The Sunday Mail
Tendai Mbirimi
There is a reason why some people opt to elope instead of doing the honourable thing — wed! The world over fable-like-stories of weddings which went wrong abound.
Some controversies may be brewing underneath from the day the bride or groom was introduced to the other family.
Because families value their children more than the spouse, it is likely that on the wedding day fissures will show. When in-laws start to outshine each other, it becomes a show of opulence that can make the big day a disaster.
Issues range from “she is less educated than our son so we must show them that we are classy”, “he cannot marry an infidel”, or the famous rich-boy-poor-girl and vice versa tales.
Asked what makes a wedding the best day, a friend whose parents are divorced remarked: “Having all your loved ones in one venue”. And the difficult part: “Having all your loved ones in one venue.”
A wedding is a day that two people declare their endless love, their commitment to one another, in the presence and witness of their loved ones.
They get the blessing from the church, family and friends who gather to wish them everlasting happiness.
But enter divorced parents, a step parent, a bride or groom coming from a family that looks down on the other, and things get very complicated very quickly.
This is a ticking time bomb, ready to explode at the slightest instigation.
How then does one avoid a cold war, drama queens or sideshows which can blight their wedding?
Define roles
One way of ensuring you do not have Armageddon on your wedding day is by defining roles that people play.
This is especially true in respect of a situation where the bride opts to be walked down the aisle by an actual or step parent where both parties are present. Giving both parties defined and agreed roles could help diffuse tensions
Be firm
When you anticipate trouble, it is better to have contingency plans and an influential person apprised of the scenario could be tasked to deal with sorties.
Don’t invite them
Another choice is simply not inviting potential trouble makers and having security. This may not be everybody’s choice but who wants their day to be a battlefield?
The in-laws who feel insulted, the mother who dreads seeing her ex-husband with his much younger new wife, and the tetes who think their efforts are not recognised can ruin a wedding.
If you can’t make people see sense, simply do not invite trouble makers! A wedding is a private function after all.
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