The Sunday Mail
I sent wrong WhatsApp
Please help I don’t know what to do. Kunyara kunokunda kufa, I get on so well with my sister in-law, to me she is like my own sibling, our husbands are brothers. My husband’s sister is a woman of loose morals. She has had four children with four different men; three of them are married and have their families. The truth is she is not concerned about her kids welfare anongogarawo na Amai pamusha. The little that we give to amai ndizvo zvaanomirirawo se gondo. The problem now is amwene has become so demanding because of tete’s big family and this is putting a strain on our budgets. My problem is, I hatched a plan to sabotage the kumusha contributions so I sent a WhatsApp message to my sister in-law. Handidi kunyepa ndakataura zvandisingagone kudzokorodza little did I know that I made a mistake and I sent to the tete in question. She did not respond but instead she forwarded the message to my husband. I called mainini to check if she had seen the chat that’s when I discovered my mistake. When my husband finally got this from his sister Mai Chisamba he went pale and just asked if that had truly come from me. Since then haasi kutaura neni haasi kudya kumba, he is like a river in flood. I have never seen him like this. I don’t know what to do ndapererwa hangu. I don’t know what’s next, could this be the end of my marriage? How do I correct this? Ndoenda here pasina andidzinga? Mai Chisamba you are my last hope please help.
Response
Thank you so much for writing in I must say this is a real problem. Week in and week out I receive letters that have one common theme which is GOSSIP. This is a cancer that should be uprooted from family and relationships. My friend be warned guhwa rine mabudiro aro chero rikaitwa nemutowo upi.
There was no need for you to hatch a plan to sabotage the family contributions. All you needed to do was to sit down as a family and talk to tete. She is one woman who desperately needs help and constructive advice. She should not be promiscuous and also help her appreciate that if one is a parent the welfare of her children is her sole responsibility. You are abusing your phone and its functions haisi yehurevi ndeyekurerutsa mararamiro pa communication. My advice is you need to break the ice, it is not good for your marriage neither is it good for your relationship with the in-laws.
Tete should be advised to use the law to have these children taken care of by their biological fathers if she knows them, ikodzero yevana.
Amai should not demand things from you guys ngavapihwe sekugona kwemhuri yavo.
Tete ngavatsvage basa so that she is self-sufficient. When you deliberate on this matter make sure you rope in family elders who are respected peace-makers asi kana iri mhuri yemakuhwa then look for professionals. nce again let me say mhedzesero yemakuhwa ruvengo, ndapota yedzai kutaura zvamunogona kudzokorodza. Lastly it is my hope that people cool down first before they engage in these discussions. Iyo WhatsApp iyi ichenjererei yakonzeresa zvakawanda, munaona.
Anoita seane buka akabata mari
I am a thirty-seven-year-old father of two. I rarely complain because I have taught myself to stomach a lot of things. My wife takes this for a weakness and she is taking advantage of me. I believe in combined budgets in marriages and working together as spouses. My wife works for an NGO and I must admit they are handsomely paid. She has been working for this company for the past two-and-a-half years. Mai Chisamba I have seen my wife transform from being a wife to tsotsi chairo, besides her salary she gets a lot in allowances for this and that. The point at issue is recently she said, “Tongoisa masalary edu for combined budgets ma allowances nema bonuses munhu obatsira wekwake.” I’m a civil servant I hope you know what that means. I don’t want to overexpose her because she is my wife but she is who she is today because of me. I am confused I don’t understand what she is up to ndiko kuti kudii ikoko? Akabata mari anoita semunhu ane buka. The other disadvantage is we stay in the same suburb with her parents half the time inongova kwana mhamha, kwana mhamha. To say the least I’m fed up if she loves money this way and does not want us to operate as a couple I think I am better off alone. She can go even today. Mai vake ndiyo imwe horror vatezvara havana kana door. Handidi kupusiswa sezvakaitwa baba vake, please help.
