction. He has given you the name of Jesus, the blood of Jesus, the Holy Spirit and His word.
You can resist Him and He will flee from your marriage. If there is any joy that the devil has stolen from your marriage, you need not lose sleep over that. Remember, weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning. If you are not in Christ, you are vulnerable to the devil.
Your best bet is to take cover in God by being born again and inviting God into your marriage.
Pastors Davison and Gwen Kanokanga are founders of Christian Impact Centre and The Marriage Centre. Feedback:[email protected]
