Maid snatched my husband

MAI CHISAMBA, I really need your help. Am married and have been blessed with four children.

Two years ago my husband took my maid as a wife and paid lobola to her parents and is now renting a room for her ku Epworth. I am so ashamed of this because I am a very educated woman, actually doing my PHD, and have a very good job.

My husband on the other side is not very educated and is self employed but not doing very well financially.

I finance everything in the house, school fees for the kids, groceries, you name it. I am a devout Christian and believe in family values and forgiveness. However, from the time my husband got a second wife I cannot forgive him. I am not happy, Mai Chisamba.

He does not want to leave her because he claims he is afraid I will leave him because I am financially stable. He actually is even refusing to sleep with me as a form of punishment. He says I am not submissive because I do not give him my salary.

Mai Chisamba, I am so confused. I cannot give him my salary, I know him, inodyiwa yese. Our house, I am the one who built it yese, not even a brick from him. I am really lonely, Mai Chisamba. I want a man. I want someone who loves me. My mind is divided into two, to leave him and get married to someone else or to stay with him and get a boyfriend outside our marriage who will at least meet my sexual needs.

I am lonely, Mai Chisamba, but don’t want my kids to grow up in a broken family. Please help.

Response

Thank you so much for writing in. I felt very sad after reading your letter; as usual I will take it step by step. You are giving me the impression that you operate as two different people in your marriage. You have listed the things that you have done and what he has failed to do, why?

Muwanano hapana ane chake because you are a couple, you are one. What is yours is rightfully his and vice versa. You say you are doing your PHD, makorokoto! And well done for that but my question is kudzidza hakuperi, ko baba vasara sei zvakadaro?

Can I conclude that you are not encouraging him enough? Why doesn’t he see that there is no downside to bettering himself? Zvitsvage.

Thank you for considering the welfare of your children, it is true that most kids from broken marriages struggle in life.

My advice is use the law to protect yourself, you can sue the maid for adultery and also do likewise to your husband because it’s against the law for him to deny you your conjugal rights and using this as punishment, this is domestic violence at its worst.

You say you are a devout Christian, apa muri kugaya kuita chikomba outside marriage, that’s against your religious beliefs, hazviitwe izvozvo. I suggest you get professional counseling because for your man to fall in love with the maid and run away from home, pane nyaya.

I agree, for now don’t give him your salary because you are looking after the kids and paying for all the other bills, but make sure he is well looked after because he is still your husband.

If by any chance he comes back, you should both get tested first, use protective sex, you can’t be sure of his status since he is staying with someone else. – Good luck.

 

Pfuma yenhaka inonetsa

When my husband passed away in 2005, hama dzomurume wangu vakabva vanditi vanoda kutora mari yemalodger pa seven rooms dzatinogara.

Handina kutukana navo asi izvi vakazviita vachiti vanoda mari iyoyo kuti vagadzirise zvemusha since my husband was the only man in a family of eight. Imba tisu takavaka nemurume wangu asi stand ndeya baba vakasoshaya kare kare. Handina kuita nharo sezvo ndaiziva kuti stand ndeyababa.

Nevana vangu vatatu takararama tiri mu two rooms. Zvakandipa shungu semunhu anoshanda ndikatenga yangu stand yandiri kutovaka uye vana vangu vaviri pavatatu vave kushandawo.

Dambudziko rangu nderiri, kubva pavatora dzimba vachiisa malodger 2005 up to now hatichafambidzana navatete vangu nemhaka yekuti vaindipomera zvisizvo, makuhwa, kuparadza uye kuti zvose zvandinoita ndivaudze.

Of course anything chino affecter vana ndinovaudza asi as for my developments handivaudze. Zvadaro vanzwa nema rumours kuti ndine stand vakatsamwa vakatanga kundi actira. I had to keep quiet, Mai Chisamba.

Kubasa ndakapromotwa uye vana vangu vari kundibatsira kuvaka. Ndobva here pamba apa kana kuti ndochengetedza muchato wangu ndichishungurudzwa for no reason. Vamwene nemurume wangu vakasofa kare uye vakasiya vataura kuti ndisabve pamba apa.

