The Sunday Mail
Vukani Madoda The Sharp Shooter
Last week was so eventful and it was hard to keep up with the hard-hitting news that was reported throughout. The circus had come to town. First we had a Gamatox manuscript published — as it is always done — on a Monday in the private media, and as usual, penned by a court jester who mistakenly believes politics is about syntax.
Hence the comedy of the acronym Build, which we were told is meant to find meaning in Blueprint to Unlock Investment for Leverage Development. Anyone who did not laugh will never have a sense of humour.
Then on Thursday, Tendai Biti decided not to be outdone and launched his joke called People’s Democratic Party, inviting Jabulani Sibanda — of all jokers — and other political nonentities to cartoon the whole event just in case we had not broken our ribs laughing at the Gamatox clowning.
As if competing to see who the greatest idiot is, on Thursday night Morgan Tsvangirai entered the fray with demands for so-called electoral reforms.
It was the usual waffling that Tsvangirai has been associated with over the last decade-and-a-half.
The usual self-pity. The usual resignation of failing to utilise democratic space.
Phew! What a week!
Come Friday, it was back to reality as President Mugabe announced a powerful cabinet of 14 new appointees amongst them fellow columnist Cde Patrick Zhuwao who will certainly take the Youth, Indigenisation and Economic Empowerment agenda to its logical conclusion.
Congratulations Cde.
Clearly, Zanu PF is still in control and is not perturbed by the howling of a failed former Vice-President, or the broken-record of Tsvangirai’s voice, or the rumblings of a hungry former Finance Minister.
All the hullabaloo about new parties or new manifestos being let loose or launched or unleashed fizzled out the moment Gushungo reminded them who was in charge.
It was telling that Joice Mujuru appended her signature on that piece of trash which the majority of Zimbabweans felt was painful to read to the end.
It was telling that someone who has often claimed to be a “freedom fighter,” albeit an attribute hotly disputed by Cde Chris Mutsvangwa, has a vision to “… attain … freedom …” and yet the Zimbabwe of today is the most peaceful country on Earth which has made significant strides towards democracy and prosperity.
Never before has anyone heard of a manifesto that is distributed before a party is launched.
But Gamatox has defied the odds and has decided to issue statements plagiarised from MDC to try and test the waters in the fear of bringing their party to an inevitable stillbirth.
A serious and intelligent electorate will not be swayed by the rantings of recycled ideas that never worked and were not accepted by Zimbabwe over the last 15 years.
So why on Earth would Joice Mujuru erroneously believe that Zimbabweans will be attracted to Build?
Surely, why does Joice Mujuru build her political demise with such reckless abandon of monumental proportions? How dare she try sell Zimbabweans a poor personality advert!
Given the confusion of all these opposition outfits, Zanu-PF’s landslide victory in 2018 is already written on the wall.
The confusion of launching a manifesto without a party.
The confusion of the PDP inviting Gamatox to the panel of losers.
The confusion of PDP refusing to have dinner with Tsvangirai and the confusion of MDC and its “leaking tent” refusing to recognise Gamatox is a clear indication that Zanu-PF will have the biggest piece of the pie, as usual.
Zanu-PF’s strength does not necessarily lie in this confusion, but rather in clear and pragmatic policies that are implemented by comrades who are not power drunk like the Mujurus, Tsvangirais and Bitis of this world.
The smart revolutionary party opened up democratic space only for these power drunk cabals to devour each other.
Their tired songs parroted by those that have been disgraced is very cheap politicking and a desperate cry for relevance in a political space that has been opened through Zanu-PF but is now causing so much confusion for them.
They are like a children who are taken to a supermarket and told to take what they want —and they focus on the non-essential stuff.
The democracy they have requested has been given to them in abundance but has made them not only clueless about the important things in life, but they have also become pathetically big-headed and bigoted.
Only the other week Biti was calling for President Mugabe to be impeached. It is as if this Biti chap has learnt nothing at all in his unenviable and waning political and legal career.
Mujuru, Tsvangirai and Biti need to be reminded that elections were held in 2013 and Zanu-PF won resoundingly because it represents and stands for the people.
Today, these outfits blame Zanu-PF for a stagnant economy yet they called for sanctions and continue to do so — as is clear in Build.
The miserable thinking behind it is unfortunate.
They think they can bring down the revolutionary party and its revolutionary leader by blocking all forms of FDI and then gain power and regain that lost investment.
Talk of destroying Zimbabwe so that Mujuru can Build it. What a laugh!
Unfortunately, they have failed dismally in their evil endeavours to oust President Mugabe and it is also unfortunate that they succeeded in their evil endeavours by bringing untold suffering to the man on the street.
The current state of the economy is a result of misfits like these three cabals who mindlessly call on the international community to burn their own house.
No one is going to take them seriously because they to continue to swallow sour grapes with reckless vigour.
Their mindless parroting should stop. This, as the French would say “parler pour parler” — talk to talk — should cease forthwith because it adds no value to economic emancipation.
The pettiness of these cabals reveals that they have dragged themselves to a new low.
Only certified political clowns could become so petty as to stampede for electoral attention in a single week and expect anyone to take them seriously.
They made us laugh by trying to compare Zim-Asset with those trash documents called Arrest (Agenda for the Restoration and Rehabilitation of Electoral Sustainability), Build, HOPE (Holistic Programme for Economic Transformation) and WReNE (Without Reforms, No Elections) — jokes that are not worth the paper they are printed on nor the ink that prints them.
Dubulaizitha!
