The Sunday Mail
Pastor Davison Kanokanga
Matrimonial Hub
IN marriage, sexual purity is a must. God insists on it.
“Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (Hebrews 13:4)
Sexual purity does not benefit Cod. It benefits mankind. It benefits married people. Sexual purity is the basis for sexual intimacy. Where there is sexual purity there is no fear of contracting STDs and HIV/Aids. Sexual purity provides security and stability.
Inspite of the clear benefits of sexual purity and the many risks associated with sexual unfaithfulness, there are still many people who are sexually unfaithful before, during and after marriage. These people include the rich and the poor, the educated and the uneducated, Christians and non-Christians. These people cheat for different reasons. Listed here are some of the reasons why some people are sexually unfaithful.
Unmet Needs
Every husband has some basic needs which must be met by his wife. By the same token, every wife has some basic needs which must be met by her husband.
One of men’s basic needs is sexual fulfillment whilst one of women’s basic needs is attention. Whilst it is true that not every sexual unfaithful act is a result of some unmet need(s), it is also true that some unfulfilled need(s) can give rise to sexual unfaithfulness.
For instance, continued sexual deprivation in marriage can, if done unilaterally, expose the deprived party to temptation. This is why the Bible says, “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:5)
A sexually deprived spouse who lacks self-control is likely to end up committing adultery. Writing on how some unmet need(s) can adversely affect a marriage, Willard F Harley says; “Very often the friendship that grows into an affair is not based on physical attraction. A wife will get a look at her husband’s lover and exclaim, ‘How in the world could he be interested in her?’
“The answer is ‘very easy’ because the attraction is emotional. It doesn’t necessarily matter if the other woman is overweight, plain or really rather ugly. What matters is that she has been able to meet an unfulfilled need.”
Uncontrolled thoughts
Some people have uncontrolled thoughts concerning members of the opposite sex. This tends to be true of the people who are exposed to pornography.
These individuals end up wanting to experience their wildest sexual fantasies. This they will do by being sexually unfaithful.
Lack of boundaries
If you are involved with a member of the opposite sex in a caring relationship such as doctor and patient, lawyer and client, pastor and congregant, counsellor and counselee, teacher and student or employer and employee, you need to be able to set boundaries. In other words, you need to determine where the relationship starts and ends.
You must be careful not to go beyond the professional relationship. The use of seductive language or provocative dressing in such relationships should be avoided.
Temptation
The story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife is quite illustrative. The Bible says, “Now Joseph was well built and handsome, and after a while his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, ‘Come to bed with me!’ But he refused, ‘With me in charge,’ he told her, ‘My master does not concern himself with anything in the house, everything he owns he has entrusted to my care. No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?’
“And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her. One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. She caught him by his cloak and said, ‘Come to bed with me!’ But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.” (Genesis 39:7-12)
Joseph was subjected to daily temptation by his master’s wife.
Remember that the lips of an adulteress drip honey and her mouth is smoother than oil. Joseph was able to resist the sexual advances by Potiphar’s wife.
When Potiphar’s wife realised that her strategy was not working, she changed the strategy.
You can be tempted like Joseph. When that happens, you must know that there are times when you can resist temptation and there are times when you must run away from temptation.
When tempted, remember: “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And Cod is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)
The fact that you have been tempted does not mean that you must succumb to the temptation. You can and should overcome temptation.
Davison Kanokanga is a practising lawyer, teacher of the Word of God, author of several books on marriage and a marriage counsellor. Visit www.impactchristiancentre.net