Ndodiniko, Mai Chisamba, ini hupenyu hwangu hwose ndakaita murume mumwe ivo baba vevana vangu. Handina mufaro chokwadi nokuti whenever they meet, nyaya kutaura nezvemunhu asingavapindure uye zvemba handina basa nazvo because ine zita rababa vavo. Ndosuduruka here kana ndoramba ndiripo?

Response

Thank you for writing in and for looking after the kids following the death of your husband. Yours is a very simple and straight-forward issue, why are you still there? Murikugarira kudadirwa here kwamuri kutaura uku? The house was and will never be yours. Let me just give vana tete some advice.

If the house is still registered in the late baba’s name, imhosva inotosungisa, so they have to sort this out as soon as possible. From the way you write I can tell that this is a very dysfunctional family inovengerana pfuma yenhaka, mese nana tete haisi imba yenyu.

Instead of celebrating kuti muroora nemhuri vawana stand yavo

vototsamwa, what a shame! Ko varume vaana tete kana varipo vakanyararireyi madzimai avo achiita mashura?

Once again I say keep your pride and leave that place. Zvekuti musabvepo zvakataurwa nemuromo pasina will saka musaomerere kanyama kasina munyu. Fambai zvakanaka kuenda kustand kwenyu. – Good Luck.

 

Our landlord steals from us

Thank you so much for your column, I follow it every week. I am a lodger in Warren Park but I have a shocking experience.

There are two other lodgers pamba patinogara. Please help us because I think what our landlord is doing is out of this world.

Mai Chisamba, besides our rentals we are forced to buy tissue rolls, floor polish and cleaning detergent for the toilet, these we give to them every month.

On top of this there is a duty roaster for each one of us to clean the toilet, polish the veranda ratisingambogara and to sweep the yard.

If you can’t do these duties you pay an extra $20 on top of your rent. Ukanonoka kumuka unotogogodzerwa kuti duty. This is such an inconvenience especially to us who go to work. The worst is the reason why I have written to you, the landlord has spare keys to our rooms and she opens and takes whatever she wants willy nilly.

Tanzwa nekutorerwa sipo, mafuta, sugar and at times kana packet yekanyama kaunenge wakatemba unowana kaenda. I urged the other lodgers kuti let’s confront her and tell her that this is wrong. Vamwe vakati ita wega nekuti uri kubva wanamwa nenotice.

Mai Chisamba, we are treated like school kids, we don’t even have the keys for the gate, if you come after 8 wotoziva kuti yava meeting. Magetsi nemvura vanoita sekuda kwavo. Is this what lodging is all about? Please help.

Response

Thank you for reading my column and thank you for writing in. What a shocker! Is this happening in Zimbabwe? Is this true? Is this normal? God forbid. To say the least, I am shocked, I can’t believe this. I will ask some of our readers especially lodgers to write in and tell me their experiences because this is a vice that should be looked into carefully zvogadziriswa, as usual your identity will be protected.

Why do you allow such things to happen to you? Nobody including the landlord has a right to open your room and take anything without your permission, that’s theft.

I advise you to report to the police as soon as you find something missing. You say this is done against your will, ko makapinda sei pasina zvakanyoreranwa pasi mukasainirana?

You need to have a lease agreement that you read through and understand before you move in, if you are not in agreement, don’t sign.

Shamwari, if you don’t do this, you will be taken advantage of. I know and I appreciate that accommodation is not very easy to come by, but this should not push us into a horse/rider relationship.

What your landlord is doing is wrong and this is daylight robbery, you don’t need to buy tissue rolls, floor polish, etc, iwe wozotenga zvimwe zvekuitisa duty.

This should be put right because it will discourage a lot of youngsters who want to be independent and self-sufficient.

The Rent Board is there to protect you if you are not happy with whatever goes on at your place. Lodger munhuwo kani asati awana pake, they should be treated with respect. I know some lodgers have their shortcomings as well, but this letter came from mukomana wekuseri so I have to reply him in his capacity as such. Always use the law for protection. Good luck.