In the Media: And so a new campaign beckons

Roki and Ammara
Roki and Ammara

Final say
How quickly the week progressed with no shortage of things to focus on in the media. My dollars were all given every cent’s worth if the stories in the media were anything to go by and boy was I mesmerised.
Here’s a snap shot of the action:

Bring back our MPs
Yes, we started our own campaign with the hash tag bring back our MPs last week. While the “bring back our girls” campaign was supported by Michelle Obama, our local campaign got no such support, sadly.

But that didn’t make it any less dramatic than the Nigerian ordeal that has spawned international debate and attention.

Our legislators, bless them, after going on a trip — probably a maiden one outside Zimbabwe for many of them — became totally starry eyed at the prospect of getting a bargain for their dollars in China’s Guan-something City and for the love of kotamayi clothing classics which are cheaper.

Sadly though, they went deeper and further than originally planned.

In the end we could have composed a “bring back Masango Matambanadzo . . . I want to see him walking down the street of Kwekwe Central tomorrow’” in true Hugh Masekela-style.

All is well that ends well, though, and the bargain hunters are back from what our elders called kutetereka mumasango led by group leader . . . umm, well, Masango!

A holy prick
And then there was the story of the pastor, again from Midlands but this time Gweru, who got a bit of spillage.

In what could be entrapment, the pastor was known to have been bedding another young chap in a nasty gay storm that has gotten the pastor some bad Press when the police went through his boyfriend’s phone.

Whether they were allowed, too, is debatable but we all know that Zimbabwean police never let the law get in the way of a good procedural boob.

What caught my eye was rather the obvious little detail which makes the story anything BUT eyebrow-raising.
Apparently the name of the pastor is called . . . wait for it . . . Aleck MUCHABAYIWA. Talk about a holy prick!

Fishing in the desert
H-Metro went fishing and believed what serial delusions musician Roki and his partner in all things inane Maskiri said.

The gist of the story was that the former would wed crooner and daughter of the late Andy Brown, Ammara Brown.
In another story, this time on the web, it was further alleged that best man was to be Maskiri, who is rumoured to be dating Roki’s ex and Mafriq vocalist Pauline.

Read so many versions of the same story with the reporter, who unleashed the story to the masses, firstly rumoured to have concocted the story then misinterpreted the story and I found it difficult to make heads or tails of the whole thing.

That said, it’s safe to say when dealing with Roki or Maskiri, the seasoned writer should know full well that you exhaust the questions and the subjects and not run the copy in hand.

In the end they swallowed the hogwash hook, line and sinker.

While they are dating, the whole white wedding nonsense was disputed by Ammara.

Reporters be warned, there are some people from whom soliciting stories is akin to fishing in the desert. You will not get much, save for a sun tan and a red face.

Whether or not this was nothing more than a publicity stunt is a matter of opinion but you have to admit it would make for some good Sunday reading huh?

Roki and Ammara; dare I say is Zimbabwe’s own power couple and our own Jay-Z and Beyonce.

Wait, wait . . . that would make Maskiri and Pauline the local Kimye?

Inasmuch as Pauline is no Kim Kardashian, for obvious reasons, Maskiri would make a delightful Kanye West for both share similar middle names “controversy” and have been known to speak without thought in the past.

Penny for your thoughts!

Tax man is loved?
Back in my time with my bell-bottoms, weird herbs in my pocket (whose nature I shall not disclose), cross belts, platform shoes and wavy perm as a college student, Beatle-mania was the in-thing.

Who in my generation did not listen to the Beatles?

They had a song called “Taxman” and it told the story loved all over the world that is “hate the tax man”.

Nobody likes the tax man until this very day!

So when Madam Charity Charamba tore into the tax man Gershem Pasi and called him ignorant, the response I got is that people will love the tax man in this particular brawl.

The police should hand over the funds from roadblock collections, everybody seemed to concur. With regards to Gershem being an ignoramus, the verdict is open.

While many traffic cops seem to be able to only count up to five (they often say to motorists “donhedza ka five, mudhara”), the taxman thinks in millions.

Never thought I would live to see the day when the tax man proves more popular than those whose job it is to “serve and protect”, now did I?

Until next week, let’s keep our noses in the papers, shall we?

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