Affair with married fellow congregant

HELLO Mai Chisamba, I am 19 years old and I come from a broken home.

My parents divorced when I was seven and this affected me so much. For me it was like the end of the world. I am grateful to my mum because she is the one who took care of me despite the hardships she faced. I did O-Level and I passed with five subjects. I tried to look for work but could not find any. Sometime last year I fell in love with a married guy, a father of two. We met at church and he proposed love, we clicked as if we had known each other all our lives.

He is gainfully employed and the good thing is he does not stay with his wife, she works out of town. She is like a weekend wife to him. I am like the official one because we spend long hours together. I love this guy with all my heart and he tells me that he feels the same. The truth is we now stay together. I only go back home every Friday. To begin with I did not mind giving way to his wife but now I feel hurt and angry each time I do this. This guy is my life, I no longer feel anything for any other men ndatoperera.

I cannot even imagine myself being with anyone else besides this great guy.

The reason why I have written to you is because with the way things are going ndakutya kuti vanotorambana chete and I do not want to be the cause. The guy says he does not mind marrying me but I am too young to be a second wife. I am in the middle and I do not know which direction to take please help. When other guys try to be befriend me I shy away mukati hapana zvaakandiita here uyu munhu?

Response
I feel sorry because you come from a broken home background but I think your mum did a good job, she raised you as best as she could and put you through school. Congratulations for attaining your O-Levels. I urge you to continue with your education. When you are educated you have more chances of getting employed or on working in sectors of your choice. In as much as your mum tried her best to bring you up I think she did not cover a lot of important things with you.

Yes, you are a major but at 19 I think you still need a bit of handholding from mum and the immediate community. We have an adage which says “kuzvara kwemumwe kuzvara kwakowo”. This married man you are dating does not live in a vacuum. When you go to stay with him during the week people see you and they know that this guy is married, why can they not say something or kungotsiura? When the wife comes home they pretend as if nothing ever goes on, what a shame! You stay with your mother saka vanoti uri kuiteiko? My impression of her is that she is more interested in what you make or bring but not your life.

You are at high risk of contracting STIs like HIV and AIDS because you are part of a love triangle. You go to the same church and you have an illicit affair with a fellow congregant saka muri kunamatei? That is morally wrong. Some people have been either maimed or killed as a result of these love triangles. Chauri kuita ndicho chinonzi chipfambi. It hurts me when married men or women take advantage of young innocent people in exchange for a few dollars or some groceries. It seems you see things in reverse, why is it ‘a good thing’ that he does not stay with his wife during the week?

Why are you getting confused, it is actually a bad thing because it is making it harder for you to leave this man. Remember the woman you are referring to is his wife. If he truly loves you why does he send you away when his wife is in town? Usaperere hako hapana chimuko apa. I urge you to forget about this guy and start on a clean slate. Start by going for an HIV test. I agree with you on not considering to become his second wife, get your own husband. You are only 19 usazvipotsere and do not be a factor in their divorce.

Mind you the wife is not even aware of your existence. The direction to take is to just stop what you are doing. Hapana kana zvawakaitwa you just need to calm down and take it as a life lesson, you are only 19 and trying to figure love and relationships out. As a parting remark I urge you not to be fooled, keep your pride, you can do far much better than this guy. Refuse to be a substitute wife. I wish you all the best.

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