Response
I think it is not healthy to just stomach things you are not a car you don’t have shock absorbers. You should learn to open up and be understood especially in marriage. The marriage union thrives on communication saka kungonyarara kutokangakanisa kwazvo. Working together as spouses is the noblest thing to do. Marriage vows are not for the marriage day only there are a lifetime oath and this should be so for all the days of your life. Muwanano hapana ane chake ega, this includes bonuses, allowances and even mari yema rounds yekukandirana. Why is she always going to her mom’s place? Your mother-in-law should be the bigger person here and help her daughter. Kwaamai kunoendwawo zvine mwero after one is married. Remember vaviri vachasiya vabereki vonamira muwanano yavo. Why do people forget so easily? I know you feel let down by your wife and you’re disappointed, but remember marriage is not like that familiar game, jump-in jump-out, this is a lifetime commitment. I suggest you talk to professional counsellors and put this to rest. Ko iwe wanga wasvika rini pekutoti she can go today? You have to think of your marriage holistically, what about your kids and so many other things that you have invested in your marriage? At times when you’re upset you tend to forget so much. Mudzimai wako ngaazive kuti hupenyu imhindupindu nhasi ndiye ane mari mangwana ndiwe. Buka rinouraya kubata mari kunoda kutsiga sedhongi riripamumvuri. For now let’s concentrate on you, your wife and your problem. Let’s take one step at a time, for your mother in-law I conclude with a Shona adage which says, gudo guru peta muswe vadiki vagokuremekedza. Good luck!
Mai Chisamba when does one cease to be a child? Mine is not a problem as such but a question that I want addressed for information. I appreciate the way you uphold our cultural values. Mai Chisamba pachivanhu chedu when does one cease to be a child? When do you get to do things your own way and run your own affairs? I love my parents and respect them so much but at times I think vanopfuuridza. In most cases you can’t express your opinion because zvinonzi pachivanhu vabereki havatsuurwe. In our family we’re all married I’m the first born and I am thirty-six years, we are two brothers and two sisters. Mai Chisamba my mother thinks she has a right to run our homes, if she wants you kumusha tinotokanzuriswa hurongwa toita zvavanoda. She dictates where we should be next Christmas and where our kids should go. I am uncomfortable with this and my wife does not like this either. I know for sure even my other siblings are not happy with the current situation. When she visits she orders us around in our homes, vanotobvunza kuti sei manonoka kudzoka kumba? In short Mai Chisamba ndicho chivanhu here ichi?
Response
Thank you so much for writing in wabaya dede nemukanwa. My mandate is to promote the local languages and to uphold our progressive cultural values, mind you just the progressive ones. I see you have a problem with your mother although you don’t see it as such. Anything that disturbs your peace is a problem. I will be very honest with you when it comes to family tine tsika dzakanaka chose. According to the law of the land one becomes a major at 18. Pachivanhu once you get married you are saimba and you should be accorded your space. In our culture even muroora anobikiswa kuti arongewo zvemusha wake kwete kuti arambe achigara naamwene vake. You don’t cease to be your parent’s child as long as they are alive but you are given your elbow space once you’re a major. Zvirikuitwa naamai vako hachisi chivanhu hunhu hwavo hwakareruka kana kuti kufumuka. As parents they can only advise and give guidance. Once in a while they can request to have their grandchildren kumusha but should never demand. Vabereki dzimwe nguva vanorasikawo because they are human asi munotsiura murudo neruremekedzo mazano marairanwa. In our culture its taboo for your mother to go and impose herself and run the affairs kumusha kwemukwasha that’s offside.
For now I think you need to sit down as family and sort this out. Rope in your mother’s siblings kuitira kuti pasazonzi ndakatukwa. This has to be addressed as soon as possible because it will cause a lot of problems. Imagine if you her own son cannot tolerate her what of vamwe varoora nevakwasha? Lastly hapana chivanhu chinoshaisa mufaro mumhuri good luck and keep me posted.
